adventures of a cubemonkey

How bout we go our separate ways now?

2010-03-30T21:27:00.004-05:00

So update on that whole Rock Bottom Brewery thing...

Julia called and left a message...I had a feeling about what she'd say when I called her back.

Blah blah blah, limited availability, blah blah blah, too long to get through training, blah blah blah, may have bit off more than you can chew, blah blah blah, let's just go our separate ways now, and if you're availability on Friday and Saturday night open up, do give us a call.

Um. Gee. Thanks.

I was recounting this whole thing to my one adorable and effeminate co-worker (who is, amazingly, straight) and what did he say?

I was just hired there!

With a hand flourish.

Not only is he surprisingly straight, he's also a man-whore.

How does that work? (total denial)

Anyway, I went on a date last Thursday night, I was all excited about it all week.

The Black Eyed Peas were in town that night.

I kinda wanted to go but had been dragging my feet on buying a ticket....

And now I wish I had gone.

The date was weird.

He took me to this nice little tapas place in the 'trendy' East Village, the food was fantastic, as expected.

Conversation came easily, so no problems there.

The things he talked about, however, kept throwing up red flags.

He reminded me that he had been drinking all day when we met the Saturday prior at around 10:30 pm

He didn't seem like it to me...

So, is drinking all day on a Saturday a normal thing for you or ??

Well, I don't drink during the week blah blah blah something about an addictive personality, but I really enjoy drinking because I start to think about things that I normally don't think about.

Like what?

Well, I just notice stuff, like little things, I'm more focused on what's going on around me and I start to ask myself questions about it, and then I discover how I feel about certain things and what my true opinions are on various topics.

So, you're saying you're more focused when you're drunk than when you're sober? You don't relax and just let go of all that stuff when you're drinking (like normal people)?

No, you mean that's what it's like for you when you're sober or drinking?

Yeah, I think most people use alcohol as an escape or way to relax. I always feel the tension in my shoulders melt away with my first drink.

Wow, it takes me quite a few to feel anything.

Even though you only binge-drink on the weekend?

Yep.

Ok, enough said.

Oh, then there was his highly annoying habit of telling me how different he is from everyone else.

No, really, like he totally IS a unique snowflake. And he doesn't do things like other people.

Finally I just snapped.

OK. I GET it. You're Different. Now quit talking about it and do something! Give me an example!

He shut up for a little bit.

Sigh.

Shoulda gone to BEP.

2010-03-24T09:27:00.005-05:00

Yeah it’s been awhile since I’ve blogged, but I’m going to go ahead and ignore that fact - - just act like I’ve been at it all along…

The restaurant for which I worked closed February 28^th, so after four months of being a server, I was out of a (second) job.

I kinda-sorta had something lined up, so I checked in with them and found out they had already hired someone.

But I have good sense on people. I let you know next week if she working out. (read with a Russian accent)

No biggie, right, I wouldn’t mind a weekend or two to myself.

Or so I thought.

After a few weeks of going nutso, with too much time on my hands and not enough to do (holy crap, like my day-job!) I started applying for server positions all over the place.

One of those places was Macaroni Grill.

Not the kind of place I patronize, I prefer to stay away from the big chains and go to local places instead.

But lots of people go there and there’s big $ potential.

I filled out the application, had a chat with a manager, then had to complete an Evaluation.

See they way it works is you fill out the Evaluation, they fax it to Headquarters, which runs it through a computer and it either comes back ‘Continue’ or ‘Discontinue’

No other information is given to the manager, just ‘Continue’ or ‘Discontinue’

The Evaluation was 200 fill-in-the-bubble questions, the first 30 of which were math related.

No calculator allowed.

Long division pretty much fried my brain.

The second set, about 70 questions, on reading and word comprehension.

The third, and most important set, 100 questions designed to determine how ‘service oriented’ you are.

It was obvious to me which answers to choose, but I think my brains were all worn out and some honesty creeped through.

One particular question I remember is True or False, I would rather be alone than do something I don’t want to do with others.

What the hell kind of question is that?!

If ‘others’ are gouging out each other’s eyes with soup spoons, then, yes, I’d rather be alone.

True or False: There are types of people I find difficult to get along with.

Only a brown-noser would answer False, cuz really, who doesn’t have difficulty with at least ONE type of person?

Anyway, the Evaluation took me an hour to complete and I was ready for a nap afterwards.

A few days later I call to get my results: Discontinue.

Macaroni Grill gave me an F.

Total Fail.

Wow.

Guess I’m not Macaroni Grill Material.

I didn’t want to go through five days of intensive training anyway.

I filled out a similar questionnaire for Rock Bottom Brewery, and was called for an interview!

Twice.

I have orientation at Rock Bottom this weekend.

They’re next door to each other.

So every time I go to work, my Epic FAIL is right there, staring me in the face.

Screw you, Macaroni Grill!

New Stuff!!

2009-10-18T20:17:00.003-05:00

I've been MIA for awhile, like 10ish weeks MIA, well lots to share...

Let's start with today.

I went Skydiving.

Friday morning, 8:00 a.m., Hyvee, breakfast, co-workers...

The conversation turns to a story about a guy that was bungee jumping when the cord came off of his foot or something like that, I wasn't paying attention until C.J. said something about skydiving.

I've always wanted to do that!

My boss has done it and says she regrets not getting a camera guy, so be sure to take that option...

Hey, how about we do it? Next weekend maybe? Anyone interested?

A few people express interest, but they weren't all-in.

Aaron said he'd maybe jump out of plane... if it were on fire...

Geez, first breakfast, then skydiving? Where are we gonna be at day's end?!

I invited some of my friends, but alas, no one took us up on the offer.

So it was just us two.

A little drive out to the Winterset Municipal Airport and the home of the Des Moines Skydivers known also as the Couch Freaks

They chill in a hangar littered with old couches and picnic tables, an old dog wandering around, people getting ready for jumps, people returning from jumps, music going...

Very laid-back and informal, it has the feel of a late-night landing place for those in an altered state

After waiving all kinds of legal rights and signing our lives away to participate in an 'Ultra High-Risk Activity' we pick out jumpsuits.

I borrow a long-sleeve shirt from my Tandem Instructor, John, since my fleece would be too much...

Then stuff myself into the bright blue jumpsuit...I felt like a sausage!

He put the harness on and tightened it up, kinda makes you walk funny, a sort of waddle.

I did a little interview with my camera guy Andrew...

So do you have anything to say to people that might be watching this?

Ummm, Nope!

Out we went to the airstrip, took a group photo, then crammed into a little Cessna, all six of us

The ride up to 11,500 feet takes like 25 minutes, which is F O R E V E R when you want to jump out....

Shortest ride I've ever taken in a plane!

I'll let the pictures speak for themselves.....

Before/After

2009-08-16T20:13:00.007-05:00

My Farrell's eXtreme BodyShaping Before and After pictures:

Not as big or sharp as I was hoping but you get the idea!

10 Week Results:

Weight............161.....................151 (makes a difference on my 5'7" frame)
Body fat % ......29.0...................26.1
Left arm..........11.5"...................10.5"
Chest...............41......................37
Waist...............35......................33
Hips...............44.5....................41.5
Left thigh.........22.....................20
Push-ups.........20.....................49
Sit-ups.............21......................33 (I can already do more, only two weeks later)
Mile run........11:03..................9:31 (and I ran the whole thing!)

I signed up for three months of 'maintenance' so I can continue to improve my fitness level.

I'm very pleased with my results, my clothes fit better, some are too loose, and others that haven't fit for over a year have made their way back into rotation.

Since I hate running, I've decided to add it to my Tuesday/Thursday workouts (which are resistance bands) until I start waitressing again...

I never thought I would like working out!

My coach shared my before pictures with me during week six of the program, I was horrified. I had no idea I looked so terrible.

I actually thought I looked good?!

Never. Again.

A new Pi has emerged.

And she starts her new job tomorrow!

Progress!

2009-08-04T20:41:00.003-05:00

Yes, a lull in the blogging, in the whole online-life in general, as I've been out living Real Life

I've found a new job!

My boss wasn't surprised, hah, he'll probably use my departure to be even lazier.

The announcement was made yesterday, a nice two paragrapher mentioning the things I've done for the company...

A few congratulations and you're leaving us?!

I know, isn't it great!?

Jumping off a sinking ship huh?

Well, when you put it that way, wouldn't you?

I'm excited for the challenge of a new industry, new co-workers, new boss, new everything!

What will my new cube-theme be?

Everyone has asked me if I'm taking time off between jobs...

No, what would I do with time off?

Think about starting my new job?

Mourn my 'loss'?

Time to 'switch gears'?

I checked out long ago and I'm ready to move on.

My boss offered to set up an outing to see me off...

The offer was not appealing in the least.

Plus, I don't really drink during the week...I'm in the whole work-out after work mode.

Results from Farrell's eXtreme Body Shaping next! (pictures too)

DSM, we need to talk...

2009-07-05T19:34:00.003-05:00

I'm taking ballroom dance classes at the moment.

I love it.

I've learned basics for the waltz, tango, rumba, and cha-cha.

rumba and cha-cha are my faves so far...

So every Monday I rush around from work to work-out to home, shower, eat, speed to dance class

I live near the largest consumption mecca in the metro in a disgustingly suburban neighborhood full of identical looking condo and town-home developments.

Barf.

Dance class is on the north side of the city of Des Moines. There's no quick way to get there.

I end up driving through a few different neighborhoods on my way there, most notably, Beaverdale.

Beaverdale is an older 'hood with mature trees, brick houses set closely together and back from the street, and is generally a nice place.

It reminds me of parts of Chicago.

It has more of a city feel. It's quite a bit more inviting than where I live.

I love that part of my Monday.

It makes me miss living in a large city.

While visiting Mom this past weekend for the July Fourth festivities, I got a good talkin' to.

By Mom's business partner.

I've heard this speech a few times over the past few years, but I'm only it getting now.

Like, REALLY getting it.

I'm grossly under-paid.

My company is in shambles and the outlook is grim-to-uncertain.

I have a handful of (mostly crappy) friends.

I hate where I live.

I'm single.

I have a college education.

I grew up in a big city.

I live in the suburbs of Des Moines, Iowa.

What The Fuck.

I've never felt like Des Moines was Home, not really a good fit.

Young, single, educated people should live in large bustling cities with lots of other young, single, educated people, in my mind anyway!

and make enough money so a second job is unnecessary. savings are a reality. travel occurs often.

There's plenty of time to waste away in a suburb if/when I have that whole husband/kids/dog scenario going on...

What's holding me back?

Nothing, really.

There's no good reason to stay where I am.

Time to move.

Des Moines, you're fired!

Plan: complete all unfinished home improvement projects, then de-clutter and simplify, talk to realtors, pick one and list condo, also, look for job in Chicago

Scary...

Exciting...

can't sleep, heart is broken

2009-06-22T02:36:00.002-05:00

I think about you. All the time.

I wake up at least once a night. Usually around 4 am.

Tonight, it’s earlier.

it’s been over a week since we last talked or had any contact.

That’s the longest it’s ever been since we met on december 6

I really miss you. I miss what we had.

i miss Sunday mornings

…high school Wednesday nights

…dinner with everyone

…waking up to a ‘good night cutie :)’ text message

…that wonderful feeling that no matter what, you’re there for me

I miss being loved and loving you.

You were my best friend for six months, someone I could trust and tell anything

I think I miss that part the most.

Even though I turned the corner and realized that you probably did the right thing, (I may still be convincing myself) this still hurts

A lot.

it’s hard to believe that this is what you wanted, I betyou would say, ‘it’s not what I wanted, but what I needed to do. I didn’t want to hurt you and believe me, I miss you too.’

Freedom

2009-06-18T21:11:00.003-05:00

So I was dumped.

Looking back at the whole thing, the long drawn out process, really, why did it take a month?

Holding on to what I thought was something special and 'right'

Well, maybe it was for a little bit, but in hindsight, he did the right thing - why would I want to be with some one that can't make me a priority?!

I've turned a corner.

I'm finished with the whole thing.

I'm sick of talking about it.

I'm done!

Freedom.

Time to focus on me and the things I want to do (and improve) in my life.

I've been busy learning new dances, swing in particular, much different than all the latin dancing I've learned in the past

Swing is down n dirty compared to traditional ballroom, bent and loose knees, lower frame, very close to your partner...

A bit more real

Way fun!!

I'd like to compete in dance one day, call it a life goal :)

This is an amazing video of some Charleston moves, both 20s and 30s, with a little modern flair:

Fatty Spice

2009-05-23T16:04:00.006-05:00

At 160 pounds I am the heaviest and fattest I've ever been.

I've gained 10 pounds over the last year that I like to attribute to emotional eating as a result of grief and hanging out with Fat Kids at massive buffets on Fridays.

I've been far too lazy.

Time for a change.

No more complaining

No more excuses

This time, I really mean it.

I've committed to an intense 10 week program: Farrell's Extreme BodyShaping

Six days a week of cardio and resistance training and a specific way to eat.

I'm going to turn myself into a muscle building machine

Today was orientation.

Meet your coaches, do sit-ups, push-ups, sit n reach, run a mile, get your gear, find out your body fat percentage, receive your manual.

My new bible.

I'm going to nerd out on all the info in the next couple of days and research my favorite places to eat out so I know what and how much I can eat when I feel I REALLY need to go out....

Starting Point

Weight: 161
Body Fat: 29%
Sit n reach: 12.25"
Sit-ups: 21
Push-ups: 20
Mile time: 11:03
Heart rate before steps: 94
Heart rate after steps: 121
Hips: 44"
Waist: 35"

Terrible numbers if you ask me!

Improvement is the goal, specific numbers to follow...maybe...

Yay! Go me!

A slimmer, healthier, more disciplined Spice will be the result :)

Day-After Update:

Holy crap I'm sore!!

where do we go from here?

2009-05-22T04:00:00.004-05:00

Things have been looking up for me lately

I decided to look for another job

I may have figured out what kind of career I actually want

I signed up for an intense workout program to get into shape

I've been extremely happy to have someone to share all of this with, and to have his support.

But now, we are in limbo.

He is sending me mixed signals.

Possibly one of the most frustrating situations in life is dealing with mixed signals.

He doesn't know what he wants.

He only knows what he doesn't want: a committed relationship.

Were you doing a reality check and all of a sudden realized that, holy crap, I'm in a committed relationship?

Not exactly, but close.

I've just been enjoying you and your company and didn't really think about it...

I care about you, a lot, and I want you in my life. But I don't want a committed relationship, I feel trapped.

Why?

I don't know.

Basically, it boils down to he doesn't know what he wants, only that he doesn't want a committed relationship. Nevermind the fact that he's been in one for a couple of months.

He just didn't realize it.

I am frustrated because this has nothing to do with me. I've been great, wonderful, perfect, I didn't do anything wrong he tells me.

So I shouldn't take this personally?

This is your problem and you need to figure it out.

Let me throw in one little thing...

I'm kind of an 'all or nothing' type of girl.

I'm in love with you. I can't just be your friend.

You won't let me be your girlfriend.

What is in between?

Friends with benefits? How do expect us to turn back the dial to something you consider 'together' but not 'a committed relationship'?

I said it's all or nothing with me. That is usually true. I can't go back after falling in love with you. I'm willing to try whatever you come up with to make this work. To keep you in my life.

But if I feel as if I'm accepting less than I deserve, then I'll say so.

If you can't give me what you said I deserve then what choice do I have but to leave?

(You've been doing more than fulfilling my needs so far. Are you afraid you can't please me in a relationship? If so, that's ridiculous! You have been wonderful to me, the best man I've ever had the pleasure of dating.)

You are indecisive. I make decisions when you won't.

Please don't make me decide on this one.

I want you. I want what we've had for the past 5 months to continue.

So far, it's turned into a committed relationship, without even trying. I'm not sure it's something I wanted, but I'm open to it.

Yes, I'm freaked out by it too, but I think that's normal. What we have is worth more than a little freak out to me.

Are you being the typical man?

Yes, and no.

Yes, you're afraid of commitment. No, because you actually want to talk about it. You brought it up. You wanted to 'figure out where we're at'

We're in a committed relationship.

We love each other. (You may not say it, but it's in all the things you do)

We have more fun with each other than any other people I know.

Everything was going so well. We have a good balance of time together and time apart.

So why is this turning into a cliche?

It's not you it's me. It's bad timing. If I did want a committed relationship, I'd want it with you.

All things I've heard before.

Right before they broke my heart.

You say you don't wan to hurt me. You want me in your life. You care about me a great deal.

What am I supposed to do?

Act like nothing is going on?

Give you space so you can figure this out?

I want this. Do you? Will you please try?

I'm hoping that after you talk to other people about this and do some thinking that you'll come to your senses.

That you're being an idiot. That what we have is good for you and if you just get used to the idea of a committed relationship being a good thing then it'll all be fine.

We have something amazing going on. Please don't ruin it.

I keep telling myself that everything is going to be ok. Is it?

Why are you afraid of commitment? Why do you feel trapped?

These are the questions that you need to answer.

I wish I could help, but I don't think there's anything I can do.

I'm a SuperStar!

2009-04-29T20:39:00.006-05:00

A few months ago, or something like that, Man Mountain (my boyfriend!!) , decided to go out and buy an xbox 360.

Retail.

At Best Buy.

Are you freakin crazy?!

Then I hopped on ebay...

I scored him a nice elite version, better than the impulse buy, for half what he paid.

He was impressed.

I've got mad ebay skillz.

Games, games, and more games followed.

Then came RockBand 2 and an extra guitar...

I had never played Guitar Hero or the first Rock Band when this 60 pound box showed up at work one day...

We became Addicted.

He has two roommates.

I hang out there all the time.

Voila! A band.

The first time we were all present to play everyone was a bit shy when it came to handling the microphone.

Not Dimes.

He grabbed that thing and butchered a couple of songs.

I had taken a break from Bass to eat some leftovers when Man Mountain decided to give it a try.

Man in the Box by Alice in Chains.

Total High School for me, I loved that song.

The song started and....I was horrified.

So much so that I had to steal it away from him and finish the song myself!

And it was good.

I really really enjoyed it!

Man Mountain was stunned.

You're good at this!

I've only sung karaoke a few times, and always the same couple of songs....

Though I sing in my car all the time and always listen to music cranked up, so I don't miss anything...look up lyrics in case I can't extract them myself...and have a good memory too

Guess who sings every time we play?

Me!

There are quite a few songs that I've never heard or am unfamiliar with in the game

So what do I do?

"Research"

Download a few songs and practice in the car!

I can consistently score in the high 90s and even 100% at Medium.

Hard is a different story.

The jump from Medium to Hard is much more difficult than the Easy to Medium jump.

You sing different parts of the song in some cases!

Man Mountain offered to make a CD of all the songs I want to practice....

How sweet!

My home internet stealing is back on, and this time I think it's for good...

More updates soon, there is much to tell.

(and my camera has finally been fixed!!)

Oh and I think all this 'panic' about swine flu is retarded.

I's Alive, I Swear!

2009-03-01T17:58:00.002-06:00

The Pi is around...yes I said I was going to be getting back into the blogging thing, but yeah

well, didn't turn out the way I wanted, huh?

The network I was tappin at home figured it out and I'm in the internet dark once again.

I have to go to Man Mountain's place to have all my internet fun!

Now that I've finally got my laptop bag and accessories all sorted out, I'm mobile, I will be blogging (or at least stockpiling posts and pooping it all out on the weekend)

But, hey, better than nothing!

Ketchup

2009-01-05T18:49:00.005-06:00

November brought Thanksgiving...

One of the best food holidays!

The Family decided at the Pumpkin Carving Party to have a Thanksgiving dinner

I graciously volunteered to do the turkey and a few sides...

I've never made a turkey so I was pumped

I started looking up recipes, tips and tricks, and even hit up my mother

A few days before the dinner I found out we were going to have more people than expected

Usually a great thing, except I didn't have enough turkey!

Begin: Turkey Drama, Tuesday

To make things more complicated I decided to fry the second turkey.

I've never fried a turkey.

Dinner is on Saturday

I work till 10ish on Tuesday nights so I figured I would go to Walmart since it's down the street and pick up another fresh turkey and some tasty goodness to inject into it

I tossed the turkey in the frig and went to bed...

The next night I made the brine for the 'regular' turkey and then had plans with a hottie...

Thursday night I injected my original fresh turkey (from costco) with Creole Butter (think I'll try jalapeno butter next time)

Quite the experience, piercing, nay, stabbing a turkey in so many spots with a syringe filled with a deliciously fragrant fluid...

All I had to do was open the Walmart turkey and place it in the pot of brine to soak overnight

I pulled it out of the frig....cut off the net...and realized it was FROZEN

Yes, in my fuzzy haste on Tuesday night I grabbed a frozen turkey.

At this point it was 11:15 and I was tired.

Fine. I'll go to the grocery store in the morning, pick up a fresh turkey, come home, unpack it and stick it in the brine, then go to work.

Hyvee at 7:30am is a madhouse.

People getting coffee at Starbucks, buying donuts, eating breakfast etc. etc.

I wander around, admiring the chaos, and finally find the fresh turkeys.

They cost twice as much as the ones at Costco.

Fuck that.

I am NOT paying twice as much for my second turkey!

So I suck it up and go to work.

I relay the whole story to everyone.

They have no problem when I leave just before 10 to get to Costco to buy another turkey...

I get it home, and start unpacking it...it's fresh but...still really really cold

Hands freezing, I had to resort to cutting the skin holding the drumsticks together.

Bummer

There was no way I was getting into the top cavity so I dumped it into the brine with the innards still inside...they're sealed, it'll be fine.

I make it back to work, amazingly, in an hour.

That night I baked my butt off.

2 pumpkin pies (from real pumpkins, not a can) and a black & white cheesecake (100% scratch) later...it was 2 am!

Oh yeah, I made cranberry sauce from scratch too, easy and way better than the can

Saturday, up early, pack up the car and off I go...

I've never cooked the main entree for more than 8 people...we ended up having 11

Aside from the turkeys, dessert, and cranberry sauce, I also roasted some butternut squash, and made the stuffing and gravy!

It wasn't my place but I had the run of the kitchen, cleaning up here n there while the Man of the House, whose main duty at home is to clean, kept telling me not to, he'll take care of it...

I was in The Zone.

I really enjoyed it!

The food was great, if you've never had a fried turkey, I HIGHLY recommend it.

Crispy on the outside, succulent and flavorful on the inside.

It was the only dish that was completely devoured.

I loved it so much I requested a turkey fryer for Christmas.

It may be one of the those things you'd buy your worst enemy, in the hopes that he/she wouldn't follow directions or take the necessary precautions and blow something up

I'm willing to risk it.

It's the closest you can get to heaven on this planet.

photo frenzy

2009-01-02T20:29:00.005-06:00

I just burned an hour and a half uploading, naming, and organizing hundreds of photos! (and watching a bowl game...)

Long breaks from Internet Life are not recommended!

Ok...so what have I been up?

In October I had my second annual Pumpkin Carving Party

It was bigger than the first and a great time!

I carved 5 pumpkins this year and spent a whopping $85 at the pumpkin farm

Yep I got some poor sap to drive me up to the farm (again) just so I could buy primo carving pumpkins

And some pie pumpkins, of course

The first three pumpkins were destined to be included in a basket of halloween items for a charity auction

As you can see, they are fabulous, my boss even suggested I start charging people for them (he'd buy one)

Huh. Maybe :)

After the party a few of us went to the Champps Karaoke Finals to cheer on our own while they sang Afternoon Delight in costume (they took second place and won $50)

I even got up there to sing one of my favorites, I Touch Myself

It was okay, I'd have to say it's the toughest karaoke I've ever done, I was only a half a beer deep and couldn't hear myself!

No speakers in front of me. Bummer.

I decided to dress up for work at the last minute and ran out to buy all the thing I'd need to be an 80s Office Worker Zombie

I was rummaging through the racks at GoodWill when I found IT

The kind of find you just HAVE to buy.

A bright orange polyester leisure suit:

And it only cost me $6

I was chosen as a costume judge again this year for work...

When I walked into HQ, no one recognized me

(I was sporting my baby pink glitter platforms as well)

I called myself Hot Tequila Brown, after one of my favorite Jamiroquai songs

I was amazed at how well the suit fit me, and damn was it hot!

Cruella is my way awesome coworker Jeni, we were the only two to dress up in our office!

She totally won best costume.

Newsflash: Grief affects your judgement

2008-12-29T19:33:00.012-06:00

Being totally head-fucked is the only rational explanation for my poor dating choice late last year

(At least that's what I'm telling myself)

It was about this time last year that I finally put an end to the whole thing

Yep, a few days after Christmas.

It's been a year so I figured it's time to tell all...

And I hate myself a little too when I think about it.

Why the hell was I so NICE?!

He's a pompous jackass, and I let him down easy

Why?

Because we work together. I figured even though we don't directly work with each other, we still occupy some of the same space 40+ hours a week

I wanted to avoid the weirdness...

So, what happened?

Like most things that go wrong, it happened in stages.

Ok, it all started one night when we went out to dinner.

We were having a good time, enjoying our burgers at Granite City

He freaked out.

He got all wide-eyed and starting babbling about me being a druggie

But....but NO, wait...You're a....a DRUGGIE?!

What the fuck are you talking about, I'm not a druggie.

But, but I don't want to think of you that way, you're not like that, are you? Drugs are so, so bad for you...

It basically went on like that for the rest of dinner.

He didn't say much the rest of the night, only that he needed to think about stuff.

Wow.

I later found out that he doesn't even take ibuprofen or aspirin, he prefers to handle things 'the natural way' cause anything else will pollute you.

Egh, he got over it, or so he said...

Right, I know, should have dumped him for his behavior and crazy ideas.

Strike two came one night when we were watching Heroes and I commented on how hot and tasty Hayden Panettiere is and how I wanted to do naughty things to her...

Normally, guys are all over a comment like this, and start asking probing questiones

He was all over it, but in a different way.

More of a priestly concern laced his question.

Cue freak out number two.

That's disgusting. Oh my god, are you gay?

That is so wrong, I can't believe you've done that

He was being absolutely serious.

I belive Pornography came up in this discussion too

To which he replied Pornography is disgusting. It's like watching two animals fuck.

Ok, so watching Animal Planet is the same as porn?!

Basically, we are different kinds of players in the game of life.

I'm on the field actually playing, participating in life.

He's on the sidelines, watching, learning from everyone's mistakes.

That may do the trick for some people, but I say How Boring.

Sure, learning by doing and making your own mistakes may be sometimes be considered 'the hard way' but, so what?

There's plenty of fun to be had in all of life's experiences, even if, in hindsight, it was a mistake.

The last straw is pretty much laid out in this post, but the one little thing I left out, the thing that was said that cannot be unsaid, well, he sat down on the bed next to me, looked me straight in the eye and called me a whore.

Yes, really.

A week or so after that, he sent me flowers at work.

The card said Let's talk.

Soooo what do you want to talk about?

Well I wanted to let you know that I've decided to accept you for who you are.

Hah.

A little late for that, don'tcha think?

I hadn't planned on ever explaining this whole thing but I heard a few things about him last week that prompted me to tell the world about how strange I think he is

Apparently in the last year, his social skills haven't improved

A few coworkers were on a volleyball team, naturally they head out for drinks afterward

He rates women. He says he's never met a woman above a six. And if she is above a six there has to be something wrong with her, like she's dumb or a complete bitch.

There were guys at the table that I would consider assholes and they all just sat there and didn't back him up...

Right, so he's a pig too.

In reality, he's one of those people that is so over the top homophobic that he's probably gay.

Ahhh, it's nice to finally get that out!

The Private Life

2008-12-27T22:21:00.005-06:00

I've been living the Private Life lately

The life I had before I started blogging, myspacing, facebooking, flickring etc etc

What have I been up to?

Have I been alright?

Why haven't I blogged in a long time?

Motivation.

Blah-ness

A desire for a little privacy?

Time to come out of hiding

There have been plenty of blog-worthy happenings in the last couple of months, material is not the problem

I actually come up with blog ideas when I'm trying to fall asleep.

I've come really REALLY close to getting out of bed and actually typing some of them out.

(obviously, I haven't)

One of the many things that have hindered my blogging is my home computer.

It's a piece of shit.

It's in the extra bedroom.

Less than 6 feet from the cat boxes.

I don't have a comfy computer chair.

I use a large tupperware like container (it has my off-season clothes in it!)

Not exactly conducive to blogging and long stints on the interweb.

No more!

I now have a spiffy new laptop :D

Ah, yes, I will now be blogging comfortably from my favorite piece of furni: my couch <3

Let the updates begin...

2008 Election

2008-11-03T22:09:00.002-06:00

Yeah, yeah, I haven't blogged in awhile...

It's 'Election Eve' and I just wanted to do a little post

I could say things like Tomorrow, history will be made and the world will change forever

Well, I'm not, there's plenty of that going around already

It's such a huge deal that I get this odd little tickle that whomever is elected won't make it through his first term... weird.

I'm not a doomsday type, and I'm not sure where it's coming from, but, I guess we'll see...

Bummer.

Especially since Obama is going to win.

One Year

2008-09-14T17:46:00.002-05:00

The day after the Iowa vs. Iowa State day last year was the day my father died.

Today is the day after the Iowa vs. Iowa State game.

The exact date, the 16th, is Tuesday.

I've been more emotional than usual this past week, but today, the actual day, I'm ok.

This has been typical for the anniversaries over the past year.

I'm not falling apart or even feel like crying.

I'm actually a little relieved.

Relieved that the first year of grief is over.

It's been a tough year for me and I'm glad it's done.

I wonder if the first year of grieving is the most difficult?

So much has changed. I've changed.

I'm still getting used to who I am.

One of the people that has always been in my life is gone.

Hard to wrap my head around that sometimes...

Today is the day my dad passed away.

I miss you, dad, and I'll always love you

Football is Back!!

2008-09-07T21:03:00.003-05:00

It's opening weekend for the NFL and I couldn't be happier

Finally, something worth watching on Sunday!

Right now my beloved Bears are leading the Colts 15-6 at half-time

Amazing! Go Bears!

I'm still looking for that Bears hoodie I was forced into buying one awful day in January last year at O'Hare airport

You know I way over paid for it.

Tailgating, tippy cup, bags, Monday Night Football at the bar, rivalries, and shouting at the television begins once again

I heart Football.

Today is Their Day!

2008-09-06T10:43:00.004-05:00

Chad and Danielle are getting married!!

After many months of preparations, the day has finally come

I had the pleasure of meeting them almost 2 years ago in Vancouver

Here we are in Gastown with Neil

After spending some time with them I knew they were totally into each other, even though they wouldn't admit it....

It's hard to ignore the chemistry they have!

What a good fit :)

Congratulations!!

Tonsillectomy Pics

2008-08-30T17:56:00.003-05:00

Mother was nice enough to take pictures of me before and after surgery

Before:

After:

The healing process, day 3:

My tongue is all discolored because it's bruised from where they clamped it and pulled it out.

Eeww, I know!

The white nasty stuff is the scabbing....

As you can see, my left tonsil (on the right) was much bigger, and that side hurts more

Liquid vicodin is doing the trick...not sure how I'm going to ween myself off of it enough to make it to work though!

Even though I'm sure it doesn't hurt nearly as much as some sore throats I've had without any drugs, after you get used to not feeling the pain, why would you go back?

Right now soup and ice cream are my best friends.

Twin Tonsil Extraction - Recovery

2008-08-28T22:32:00.005-05:00

I made it!

We arrived at Mercy Medical Center early, and then wandered around for about 10 minutes before we found the right spot.

It looked like any old doctor's office, nothing like a serious surgery spot or anything like that!

Which helped me relax.

It's Ear Nose and Throat Day at the Ambulatory Surgery Center.

Deviated septums, ear tubes, tonsillectomies, the works!

Lots of kids' parents in the waiting room...

I get checked in, am issued a bracelet and then taken back to be prepped

The Anesthesiologist came to talk to me, he was a big kinda scary guy that stared me in the eye the entire time

I got a neat gown to wear, but keep your underpants on she said

Tie in the back.

Oh yeah, glad I wore some fancy underpants.

A nice IV was stuck in my right hand, fluids fluids fluids

Can't stress enough how important being hydrated is for this process

The pre-op nurse told me all about it.

Then the doctor

Then the Operating Room Nurse.

Lucky you, you have your mom here to take care of you and she's a nurse!

Finally it was time to head in to surgery...

They walked me down a hall, into a room that looked very serious

I laid down on a narrow table, with dents in it so you know where you should be, pretty comfortable really

They started putting stickies all over to monitor my vitals

Anesthesiologist put an oxygen mask over my face, breathe deeply about 3 or 4 times

That stuff smells bad!

I don't even remember drifting off

Next thing I do remember is coming out of a strange dream, being wheeled into stage 1 recovery

Damn, that was quick. (Mom said it was about 20 minutes)

My tongue hurts.

I'm annoyed by the oxygen thing in my nose.

My lips are dry.

I'm thirsty.

The nurse brings over a cotton swab of vaseline and smears it all over my lips

I have to wait an hour before I get anything to drink

My throat hurts a little, but not too bad

A guy is wheeled in next to me, I can't see him but he's not cooperating with everyone

I try to look and they pull the curtain.

Finally time to go to stage 2 recovery, where mom can join me.

They wheel my bed over there, how did I end up in this thing anyway?

I get to sit in a comfy recliner with warm blankets, my IV, and a crushed up popsicle

Best thing I've ever had!

There are whining screaming children in the recovery 'rooms' on either side of me

I'm a little out of it, coming off the anesthetic...

My throat didn't hurt that badly....huh

I go to the bathroom, fluids are going right through me, and check out my throat

It looks like they took an ice cream scooper to it!

Two hollowed out sections

They said I had huge tonsils too.

From the big voids in there, I believe them!

I'll see if I can get a pic, but let me tell ya, now that they're scabbing over, it's not pretty

Like, REALLY not pretty.

Scabs in your mouth are all white.

Like when you get a scab on your knee wet? It starts to get soft and white and falls off?

Yep, just like that.

Gross.

The pain medicine tastes pretty pleasant and yes I'm very diligent about taking it every four hours.

Even waking up in the middle of the night to do it.

Makes me a little dizzy but takes care of the pain quickly!

Though, without it, I don't think it'd hurt that bad, I've had some terrible sore throats in my day, when I could barely swallow my own spit

This isn't as bad!

My tongue does hurt a bit, where they clamped it and pulled it out no doubt.

Ick, what a picture.

Having all those fluids made me feel awesome btw

I should drink tons and tons of water all the time. Holy crap, it's uncanny how good I felt.

I'm enjoying my soups, sherbet, scrambled eggs, water, more soup, wash, rinse repeat...

Mom is taunting me with chips and hummus.

Not fair!

No chips for me for a long time :(

slow, like honey,

2008-08-25T23:02:00.004-05:00

my tears drip down my cheeks

i'm reading about the benefit of funerals when it hits me

a wave of grief

remembering the funeral home

the countless hours spent there.

cements the fact that you're dead.

gone.

just a body lying there in the casket.

helps those of us left behind to face reality.

i'm sad. i'm frustrated. i'm feeling left out. i hate it.

i'm having surgery, no matter how minor, it is surgery, and you won't be here or even make a phone call to express concern

or relief that everything went ok

to check up and see how i'm doing

why is it easier to cry alone

i don't want it to be this way

how do i tell you

i want help. i'm stubborn.

you may not understand, but someone has to be first. just happens to be me.

i'm a different person now, it's confusing

how much will return to 'normal' and how much will not

such a lonely place

the book calls this a grief spasm.

i'm not going to be feeling well soon

that's when it always hits me.

won't i be a charming little mess in a few days.

gentle poetic grief...ha, not mine. not now. must be an invention of time.

frustrated angry grief. so much left unsaid grief.

why. so many whys.

some things are making more sense.

others never will.

sleep. you dirty stranger you.

someday.

It's Time

2008-08-25T21:14:00.006-05:00

Oh, yes.

It's Time.

I'm voluntarily giving up body parts on Wednesday.

Yes, it's true.

They're coming out.

The tonsils.

My tonsils.

I say bring on the pain....and then the pain medication!

I've read a bit about adult recovery from a tonsillectomy.

Ice chips.

Icing your neck.

Never miss a dose of the happy elixir.

No straws.

Lots and lots of liquids.

Constant bathroom breaks.

Lovely, suddenly I'm retired.

I'm a little nervous.

And a little not.

Mother asked me if I knew where all my 'important papers' were...

Mortgage, car, 401k, life insurance....etc etc

How morbidly necessary.

If I'm not too fuzzy, well, even if I am...I will blog this lovely experience....

Ugh, now I have to clean the toilets.

Mother is coming after all...

Donkey Ride

2008-08-18T19:55:00.008-05:00

I've had 3 dates in the last 4 days!

Date #1 was by far the most fucked up experience.

He contacted me via a website for Sugar Daddies to meet potential Sugar Babies.

He's the type that likes to spoil his lady.

He's 41, single, prolly has 'summer kids', and makes a lot of money.

(summer kids - some are here some are there...)

How do I know these things?

He made sure to repeat himself over and over.

Aside from all of that, he's about 6' tall, really buff, and swears he doesn't like to show it off, yet he wore a really tight shirt.

Despite his manly appearance, he has a very effeminate voice!

Call me shallow, but how do you cope with that?!

He makes a lot of money.

Luckily other issues came up so I didn't have to resort to shallowness.

I'm really very honored and pleased that you decided to have dinner with me tonight.

A nice statement....the FIRST time he said it.

I swear I heard it at LEAST a dozen more times...

Then he started in on the Ex.

He's only been single for a month and a half.

They dated for 3.5 years.

REBOUND.

And, of course, bitch was crazy.

Oh yeah, he makes a lot of money too.

He started in on how he'd love to fly me here, fly me there, first class, did you know I bought that bitch a $12,000 Gucci bag and when I got to our house by the lake her family was helping her move MY shit out of MY house that I PAID FOR.

SIGH.

The insecurity, the constant interruption, and reminders that he makes a lot of money pretty much killed it for me.

The voice was the nail in the coffin.

I was damn near giving him dating advice at the end of it all.

Right after he tried to make me PROMISE that I'd go out with him again.

Did I mention he makes a lot of money?

The whole thing was really sad and pathetic but I couldn't bring myself to be a bitch about it.

Like I would have in the past.

No, no I'm going to be NICE.

Why on earth....?

I don't know!

After he left me at the bar with some of his colleagues that just so happened to be there - to run off to his next date I found out - guess what happened?

They started hitting on me.

Sure the one was really cute, but talk about baggage:

36, in process of getting divorced for the second time, house in the burbs, 3 kids, and 6 cats!

Ouch.

(Date #2)

I went out with him anyway cuz he makes me laugh.

I know that prolly won't go anywhere, but we had fun.

One thing I absolutely HATE and I'm not sure why....he called and texted me the next day.

And the day after that.

I can handle a text if it's short and requires no response.

Anything else is too much.

I feel crowded.

Date #3

The Elusive MySpace friend.

Yes, I meet people from MySpace.

Usually, if I really want to meet them, it's within 5 emails.

We've probably traded messages for a good 6 months...at least. I can't even remember.

And a few phone calls here n there.

Total surfer dude.

Also has baggage:

Crazy Ex that up and moved to Iowa then filed for full custody while he was still living in Cali. He had to leave his house and spanking new beamer to move here asap to make the court date.

What a bitch.

32ish years old, two boys: 3 and 5

Funny, nice, looks older than he is, but no spark.

Total Friend Zone.

My stock is blowing up in the online dating world, it's craziness!

I may or may not meet my next boyfriend in the next month, but hey, at this rate, 1/3 are Duds, 1/3 are new friends, and 1/3 potential flings...maybe a sliver of those are possible boyfriends?

And free food!

Built-in Friends

2008-08-11T19:30:00.006-05:00

Or as many of you may know them: Roommates

Depending on how Crazy-Cat Lady I'm feeling, I may or may not have 2 roommates.

Furry bitches....

Roommates are a curious breed.

I've only had 2 roommates since I moved out of the college dorms

The first was my Bible-Thumping-Nebraska-far-raised-our-section-of-the-dorm-in-charge-person

RA, or whatever they call them...

The most memorable moments were always Sunday mornings....

When, uh, one of my 'Tutees' and I would emerge from my room (after a long night of tutoring), to a moment some might consider awkward:

Um, good morning, Chandra....this is....(insert name here)....

Hi.

Hi, nice to meet you (name)

I'm going to take him home now....

We bolted out the door as quickly as possible.

What was so awkward about it?

She was usually sitting on the couch reading the BIBLE in complete silence.

Though I have to hand it to her, she never lectured me or anything...I never even noticed a raised eyebrow.

Bless her heart.

She was a pretty good roommate actually.

The next one, not so.

He turned out to be an alcoholic.

Had to kick him out after 6 months.

I would come home some nights, man in tow, to The Drunk so wasted he couldn't even form WORDS, in the kitchen wielding a butcher knife, cutting up a chicken and making a marinade.

That or he'd be passed out on the toilet, pants around his ankles, leather jacket still on, beer in hand, door wide open...

Or worse....(what could be worse?!)

The above scenario, only NAKED

After that, it's been solo (plus two cats and numerous fish)

Can you blame me?

Anyway, I'm the only member of one of my groups of friends, The Family, that lives alone.

No built-in friends.

No one to say, hey, how was your day?

No 'default companion' for activities

If I want to go to a movie, say right now, I'd most likely have to go it alone.

Well, surely you could just call some one?

Sure, I could, but that takes work.

Yes, friendship takes work.

I am lazy.

Not the best combination.

Point is, I have a lot of Me Time.

I used to love Love LOVE Me Time.

Too much of a good thing...well it gets boring.

Funny how it changes from day to day too.

I can go a whole weekend without having a conversation with someone.

When was the last time you did that?!

It leaves a lot of time for thinking, which is probably good for me....and not good for me at the same time.

Like, thinking about all of the things I feel I SHOULD be doing...or kinda WANT to do...

For example, exercising.

The whole playing soccer thing, even though I'm sore as fuck afterwards, I also feel damn good.

Gimme more a dat!

Or that long-long-so-long-it's-never-ending list of Home Improvement Projects.

Ack.

Or this comical it's-been-up-so-long-I'll-have-to-scrub-the-fuck-out-of-it-to-erase-it Shit to do List?

My friends have lovingly added to it.

And if there's a guy hanging around, it never fails, he'll write his name right under 'Shit to do'

Double Ack.

How about, where's my motivation?!

that's the first one I need to answer.

Adventures of Soccer Boy

2008-08-06T21:48:00.007-05:00

Or as I'll refer to him in this post, the Contractor

A few posts ago I mentioned a Flirty Email

Well, it worked.

Just as I suspected it would.

See, I've been trying to let the Man be the Man and not be the one doing all the asking all the time...

Men fell good when they do Manly things.

Like asking the chick out first

So I opened the door and gave him an opportunity to do just that

A date was set: Saturday night, dinner and ??

I decided to let him plan it.

(Not always the best idea)

He actually came and picked me up...

Not an option on the first few dates for me if I barely know someone, but since we had played soccer together and had mutual acquaintances I was ok with it

I thought it was kind of sweet, a little old fashioned maybe

Sushi dinner, conversation wasn't bad, food was good cept for one of the rolls was way too fishy

Gross.

People were staring at me too.

At least I felt like they were and maybe caught a few dirty older guys in the act...

I was glammed up like that.

I dropped the Dead Daddy Bomb on him on the way out to his truck...

He handled it really well.

Impressive.

Drinks at one of my favorite bars, more chatting...then it started pouring and I decided we should go back to my place and watch a movie

One episode of the Venture Brothers and a Domino later...

He actually asked if he could kiss me.

Who is this guy?

A couple hours of hot make-out-on-the-couch-action later, he left.

Damn. It's been awhile since I've done that.

It was awesome.

Date 2 was less then stellar

Date 2.5...he picked my drunk ass up from the bar.

A sunday morning spent in bed watching bad tv cuddling was pretty amazing.

I decided after date 2.0 that I was going to cut it off after Date 3

Contractor doesn't meet the Pi's Nerdy Requirement.

The Ambition Factor wasn't all that high either....

Sure, he was good company, as long as he kept his mouth shut.

Date 3 was over the new batman movie (love it!) and a quick bite to eat

Then on the way home I spouted off...

Ummm so do you think this is going anywhere?

Well, um, I do and I don't...

Ok, cuz I don't. You're so nice and everything but it just isn't there for me...y'know you can't force it...

He took it like a champ.

A 36 yr old single never married no kids kinda guy has heard this thing before...

SIGH

Isn't it fucked up when you realize that one of your friends is a damn good match for you but there's just one thing missing?

Like what?

That SPARK

That tear-your-clothes-off-Fuck-Me-I'm-Famous-SPARK

A change needs to be made.

A new thing

A new person

A new place

SOMETHING

Where did that excitement go?!

Your Days are Numbered....

2008-08-05T17:40:00.005-05:00

Tonsils!

Those bastards are scheduled for extraction August 27th.

From what I've heard it isn't exactly a cakewalk

Liquid and mushy diet for a few days

Possible Bleeding

A Constant Companion

Yes, I need to have someone around for a week after because the scabs could come loose and start bleeding and I could choke to death

Charming, eh?

Why have I elected to do this to myself?

Because of a nasty little guy called Tonsillitis.

We've gotten together at least twice a year for the past 6 or so years

You may be familiar with him:

Yep, a lovely gentleman.

Apparently at the ripe age of 26, you shouldn't be keeping such company...

This will be the closest thing to a major surgery I've ever had.

I'm actually not nervous about it.

Can't wait.

Yank those suckers out to make way for something big and better....

Unfortunately the Day coincides with the start of the regular bowling season.

Damnit.

Regular bowlers, how I miss you!

I have all this free time...no idea what to do with it...except be lazy

Which is nice, on occasion, but I'm more of a need-to-be-busy-to-get-shit-done type

I still have a couple of weeks free until I'm back to the regular work hours so I've come up with a 'plan'

Plan: Figure shit out!

I read today that my company will pay for any kind of counseling service its employees or their family members may feel they need....

I am all over that

Not exclusively for grief, I'm more interested in some help on the figuring-out-my-career side

How ironic.

A first of forever

2008-07-15T18:58:00.004-05:00

July 15th has never been anything special.

Until now.

Now it's the day I last saw my dad alive.

July 15, 2007

It was a Sunday

He was in town to help me work on my condo

To finish what we had started the previous weekend:

It's all here

Mom had given me some $$ to fix the place up

I remember Dad saying Since I can't give you money like your mother, I'm going to help you as much as I can. All I have is time to give.

Two months and a day later, he died.

The last time I saw him he was standing on my patio waving at me as I pulled away to head back to my apartment.

He wanted to do as much as possible before leaving the next day. He felt he hadn't done enough yet, so instead of driving home on Sunday night, he worked until I don't know when and then got up super early.

A year later, I still haven't finished what we started together.

This condo, my first home, has a special place in my memory and my heart.

I wonder if I'll ever be able to sell it, as keeping it wasn't in the long term plan.

I didn't spend much time with Dad in the last four years of his life

In fact, the most recent picture I have of us together was taken in 2004 at his wedding reception.

I took so many pictures of what we were doing here together and didn't even snap one of us, dirty, smelly, and annoyed with each other.

A few weeks before he was due to come help, I was at his house discussing my plans for the place.

As I left, we were standing on his stoop, he gave me a big hug and said, You're all grown up, I'm really happy with the way you turned out. I'm so proud of you.

I thought he was going to cry, and I kinda brushed it off with an Oh Dad...

Now it's one of my favorite memories of him.

Hard to believe I haven't seen you in a year.

I miss you.

A picture of us, taken in 1995, when I was 13 and didn't like taking pictures:

I keep this one on my desk at work, it makes me smile

Everybody in Florida was smoking pot

2008-07-14T17:54:00.007-05:00

I just saved a ton of money on car insurance by switching to State Farm.

Screw you, Farmer's!

The 'account executive' I spoke to is one of those guys that has a not-so-manly voice which makes your gay suspicions spike so you start looking for something about him that screams I LOVE PUSSY.

I'm not sure I found one...

Anyway, the summer weather has finally arrived, the cats are shedding like mad, and I'm starting to get that nice summer glow

Time for a fling!

Summer flings...ahhh do you remember?

Maybe you're in one right now.

Thing about em is, you KNOW it isn't going to last, so you just bone all the time and have fun.

No pressure.

The weather will turn in a few months and you'll (most likely) decide this isn't the person I want keeping me warm during the winter so you just stop calling.

Voila. Fling.

or Flings...

I sent a Flirty Email today.

You know where that leads?

Flirty Dinner and Flirty Drinks.

(and maybe Flirty Soccer since that's where I met him...)

Yep, there's the catch. He's on my soccer team.

Have to be careful with that!!

Doesn't quite violate the 'No co-workers, classmates, or neighbors' rule but it's in that grey zone...

Which brings me to Dating.

The only date in recent memory was something I don't care to repeat.

Everything, (well, not everything, he was LATE!!) was going alright, then, inevitably, family comes up.

How the hell do you tell someone you don't even know, or even barely know, that your dad died less than a year ago?

It is easier to say, I'd rather not talk about family when it comes up?

Or preface the date with There's something I'd rather not talk about with you just yet, try and guess what it is!

There are other topics that could lead to The Death Talk, such as the condo conversation, course I'll say I worked on it with dad, then questions about him could ensue...

This is tricky.

It could lead to some hella awkward situations. (yes, I just used 'hella' and I know it's retarded.)

I understand that because before this, I had no idea how to react to news like that either.

Someone write A Dating Guide for the Grieving: So you lost a Parent? (not to be confused with the Dating Guide for the Grieving: So you lost a Spouse?)

What if, on the off chance the date can relate?

I don't want to spend some of the night in tears talking about our dead parents (not on the first date anyway...)

oh le sigh. I'll have to stumble it out...

Last Wednesday I was in Chicago once again

At the United Center

With my mom

For a concert

Last year (or the year before, who can remember?) it was Madonna

This year: George Michael

Laugh and point if you must but it was THE MOST AWESOMEST CONCERT EVER!!!

We had seats 11 rows up from the floor, the view was amazing

Totally spoiled ourselves with $250 seats.

You can't go back to the nosebleeds after that. No way.

There were some die hard fans.

This one lady, whose hair style hasn't changed in 25 years, was wearing a brightly colored jean jacket with his face airbrushed over the entire back.

Sequins and rhinestones on the front spelled out Freedom and Faith

Fucking sweet.

Everyone was on their feet singing and dancing

Pretty sure he played all my favorite songs

And, as the night progressed, he became more flamboyant!

Didn't bring my camera in for a change. Not sure why.

Could have taken awesome pics.

(I stole from flickr instead)

More tomorrow, but in a different tone...

if you're wondering about the title I pulled it from a track in Mark Farina's Live in Tokyo

That one guy

2008-06-19T20:42:00.006-05:00

Everyone knows him.

That One Guy.

He's not a 'regular' in any of your circles

You don't even see him that often

But he calls

Just to chat.

That Guy.

Like that episode of Family Guy when Peter goes all pansy and calls Quagmire 'just to talk...sooo what are you doing....?'

Calling just to chat is a decidedly unmanly activity.

What does he chat about?

Fuck if I know!

It's like listening to any girlfriend you've ever had.

Work this and money that, btw you should invest in this microcap company, my roommate yadda yadda...

For the most part, it's fine.

For the other part, it's not.

When someone has a 'great investment' that they 'can't wait to tell you about' do you cringe?

I do.

It's just as bad as those religious jerks that show up at your door.

Or is it worse?

You can't just peep through the hole, strip down to your undies and then open the door and scare them away.

Hmm.

Coincidentally he's also the Really Chatty Drunk Guy.

And he's the Guy That Can't Handle His Liquor...

Bad combo.

But he's my buddy and no, I'd never let him move in with me even though he really needs a new place, but I'll listen to him bitch about whatever kind of rommate he does find...

Moderation is key.

We had dinner Tuesday night and I heard this song on the XM radio that was totally awesome...

I'm on a mission to find it.

I have no idea what it's called or who it's by, but it's in my head!

Don'tcha hate that?

In other news, I've been a homeowner for a year this Saturday!!

Wow. A whole year...already?

There are so many projects that I haven't finished yet, even more that I haven't started, and new ideas popping up...

No rush, this place is mine!

A couple nights ago I saw a newat pattern in the way the light hit the wall next to my front door.

Since that area is a bit sparse on decor, I decided to trace the pattern and paint it...

Mini weekend project, anyone?

Not this weekend, last minute, let's go to Chicago to celebrate Little Brother's 23rd birthday :)

Note: while searching for pics/formatting I found that song!! (Estelle - American Boy)

some real shit

2008-06-05T00:59:00.001-05:00

here i sit. late at night. storm outside, lighting streaming in through the window.

I was lying in bed just now thinking about the things that two of my friends said to me a few hours ago.

There's more to you than you let on. Why don't you share all of the 'regular' stuff? Tell us about your boring day or your stupid cat, why does it always have to be over the top crazy shit?

Apparently it makes some people uncomfortable. It's intimidating.

I know I'm intimidating without even opening my mouth. Why complicate it?

I'm Compensating.

It's an old habit. Always go over the top, always shock them, be the most 'out there'

But why?

Before, I'm not sure why I did it.

I know why I do it now though.

It's easier than saying the things I really want to say.

I like to keep things upbeat and happy.

The things I want to talk about aren't.

I don't like complainers and I feel that some of the things I'd talk about would come off that way.

Others are difficult to understand.

The things that I would love to tell my friends:

I miss you. I tell a couple of you this, but I'm not sure how much it helps.

I'm lonely.

I'm grieving the death of my father. I know you don't understand and probably have no idea what to say to this. In this case the wrong things usually come out. I don't want to deal with those things. I've heard them all and it's a tough enough situation as it is without you saying the wrong thing. If/when you do, it only makes me angry. I know you have good intentions, but it's hard to overlook when dealing with this kind of pain, it's frustrating.

The state of my family since the death. No, life isn't alway fun and pretty. I know this, but I'd rather act to the contrary when with friends. I don't want to be debbie downer. Plus, I have no idea if you even want to hear about it or help me with this.

Lost.

Absolutely.

I have no idea where I'm going career wise. It's a tough subject usually written off with, 'I don't define myself by what I do for money. It's just what I do to pay for the things I really want to do.' But what are those things? Again, no idea.

My personal issues. When I'm having stupid girly moments and want to bitch about how I think I've gained weight since I stopped working my regular part time hours or how I"m stressed about money since I didn't plan on my home owner's insurance or warranty coming due...these are things that I'd like to talk about but I always hold back. Money is a sensitive subject.

Why? I don't want to be a burden? I'd like everyone to think that I'm just fine and life is grand?

That's probably part of it.

How long has it been since you've cried about dad dying?

Too long.

Just thinking about visiting his grave and placing flowers there for father's day gets me going. Maybe I'm depressed about it, I don't know for sure. Counseling is too expensive.

No more hand painted coffee cups, bad ties, packages of 6 pairs of socks or even phone calls.

I don't get to do that anymore.

Is this what you'd rather hear? Are you comfortable and ready to deal with this?

I'm not sure I am.

Where do we go from here?

Tilt, Tuck, and Tighten

2008-05-28T21:53:00.005-05:00

I went back and read the last post and am amazed at the optimism and excitement

After my first soccer game I felt great, but I was also a little uncomfortable as my muscles started to react to my Let's get in shape first efforts

The next two days were absolute HELL

I've never experienced such severe muscle pain in my life.

Everything tightened up.

I could barely walk

I didn't know I used my sides and shoulders to play soccer, but that shit hurt, so I must....

Probably the running. Ick.

Aside from the delayed onset muscle soreness, my knees have finally healed.

My next game is this Saturday.

Terrified of the aftermath, I resigned last week to go out and do some running around, a brisk walk, ANYTHING at least 3 times before my next game.

Ummmm I didn't do anything but eat, drink, and be merry over the long weekend....

So, today, instead of lying on the couch relaxing and eating AGAIN, I decided to bounce around with a little soccer ball

It felt kinda dumb doing it in the living room, but I'm one of those retards that's embarrassed to exercise by herself in view of other people.

Like it matters.

No, it doesn't, it's just a stupid hang-up of mine.

One time, on a Saturday a few months ago, when I still had a bit of a shopping/spending problem, I was relazing on the couch watching TV.

Have you ever tried to watch TV on a Saturday?

Without cable?

Well, there's jack shit on...

Except 'Paid Programming'

Infomercials.

And what do you know, an exercise program was on...

Hip Hop Abs.

You've seen the commercials: Get fit with Shaun T. to cool hip hop music!

I cringe during those commercials...

Then I actually picked up the phone and ordered that shit.

I know, I'm amazed too.

I never thought I'd do that either.

In fact, I've been embarrassed to even TELL people that I own those dvds....

So, I'm doing it here instead.

::SIGH::

Get over it, Pi.

Moving along, playing solo with the ball was a warm up.

I popped in one of the Hip Hop Abs dvds and did the whole 30 minutes.

Feel the burn!

I felt it.

that and ridiculous.

They make it look so easy too.

Jerks.

Why can't it be like older peoples' workout dvds where everyone isn't perfect and is still working on getting into shape?

That would make me feel better.

I'm not the only one that isn't as quick on her feet as previously thought or coordinated or flexible or...

Tomorrow, I'm going to do it again.

Two steps: START and KEEP GOING.

Fuck, this is difficult!

hah, owner/CEO of beachbody, the company that puts out Hip Hop Abs among other things blogs.

Once a Grass Fairy....

2008-05-14T21:44:00.004-05:00

Always a Grass Fairy?

In case you didn't know, the Pi is Mexican.

Which means playing soccer is a mandatory thing.

Like going to Catholic School.

I started playing when I was a mere girl, at the age of 8.

I quit at the age of 16 for various reasons:

I hated the HS coach.

I hated running.

I wasn't as awesome as I could've been.

And my dad pissed me off, my parents were getting a divorce, so I figured I'd get back at him by quitting soccer, which he loved, played for most of his life, and coached for many years.

Way to go Pi.

And who did I really end up hurting with that one?

Myself.

Duh.

The summer after I quit playing, I put on a pair of jean shorts that used to fit me perfectly.

They still did, except for one thing.

My ass had gone a little flat.

The shorts bubbled out a little, but there wasn't any ass to support them!

I rethought my decision right then, I don't remember the details, but I didn't start playing again...

Why not work-out?

Organized working out is something I've never done.

I liked gym class, the swimming, step aerobics, all that other crap we did like taebo and sliding.

But I've never done any of that stuff on my own, always had to be a class of some sort, dancing, pilates, yoga and dancing my ass off at the club in college.

3 years, 2 months, and 9 days of working in an office full-time sitting on my ass has started to take its toll.

That's a whole lot of non-exercise.

And the active dancing like crazy clubbing has even subsided a bit...(ok alot)

Then, last week at lunch one of my buffet-loving compatriots mentioned the soccer league he plays in....

Oh we need some ladies, we'd love to have you...

The minimum age for females to join is 14.

For men, it's 25...

Recipe for under-age naughty disaster?

Maybe, but that isn't the case.

So I thought about it and figured, well fuck, I'm only working one night a week at the bowling alley over the summer, if I don't do this, I'm going to end up on the patio of a different bar every night with a margarita.

Then I'll be out of shape and an alcoholic.

::sigh::

Pass.

So I joined the team.

Seeing as I haven't played soccer in 10 years, I didn't have any of the equipment.

I made a list and went shopping last night.

Sports stores are places that I don't find myself in alone.

Thank god it was a weeknight.

I wandered around that place for a good hour collecting soccer stuff.

Whilst trying on shin guards I saw the cones and markers used for practices and whatnot...

All the memories from youth soccer came flooding back.

And I suddenly missed it and became excited for my first game.

I was also dreading it.

Why?

Running and Pi don't get along.

The soreness I swore I would welcome, it means I worked stuff that hasn't been worked in a while, right?

Well I got a bit more than I bargained for.

Running is one thing, balance is another.

It was like my body was moving faster than my feet and I would just get ahead of myself and then topple over

Four times.

I fell four times in my first game.

The first two, I went down on my knees pretty damn hard.

The third, someone said it looked like I'd been snipered.

Oh yes, they sting, it's quite the sensation, and they're scraped.

My thighs are super sore.

The outsides mostly, the ones you use to actually lift your leg, yeah having a problem with that right now

And standing up/sitting down.

Uugghhhh.

This shit makes me feel old. (I can hardly wait to put on my heels tomorrow)

I'm not complaining, merely stating facts. I hate that whining shit. I will suffer through this part until it doesn't hurt as badly.

But at least now I'm doing something.

I'm going to get back into shape!

Bubble butt, here I come.

I eat Jazz Potatoes

2008-05-06T21:59:00.001-05:00

I'm feeling about as sexy as a pile of barf.

Which is...pretty gross!

I've returned to being a Mucus Monster once again

Just in time to ruin awesome weekend plans, but, meh, the weather doesn't look like it's going to cooperate either

I realize I've fallen off the Bloggin Wagon, and that bothers me.

Occasionally I go back and read an old post, and think, Damn, that shit is GOLD.

I also think, Wow, you had a lot of time on your hands!

Moving on...

I had the windows on my new ride tinted last week and I must say, she is wayyy sexier!

Not like drug dealer tint, where people kinda back off when you roll down the street

Classy tint

Cuz it's a friggin Lexus!

I've been nerdin our and looking at the forums, people have been 'tricking out' this car.

Seriously?

Yeah, like fat-ass rims and body kits and other ricey-nerd shit.

Some of it I don't mind, as long as it stays classy

Like this, this is exactly the opposite of what I'm talking about:

Can you say 'Spider Man'?!

Right so here are the before and after pics of the tinting...

It's nice n subtle and really makes the car...

Really not as pricey as I expected either.

Neat, huh?!

As for wheels, might put that on hold, I've always liked the shiny ones, but I heard they're hard to keep clean

Gotta keep it classy first and sporty second...

although these look damn snappy:

I'm all geeked out on car stuff!

Back in the Saddle

2008-04-21T20:22:00.003-05:00

The internet saddle that is!

Unfortunately work has decided to install the evil that is WebSense

Grr.

Since I'm cool with Scary-Big-like-a-bouncer IT guy, he clued me in to when they'd start monitoring everything us little peons are doing on the internets...

Which means no You Tube, no blogger, no myspace, no facebook, no naughty stories or picutres no fun, no fun, no fun

Well you aren't supposed to be doing that stuff at work anyway, Pi!

Pfft.

How am I supposed to entertain myself and stay conscious when the bosses aren't giving me work to do?!

So after so many weeks (prolly only one but seems like forever) of no fun on the internets, I reached out for help

At home there happens to be a couple of unsecured wireless connections...

How do I know this?

JMax had an iphone and would tap into that shit all the time...

Turns out all I needed was to hook up my old beast and get a $30 usb wireless network tapper into.

BAM!

Free internets at home.

Neat. Thanks neighborinos!

OK, after a slight techincal difficulty (ahem) my knee bumping into the wireless network tapper, back on track

So, I blog to you tonight from atop a kitty litter container, as I gave away my uncomfortable old kitchen chairs...

What has the Pi been up to?

Driving and washing my sexy car...

Partying it up at the local smoke-hole

Attending her first ever rugby match!

Enjoying the company of her girlfriend and boyfriend...at the same time!

Don't be so surprised.

Oh yeah, Momma Pi is way cooler than previously thought.

She was in town a couple weekends ago and went out to happy hour with us

After a few drinks and very little to eat I return from the loo to hear these words escape my mother's lips

Now, for anal sex the best way to do it is...

! !

Most people would cringe and run back to the bathroom if they walked into that conversation

But Moms n I are cool, she can give my friends butt-sex advice anyday!

What really impressed me was the way she took the news that I am dating a couple.

::shrug:: She's cool with it.

Fuck yeah, Momma Pi rocks.

Pictures coming, my stupid camera cable is at work...grrr....

ahhh it's good to be back :)

Young 'Love'

2008-04-10T11:17:00.004-05:00

Do you remember your first crush?

I do...

Back at St. Bartholomew Catholic School in Chicago

Jeffrey Bartel

We were in second grade, and adorable.

He was just a little guy, pale, blonde, blue-eyed

(The complete opposite of what I prefer now)

Every girl had a crush on him.

He sat next to me in class...

We would pass looks back and forth, not paying attention to Miss Labrandi

One time we were coloring and one of my crayons rolled off my desk...

He popped right out of his seat and walked around the row of desks to pick it up for me

Awww, how sweet.

One time, our eighth grade buddies came to visit us...

We were sitting on their laps talking...

So you really like her?

Jeff nods

And you really like him?

I nod

Aawww, isn't that cute?!

Oh geez, this makes me want to barf now

Last I remember he moved out to the suburbs...

There was also the neighborhood crush, Billy Guess.

He lived a few doors down and went to the other catholic school in the neighborhood

I really liked him for 8 years...but back then we were just kids, no idea what was going on...

I moved away shortly after my 13th birthday so we didn't have to go through the awkward stages of puberty and high school together

I visited a couple times during high school, by that time everyone had started calling him 'Bill' which seemed really odd to me...

Later I heard he went to a private college in the suburbs

Why the hell am I writing about this?

Memories of these childhood crushes randomly popped into my head last night as I was trying to get to sleep.

This happens a couple of times a year and then I think about maybe tracking Billy down

Then I realize it's probably been 10 years since I've seen or talked to him!

Would it be a little creepy?

Hmmm

I have friends that have had the same best friend since they were in grade school and/or hang out with people they went to high school with

To me, that's absolutely strange!

Or do I have a problem hanging on to friends long-term?

Is it me? Or them? Or both?!

I have moved around a bit...I can't imagine living in the same town with my mother (or even within 50 miles of her!)

Does anyone else randomly think about their childhood crushes?

How long have you known your oldest friend?

Maybe I'm just weird.

Finally, Satisfaction

2008-04-01T15:32:00.004-05:00

The Pi really digs on Mr. Scruff

Has for at least 10 years!

He mixes up all kinds of funky stuff, with a jazzy edge to it

MTV2 introduced us in the form of this video:

After that, I was hooked.

I actually BOUGHT the CD Keep It Unreal

Y'know, back when we did stuff like buy CDs...

I also fell for this song:

Honeydew

I remember being at my dad's house and it coming on..When did you start listening to Pink Floyd?

Pink Floyd? This is Mr. Scruff!

(I still don't know which Floyd song it is)

I love the way he draws his little people!

Just so damn CUTE!!

Like in this video where everyone is ecstatic just to have some PIE:

So FINALLY, last week, I was able to see Mr. Scruff!

He was at the Smart Bar in Chicago playing all night...

Mr. Scott and I show up right before the doors open and chat with the bouncer-guy.

He told us about how a few weeks ago there was a line like down the block and around the corner.

Who was playing?

I dunno, some guy with an 'F'...

Farina!! Mark Farina?

Yeah, that was it, we were about 200 people over capacity. There were people hanging out at the bottom of the stairs, we couldn't get in there even if something happened.

We were here that night!! It was awesome, totally hot down there too.

Craziness.

Smart Bar is my new favorite.

It's been around awhile, my mom used to party there back in the day!

Anyway so we make it in and see posters...with a sticky note that says 'Sell Night of for $5'

Sweet.

We head downstairs to find the place empty.

Perfect, grab drinks, find a nice spot to chill...

There he is!!

So we went up to the booth to chat with him...

Would you sign some posters for us?!

Of course he said yes!!!!

It was a long night of steady beer drinking and bouncing around to the music.

You know that movie Shaun of the Dead?

(course you do, it's AWESOME)

The scene where Shaun and Ed are drunk, dancing around in the living room, and ends with Ed saying 'It's not hip-hop, it's Electro.'

He totally played that song!

Later in the night, about 1:30, the heavy bass began...

Listening to deep deep bass at that hour in a dimly lit basement club after driving 375 miles and enduring dinner with Indian doctors makes you really really tired.

(not to mention the massage from the vibrating booth cushion)

If you've never heard of Mr. Scruff, I highly recommend Trouser Jazz, MRSCRUFF, and anything else you can get your hands on!

New Addition

2008-03-24T15:00:00.003-05:00

The Pi has been shopping for a car for a few months now...

Momma Pi introduced Indian Dealership Guy and he said he'd go to auction and find whatever I wanted.

That was 2.5 months ago.

I think I've waited long enough.

I'm a big girl and I can make my own decisions!

I appreciate the help, Mom, but I'm going to pass this time...

Behold, My New Baby:

She joined the family last Friday...

Mom doesn't know yet!

I'm going to tell her when I pull into her driveway on Friday.

Surprise!!

She drives like a dream

A co-worker said to me last week: When you go from a car that's 10+ years old to a much newer car, it's like magic. Everything works and you don't worry about anything!

Holy shit was she right!

This thing has all kinds of neat little gadgets!

Now for some window tinting...

Mmm mmm what a sexy beast!

I'm going to have pictures taken with the car, any suggestions for outfits?

St. Patty's Day etc

2008-03-19T11:28:00.003-05:00

St. Patty's Day in Des Moines is something people get excited about.

There's a big parade and parties all over . . .

Pi doesn't particularly like parades.

I think they're kinda stupid actually.

So when good ol C-Dub asked me to join his party people IN the parade...

Hmmm, well, might as well give it a shot.

Their parade entry is the Official Des Moines Irish Drinking Team or something like that

They have shirts made for the occasion.

We started at the High Life Lounge around 8.30-9am...

Getting up early has never been so easy!

Unfortunately the weather was miserable....rainy and mid30s-ish

This really put a damper on the lining-up-for-the-parade part of the day...which lasted an hour!

During the parade, I sat in the back of a pick-up truck, tossing beads to children just whining for them...

Shit, you'd think they were made out of gold or something.

They could care less about the candy!

Beads!! BEEAADDSS!!!

It was like that scene in Indiana Jones, Temple of Doom, when all the kids are holding up their shackled wrists yelling Me! Me!

::Shudder:: Creepy.

As soon as the parade was over, I booked to the nearest bathroom...my pants were soaking wet.

Awesome.

Big party at the Embassy Suites...too bad everyone smelled like wet dogs!

Blah. So the rest of the day is only so-so...and pictures can speak for themselves...

Seriously, who gets waxed like this?!

More on the flickr page, as usual!

The Anti-Pi Lunchbreak

2008-03-07T10:32:00.008-06:00

Yesterday I had a plan for lunch

I was going to be productive

Pick up food, get oil changed, go to post office

Simple, right?

But not easy.

I went to Bruegger's Bagels for their awesome-delicious Thai Peanut Chicken sammich

Then off to the oil change place

They gave me one of the key chain punch card things awhile back and after 5 oil changes the 6th one is free!

I was excited cuz I was finally there!

I was ready for my free oil change.

The pimply worker came out and asked if I just wanted my oil changed, Yes, that's it.

I head inside with my book and sammich and get comfy

Have you been here before? I can't find your car in the system...

Yes, this will be my sixth time.

Still couldn't find it so I dictated all my info again...

Back to the sammich...

No Thai peanut sauce!!

That absolutely makes the sandwich.

Without it, it's just an expensive chicken sandwich on a 'softwich'

Grr.

There's a hick in the waiting room.

He decides it's a great time to make friends.

Blahblahblah he says....and manages to mention that he has a Mercedes

Nice.

I'm looking around at the place and see a sign:

Notice: this establishment went through an ownership change, effective September 1, 2007. As a result we will no longer be accepting punch cards.

::SIGH::

Grr.

ok, fine, this is the last oil change I will ever have to pay for, as I'm selling the old girl to a friend....hopefully within a month!

I finish my sammich, and start in on my book...

Pimply guy comes back in...Um, we don't make the filter size your car needs.

I've never had this problem before...

Um, I'll be right back...

About 5 minutes pass

Yokel is still babbling...his name is Dallas, how nice.

Well, good news! I convinced my manager not to charge you for the oil change since we can't change the filter.

So, you're putting new oil in anyway?

Yep.

Huh. Ok.

Finally I make it out of there with new oil and my old filter.

Off to the post office.

Now, the post office isn't a place I ever visit.

I haven't had a reason to go since I moved....

The address is in a suburb that is just crazy with it's streets and numbering.

I figure it's off of One Big Street and head out...

I find The Street It's On +1 so I turn there....and can't find it....ok, this is looping around..and now it looks familiar...and now I'm on The Street It's On -4

Hm. Drive that loop again just to be sure.

Nope.

Grr.

Ok, it's been about an hour, I should get back to the office....

I'm on Another Big Street, in the right turn lane....WAIT

Maybe it's off of This Big Street and not That One.

So I turn and decide to turn around in the gas station...

And I see My New Car.

GRR.

The jealousy and rage bubble up...PATIENCE I remind myself.

I finally find the Post Office.

Why am I here?

I got one of those cards in my mailbox saying there was a Certified Letter that required a signature....

Great. Those are never good news.

I put it off for about a week.

So now, I'm here, at the post office

I hand it to the guy behind the counter...he looks at it, finds the letter...

You're an authorized picker-upper of Mr. Sheets?

No...why?

This is addressed to Mr. Sheets...is this your address?

No, I live next door.

Oh, well looks like the carrier messed up, sorry about that.

The card was placed in my mailbox in error.

Mother Fucker!

I was beyond frustrated when I returned to the office and then snapped at a couple of people....

Now the whole thing is a tad amusing

But just a TAD

Party Bus Extravaganza

2008-03-03T15:55:00.000-06:00

Warning: this is a recap of the partying from the weekend!

Friday began with a drive up to Clarion, Iowa.

? ?

Yeah, I know, I wasn't sure where it was either.

102 miles from home....

But we had good reason - A Birthday Party Bus!

A Small Town Pub Crawl

Wait, but how many bars could there be in a small town?

And why the Party Bus?

Well, since all small towns only have one bar worth going to, we hit 4 (i think) small towns!

It was a nice break from the, uh, Big City Nightlife of Des Moines.

And oh boy, did I find it.

Like the first bar...serving beer only! No liquor.

And this:

On our way to the second bar, we encountered a railroad crossing....

With a stopped train.

Partiers became desperate...

They had to pee.

So, off they went, boys and girls alike...

I decided to wait...

Good thing, too, since we were pulled over on our way out of town!

It was good cop/bad cop, up first, bad cop:

ALRIGHT PEOPLE BLAHBLAHBLAH PUBLIC URINATION BLAHBLAHBLAH 500 DOLLAR FINE BLAHBLAHBLAH

Good Cop:

Okay guys, we're not going to issue any citations. Public Urination is a $500 dollar fine in this county and there was a minivan with children in it behind you at that railroad crossing. Now be safe tonight and watch yourselves.

All I could think about was how I love a man in uniform and if they had handcuffs with pink padding on them....

I wasn't alone, one chick said she was waiting for the cop to start stripping!

Hah, would have been neat since there was a stripper pole on the bus...

A humpy kind of fun was had on the pole a bit later in the night...needed to grease ourselves up with some cheap beer first....

And then there was the birthday cake:

We all returned to her house, where guitar hero was the main event and we proceeded to drink every bit of vodka we could find.....and then passed out....everywhere

I shared her children's bedroom with 6 other people...one of them snored. (not me)

I woke up on fire cuz someone turned the thermostat up to 79....

Birthday Girl made us all breakfast while we watched the

Real Housewives of Orange County marathon, incidentally, not all of them are housewives...or even married!

Whatever, it was good drivel to make fun of when you're hurtin.

Saturday, after a long-ass drive home, I laid around on my couch....all day.

About 9.30ish, I get a text....bachelor party! heading to a bar right now...

Alright, why not?

So it was me and 26 guys.

The older ones, like the father of the bride and I think her older brother or uncle or something were very interested in talking to me....

Did you know we're going to the strip club later?

Well, it IS a bachelor party...

You're going with us?! (all creepy giddy-like)

Hell yeah I am! I prolly like titties more than you do!

I made some new best friends that night.

When we got there, the father of the bride escorted me to sniffer's row and started throwing dollar bills in front of me...and asking all kinds of get-to-know-ya-BS

Strange.

After that whole thing was over - and we went to the skankiest titty bar in town - I was recruited to drive the troopers to the 'nicer' strip club.

I was about the only sober one at this point....

It was much better.

Home to the glitter pussy.

It shines like a disco ball!!

About 4ish hunger gets the best of us...

The next morning I wake up and see this above me:

Now, I understand guys are 'thrifty' and like the whole minimalist thing when it comes to decorating....

But, Come On!

Curtain rods and curtains are not difficult to install...

Sooo the successful weekend ended with me telling the Kirby guy that rang my doorbell:

Spare me the sales pitch and just shampoo my carpet.

And he did.

Cartoon Lust

2008-02-27T14:45:00.000-06:00

I love animation, cartoons or whatever you want to call them...

I'm sure I've written of the love I have for Batman

After school cartoons, Batman the Animated Series...

That square jaw and deep voice, RAWR

We've got a special thing going on, he and I...

But lately another hero of sorts has been occupying my time...

All the snow this winter (51 inches!!) has made me a tad reclusive.

And what do you do when you can't leave the house?

(Other than masturbate furiously, which only takes up a couple hours at best...)

You watch your DVDs over and over...and play video games.

During those 'activities' I have managed to fall in lust with the Swedish Murder Machine.

I give you Brock Samson:

This sexy hunk of animated flesh is voiced by none other than Patrick Warburton

Now, that isn't something I picked up on right away.

I was too busy enjoying the pop culture references and priceless moments to read the credits...

On the third or fourth time through the second season, he said something that just made something in my head >CLICK<

Man, that sounds SO familiar!

Yes, I watched both seasons of the Venture Brothers this past Saturday...12 hours straight.

I've got priorities.

If you haven't seen it, get your ass over to Cartoon Network's Adult Swim and soak it up!

A wiki page set up by fans...

Right, the credits roll...Brock Samson...Patrick Warburton.....

Why is that so familiar....

BAM it hit me....Holy shit! That's Puddy!

Mr. Scott's iPhone quickly verified it.

I have the hots for Puddy.

Er, his voice.

Mostly it's the fact that Brock runs around naked and kills people...

Why are you naked?

To prey on their fear. Move like and animal to feel the kill

Hilarious...

I'm obsessed.

It's maddening.

Do check it out!!

Is my nerd hanging out yet?

On Bowlers, Dating...

2008-02-22T08:15:00.009-06:00

So, getting back to the topic of Dating....

I have this 'issue'

Not even sure if it qualifies as an issue, maybe it's just a bad habit

Where the fuck did it come from?

Some buried childhood shit or bad relationship experiences?

I might have to sit back and actually think about that!

Anyway the bad habit/issue is Aggression.

Not violence related aggression, mind you, but aggression in the sense that I'm the pursuer

And not just the pursuer, I always seem to do more than my 'fair share' of pursuing....

Egh, basically, I try too hard.

There, I said it, I'll admit it!

I try too hard.

I've even been told this by people I've dated.

It's been an annoying habit of mine for years...

Maybe it has something to do with vying for attention from my dad when my brother and I were kids...

Or maybe that's crap.

Who knows where it comes from?!

Thing is, I KNOW I do it and yet have problems stopping myself!

Do I have attachment issues? Am I insecure?

I used to, and I was.

But this behavior hasn't disappeared with those issues...

I'm a bit of a junkie...

I thrive on the chase, and try to keep that going

The excitement of it....

Why can't you sit back and be pursued?!

If I did that, I'd only receive offers from people I'm not interested in...

Like (most) bowlers I wait on, the overly aggressive dirty older guys, or the dorky socially awkward guy that feels he has nothing to lose so why not go talk to her?

I find someone/something I'm interested in, and I go after him/her/it...

The more interested I am, the more aggressive I tend to be

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't....other times, one, then the other.

When it works, I still can't seem to cool it down.

I've scared off more than a few decent guys with it too.

Right now I find myself doing it yet AGAIN, but with a twist:

I've also had the tables turned on me!

Too aggressively pursuing one and being aggressively pursued by another (or two)

I'm taking a step back and trying to chill the fuck out.

There are a couple of bowlers that flirt and ask me out and just won't give up.

One I have flatly told 'no'

Another is a dirty thirty something that treats me disrespectfully

The third one, is a little sneaky...

He's nice, a little quiet, and his occupation could be of use to me

(He lays hardwood floors)

So I've been nice to him, chatting after my shift over a beer at the alley

I thought I'd be able to do new floors sooner, so I gave him my number, thinking he could help me out with the type of wood/color blahblahblah

And then the late night text messages started.

Great, wtf did I get myself into.

Then the requests to 'grab a drink sometime.'

Finally, I said, Ok fine, I'll have a drink with you.

He's not my type by a long shot, but I'll humor him (is that wrong, tell me?!)

Why?

Fuck if I know. I'm tired of him asking...(wait, that's not a good reason!)

Wednesday we were supposed to have a drink at happy hour...

Then I get a text:

I couldn't talk you into a movie at your place and ordering in supper by any chance could I? I think I'm getting an ear infection but I still really want to do something with you.

Since I was away from my desk I didn't see it....then, 10 minutes later:

If you don't want to or don't feel comfortable doing that don't worry. I just don't feel up to actually going out. You just have to promise to reschedule.

Oh geez.

Then last night he wants to know if we can reschedule for Today. Friday.

Since when does 'grab a drink sometime' turn into dinner again?!

(Recall this strategy from a month ago - the Musician...)

Huh. (I haven't replied)

So this is what it feels like?

I'm turned off by my own medicine.

Ain't that some shit...

Time to do some self-eval and then kick my own ass.

Quarter Century + 1 Pi

2008-02-13T08:44:00.006-06:00

Today is the Pi's Birthday!

I'm excited...yet not.

I'm usually the one to go way over the top for everything....

Not particularly in the mood for it this time!

I think it has something to do with the fact that my dad isn't around...

And it's too god damn cold outside.

Good Wednesday morning to you....it's two below in the metro...

GREAT way to wake up.

At least we're going to lunch at a nice place with food so heavy that I'll be in a nice coma for the afternoon :)

And presents!

Mother sent my presents here and they've been sitting on my desk since Monday!

And I have a mystery bag from a coworker...

I'm going to wait till lunch, gah!

Where are my birthday spankings?!

Hot Sex to the Third Degree

2008-02-12T08:41:00.000-06:00

Since this post is decidedly un-sexy, I had to use a sexy title...

Last night, after pouring over the Rolling Stone cover article over dinner I got to thinking.

Britney, you bitch, you're just having fun with everyone.

Then instead of reading the entire magazine and doing fuck-all on a Monday night I decided to be Productive

So at 6:30 ish I decide to re-arrange my living room!

It's been 6 months since I moved in...time for a change

First up: Move my two bookcases into the other room.

Note: I have LOTS of books.

After I finish that, the room already looks bigger.

Neat.

OK, time to move the TV and stuff.

I have an extra coffee table from IKEA that was small enough to be used in my dorm room about 7 years ago...I kept it for whatever reason

It's about the same height as the TV stand...

Being the Stubborn Independent Woman that I am, I figured: I can do this, I've done it before!

So I unhook the TV and slide er onto the old coffee table.

Next, drag the stands with all the dvds and electronic stuff and speakers over to the new location

Turn on stereo.

OK, now the moving of the TV.

In hindsight, I should have moved the shag area rug first....

So I'm dragging the table across the floor, with the TV on top of it...

Then I notice that the legs on one side are starting to lean

And then crack

Hm.

Slowly....slowly moving the table with the TV...

I get it almost to where I can move it on top of the stand.

And then the table breaks.

Falls on my already bruised right foot,

I stub my toe on the sharp end of a screw sticking out of the leg...

And the TV slides into my left leg.

God Damnit.

After struggling with it a bit more, I resign to leave it where it is.

I get the broken table out of the way and move the rest of my things around, vacuum blahblahblah

After a bit I notice my leg is kinda sore.

It's tender and a couple of bumps are forming where the TV crashed into me.

As you can see from the picture, the TV is not a light beast.

(I slaved away as a hostess at Perkins for a month to pay for it 5 years ago...)

It's a 32" Toshiba tube.

Heavy.

I call my upstairs neighbor...no answer, I leave this rambling message, call another friend...no answer again.

Screw it.

Curious, I roll up my pant leg...

Holy Shit!

I bruised the fuck out of my leg.

Surprisingly it didn't hurt that much.

I have a high tolerance for pain.

Then I watched the news on the floor.

I totally kicked my own ass.

The worst part?

It's hard to cross my legs the way I prefer.

The best?

Showing off my sweet bruise and grossing people out.

The Spice Grows Impatient

2008-02-08T08:50:00.000-06:00

The car search ended a few weeks ago.

I made up my mind.

Finally.

I went out and test-drove 2 cars.

Yes, two.

My favorite two....

I did sit in the other potentials on the list, stroke them a bit, see if I liked their style.

I did not.

So first, I test drove an Infiniti G35x

A brand new one!

No, I'm not going to buy a brand new car.

That's retarded since I don't have THAT kind of cash...

It was pretty neat, I walked into the dealership, was immediately helped, said I was looking at that car...and off we were to the demo...

Fancy back up camera and everything...all kinds of neat little features

The sales guy blabbed the whole time, so I couldn't really have a good time.

In the end, I think it hurt the car's chances.

It felt nice, bigger than my current Infiniti...

I told him I wasn't finished looking yet, that I still had to go to another dealership that day...

Just so happens his cousin works there!

Neat.

So I left with a name...

I arrive at the Lexus dealership, excited.

I take a look at the model in the showroom, sit in it....

And fall in love!

Would you like to test drive one?

Sure.

Ok, I'll need to make a copy of your license, you can wait here and look a the color slides for the interior and exterior...

Ok....

So I play around and decide I like the red one with the beige interior....

Ok, here's the fob, it's the dark grey metallic car right there (points), have fun!

!

How long do I have?

Typically people are gone for 15 to 20 minutes...

Sweet.

I grab a CD from my car, and take off in the brand new Lexus.

Holy Sexy.

After running her around the highway and some curves, and speeding the whole time, I return.

I'm totally sold.

That's the car I want.

Course, I'm going for the used one...

A 2006 Lexus IS 250 AWD

Now, it's only a matter of time before it shows up at auction.

(We have a hook-up in Chicago...MUCH cheaper than buying from a dealer here...)

Anyway, I'm going to sell my old car to my friend whose truck died several weeks ago...

So what happens?

The fan dies.

Not that it was working perfectly in the first place, far from it, but now it doesn't work AT ALL.

Which means no heat.

No defroster.

God damnit.

So I decide to have it looked it, see how much it'd be to fix it...

The fan motor's all burnt out, that'll be about a hundred bucks...

::SIGH::

Ok, let's do it.

1.5 hours later...

Hi, uh, the fan switch assembly is also burnt out...

And how much is that going to be?

It's a $3.87 part, but we'll have to order it.

When will it come in?

Looks like Tuesday...

Ok, can I pick my car up today?

Sure.

I pick it up and what do you know, the whole section of the dash where the temperature controls reside has been ripped out.

I have a gaping hole with wires coming out of it and the temperature thing is sitting on my front seat.

Awesome.

No heat for a few more days.

IMPATIENT PI....

Now... the Lexus...go for a black one since that's all that's been showing up for a couple months....or hold out for the Red one?

Or I could get a brand new Kia minivan and get a car for free with my down payment money and call it good....

Baahahahaha!

Yeah, right.

The Traveling Vacuum

2008-02-06T12:14:00.000-06:00

January 23rd, I'm looking at reviews of vacuums on the interweb at work...

Yeah, yeah I'm busy.

I looked at Hoover, Bissell, Dyson, Euro-Pro, LG, Dirt Devil, etc.etc.

Mom has a Dyson Animal...

I used it when I was home over Christmas, it worked well and damn was it on the heavy side...

After reading reviews I was curious about pricing...

Dyson Animal: $600 new

Holy buckets.

I found it around $425 somewhere...I think.

I know...eBay!

Searching....

Look! One's ending in 20 minutes and it's at $215

! !

Ok....how much do I want to spend on this thing...

Slightly used, in pristine condition, with attachments, one year warranty from the seller....

TIME FOR AN IMPULSE BUY!

Most people's impulse buys are a candy bar, a piece of clothing, maybe a pair of shoes...not a frickin' vacuum!

hmmm so I wait till the 3 minute marker and toss in my bid: $255

Holy Shit did you just bid TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY-FIVE DOLLARS on a VACUUM?!

::Breathe Out::

Yes, I did....

For the next 3 minutes I constantly refreshed the page...

Just waiting for someone's auto-bid thing to go off...

Flashes of getting text alerts at home while bidding on Arcadia purses came back to me...

And the 5 purses I've lost by ONE FUCKING DOLLAR, cuz I didn't have internet at home and was too cheap to get the text alerts...

Not this time.

The auction ended without any surprises.

I won!

Er, I won the right to pay $255 plus shipping for a Vacuum.

A DYSON.

I totally geeked!

The next day I received an email saying they would ship it via UPS the next day and I would receive a tracking number.

. . .

That didn't happen.

The next week, last week, I sent them an email asking about it...

I received shipping information for a vacuum exactly like mine, except my name wasn't on the shipping info and it was headed to California.

Ummmm, that's nice but that isn't me.

Oh, sorry, here's the correct shipping info, it was sent on January 25th and left on the porch as requested.

Ummmm, also not me!

Oh crap.

I bet someone was pissing themself...

The next day I received this:

A Thousand Appologies. I located the Dyson it is in California I AM SO SORRY i Called ups and it is going to be rerouted to you with the correct information. Again I am so sorry The Tracking number is xxxxxxxxxxxxx At this moment it does show the wrong name but is being correct as i type this email. The package is being rerouted to you at your work address
I don't know how i messed it up but i am getting it to you now

I checked the tracking number...

My vacuum went from Florida to Los Angeles....

It was on the truck for delivery to some bitch that didn't win it when it was 'Intercepted'

Then it went to Chicago...

Then Davenport...

Then through 5 hours of shitty snowy interstate to arrive in Des Moines at 7 this morning.

(Did I mention we got about a foot of snow yesterday?!)

It was finally delivered this afternoon!!

It better work when I get it home...

Now, assuming it is in perfect working order, do I leave good feedback with a note about the shipping mix-up?

Or back feedback? Or good feedback w/o a note?

Damn. My vacuum gets around.

The Dating Game

2008-01-29T08:50:00.000-06:00

Since I've been single, just over a month now, I've been having a GREAT time!

It's back to....The Dating Game

A couple of weekends ago, I had one of those Fridays where Happy Hour turns into 2am...

Yeah, one of those.

Well, I finally made it to a bar downtown with my two short bald male friends (one single, one taken) about midnight

They were grabbing beers while I grabbed a table

Having successfully snagged one, I sat down.

They started to take too long, so I started chatting up a group of people standing near the table.

Couple of guys, couple of girls, no big deal.

Next thing I know one of the guys is asking for my number.

I thought he was kinda cute, he said he was a musician blahblahblah I figured WTF, why not?

So I gave him my number when he asked if I'd like to grab a drink sometime.

My friends return with beer and I join them, the guy going back to his table...

I was pretty drunk when all of this occurred...

A couple days later, on Sunday, I was at a sports bar watching the Packers game when I ran into a guy that works at one of the car dealerships where I test drove a car the weekend before

He was pretty nice, bought me a drink, a shot, made me laugh yaddayadda, can I call you?

Sure, you have my number.

He's single, he's 'well off', funny, WTF, right?

I was there with this chick I know and we completely took over this table of guys....

Hey guys, can we sit here?

Within a couple of hours the table was packed with people we knew and all the guys were standing around...teehee

One of the guys sorta caught my eye, a cutie, after hearing him go on and on about whatever I figured he was a jerk.

But he kept talking to me.

Even threw something in on the sly:

Blahblahblah you're horny aren't you?

What did you just say?

You heard me.

You just asked me if I'm horny......why, yes, I am.

Ok, gotta say, it was funny, random, and got my attention - and he was right...

After a little physical contact and more chatting, he seemed pretty interested and I was curious...

I'd like to hang out with you.

Wow. You get right to the point.

I don't like to play games...

So we exchanged numbers and he said he'd call me as he left.

Don't call him! says my chick friend.

I'm not planning on it.

The next day I received a call from the musician from Friday night.

Ah, yes, The 3-Day Approach.

So, uh, how bout that drink?

We compared schedules and settled on Friday.

Call or text me later this week and we'll figure out the details.

(He was a little odd on the phone)

Friday comes and I find myself working late.

Guh. On Friday.

He calls around 6:15...leaves a message about 'grabbing dinner later?'

Huh, is this a new approach? Say 'a drink' and mean 'dinner'?

I call him back and he proposes dinner at a Vietnamese restaurant that I'd heard of but hadn't visited yet....

Sure, what the hell.

I show up around 8:30, as agreed

As I walk in, I recognize him, and immediately think He's not as cute as I remember!

Damn beer.

He was a pretty nice guy, conversation was easy, I ordered god knows what from the menu, which was good, some kind of soup...

After dinner he suggests a few options and we decide on one of my favorite bars which had a Bluegrass band playing that night.

Ok, Bluegrass, not really my style but I can't say I've ever listened to it, time to try something new.

. . .

At least the beer was good.

And I got to make fun of a guy totally rockin out on a mandolin.

About midnight, I had decided that I wasn't interested in Musician for anything more than friends...

Oh yeah, I was flirting with the guy sitting next to me too....

Once he started to put his arm around me, in that 'protective fashion' y'know the lower back guiding hand...

That was it.

I'm really tired, I think I'm going to head home.

Which was true, I had been yawning...

We stood up and...

So would you like to do this again sometime?

Maybe just as friends, not sure about anything else. You're really good company, thanks for everything!

And I bolted.

Whoo. Classy.

A couple days later, on Sunday, I'd had enough of The Waiting Game with the Sports Bar Guy.

So I called him.

Before I did so, I got that nervous sensation, heart pounding...how exciting!

As soon as he answered, I was smooth as whipped butter.

The conversation was entertaining....

Emails were exchanged yesterday...

And now I have a lunch date tomorrow : )

Wow, this single stuff is fun!

As the Bowling Ball Turns: EXTREME Bowling

2008-01-14T17:15:00.000-06:00

The continuing saga...

Bowling allies draw people from all walks of life.

Much like professional wrestling.

The white-trash-I-have-no-idea-what-a-mall-is to young upwardly mobile professionals (yuppies)

People of all ages etcetc you get the point

This creates an interesting social atmosphere on league nights

Last night I had the opportunity to chat with the girlfriend of one of the leaguers

At first, I had no idea that he was her boyfriend

Why?

Cuz he looks like her dad.

Then she went on this rant about how wonderful her three daughters are and they're so pretty and smart and the youngest is going to be a model and here I sit at a bowling alley, smoking a cigarette with my bad skin.

What?!

Yeah.

I think she's jealous of her own daughters.

Anyway, the dirty men were all in full form this week.

Tuesday night my dirtiest customer, Dale, had a guest.

His twin brother.

Whose nickname, Dirty Dawg, is tattooed on his arm.

Great.

He goes by 'Dawg' too...

Dale introduced us and Dawg couldn't get a word out

He was stunned by my beauty.

Later I found out he lived through a brain aneurysm...

He has problems with controlling half of his body.

At one point he came into the bar to ask me about my tattoos and grab a couple beers.

He had to show off his Dirty Dawg tat.

Then he took off his sweatshirt (and half of his t-shirt) to show me the Viking tattoo on his upper right arm.

Why?

Who fucking knows.

I had to yell at Dale to get his bro to put his clothes back on...

Constantly, I'll have leaguers say I missed you

So good to see you, You look good tonight...

What does a girl say to these?

Oh, honey, I missed you to! Always a pleasure to see you, thank you...

Shit, that gets old quickly.

Then there's the dork that likes to flirt.

With those big brown eyes, when he looks at me it's like he's a little kid again.

Well I was going to come into the bar and deliver to you my raunchiest pick-up line but I was afraid you'd smack me!

Seriously? You'd think I'd be offended or threatened by a raunchy line from you?

Huh.

The night ended with me torturing myself with 3 games of bowling, which were pretty awful and very painful.

I need to practice more.

What about EXTREME BOWLING

Y'know, like the X-games?

Like throwing a ball that's on fire or having a large vicious blood-thirsty animal released if you're taking too long...

How about Strip Bowling?

If you don't put up a mark, remove an article of clothing!

Hehehe

We'd need a private alley for that.

Or a waiver.

And standards.

I don't want to see 'normal' leaguers running around in nothing but socks and bowling shoes

Eeeww.

But wouldn't that be fun?

Nude Bowling.

Sweet.

Cock-us Night

2008-01-03T13:16:00.000-06:00

Everyone has their Eye on Iowa

All for tonight.

I have a feeling tonight we'll see the largest turnout EVER

Does that mean I won't have to watch political commercials one after another nonstop?

Maybe just every other commercial?

Pretty Please...

I'm going to attempt to caucus tonight.

We'll see how I do.

Maybe I'll take pics.

OOoooo exciting.

A group of people in a church basement!

Maybe a little spa treatment would be a nice motivator...

Come Caucus! Free Manicures! Free Massages!

I'm not big on politics, never have been.

yeah, yeah I'll go ahead and take advantage of my right and freedom to have a say in how this country is run...

I bet you're a Democrat. You're young and full of hope, and don't know any better. Everyone's a Democrat when they're young. When you get older, like me, you become a Republican.

-The Office Know-It-All

Charming.

Tonight, we make history.

Prediction: Huckabee, Obama

2007 Quickie Recap

2007-12-31T10:20:00.001-06:00

I grew up a lot in 2007.

I started the year by breaking off a long term relationship for good.

I was unhappy after that.

So I turned to the chemical escape...

Then I decided to purchase a piece of real estate for myself.

Why?

Still not sure.

Maybe I needed to have a better reason to stay in Des Moines other than an ok job and a handful of friends.

I closed on my place in June, my dad came out for a couple of weekends in July to help me work on it.

Lots of hard grueling work.

But it's what I'm proudest of in 2007.

I started to fall in love. . . twice.

Or was it lust once and love once?

::Shrug::

I made some great new friends

Took alot of pictures.

Became more important at work.

I buried my father.

Now I'm going to start 2008 with a clean slate.

Single

A new car

Freedom from credit card debt

A raise, new job responsibilities

A different outlook on life?

Despite all of these things, I still feel a little lost.

Then again, who isn't?

Hope everyone has a safe and awesome New Year's Celebration

: )

She did what?!

2007-12-28T13:20:00.000-06:00

The Pi will enter 2008 a single gal...

Yes, the co-worker thing wasn't working out for me.

I broke it off on the 27th...

It seems a rather sudden and hasty decision, doesn't it?

Because it was.

I went from asking someone to watch my kitties cuz we were going to his parents' place this weekend...to I think I'm going to break up with him.

In 2 hours.

I started thinking about leaving asap after work on Friday to make the 3 hour drive to NW Iowa...and I became anxious.

I've been experiencing Anxiety Attacks for about 8 months, not sure why.

I had my longest and scariest attack the first time we drove up there.

Sitting here in my cubicle, freaking out about going up there to do his family Christmas, really got me thinking.

Why am I freaking out!?

I don't want to go. In fact, I'm dreading it.

That's not a good sign.

There have been lots of bad signs the last few weeks actually.

It all started two weeks ago with the trip to my grandmother's house in Southern Illinois.

A grueling 8.5 hour drive.

The last night we were there some shit happened that changed everything.

Privacy was not respected, as a result questions about a topic I said I'd never discuss were asked.

There are things in this world that once you say them, you can't unsay them.

No matter how much you didn't mean it, or how sorry you are.

It's been said.

The toothpaste is out of the tube.

He said one of those things.

I almost walked out and said Fuck This.

I knew he didn't mean it.

But that doesn't change the fact that it hurt deeply.

Somehow we patched things up.

After that everything changed.

He pointed out to me one day that my demeanor towards him wasn't the same as before.

Before that night in Southern Illinois.

I thought I had coped with that whole thing pretty well. I thought I was over it.

Guess not.

On the drive back I told him that I needed some space.

This is something that I had been putting off for a couple of weeks...shame on you Pi.

Not like, we need to take a break space, more like, I need time to myself and with friends space.

Y'know, the good kind of space.

I was feeling a bit smothered.

When I start to feel that way, usually I run.

It's too much.

This was not taken lightly.

His inexperience with relationships led him to believe that I was pushing him away.

::sigh::

Not the case.

People in a healthy relationship still have their own lives.

I felt like mine was slipping away.

He only moved here a few months ago and doesn't really have one...

The whole thing became really frustrating.

Think about your relationships in high school.

That's what this was like for me.

Dating someone without any foundation!

But you can mold him any way you want

Pfft. I don't have that kind of patience!

The other signs that started popping up in the last few weeks were that I didn't really miss him when I was in Chicago for 5 days.

Sure, I said I did, but sometimes you just go through the motions...

Hopefully one can realize when that's actually happening, that there's no actual feeling there.

I started thinking about dating other people...

Oh he's cute, wonder if we could have a drink sometime...

It's not the thought that bothered me, it's that I really wanted to ACT on it.

Then there are our differences.

He's rather conservative.

I'm not.

Thinking that maybe it's a good thing, maybe it will bring us closer together since there are so many different things to learn about each other...

I think there were differences that, in the long run, would only tear us apart.

It would have taken a large amount of work.

I'm not afraid of putting forth a large amount of effort to make a relationship work, but this time, I had to pass.

With nothing to build on...the time it would have taken...

Sometimes, I felt like he was trying to control me, not in a vindictive way, but it was there.

I felt like I couldn't be myself.

I can't say things about certain experiences I've had, it will upset him.

Fuck that.

I have a lot of shit going on in my life right now, I don't need this kind of stress.

The last sign, the one that put the nail in the coffin, is that once I decided to break up with him, I was relieved!

I felt like a huge weight had been lifted.

A relationship should not feel like a burden.

To me, ours did.

So I had to let it go.

I'll miss you, I will.

But not for long.

If I regret it, so be it.

I have a right to be wrong. My mistakes make me strong.

Time to start the New Year...

A Suspicious Adventure

2007-12-18T14:48:00.000-06:00

It's not quite 'Officially' winter yet, but that didn't stop that huge ass storm last week.

Y'know the one that was all over the news for knocking out power in shitty states like Oklahoma.

Well, we had a wicked ice storm here in central Iowa.

So wicked, in fact that I took the day off.

Er, was FORCED to...

Y'see, I got up sorta on time, Pi-time anytime, and was heading out to my garage about a quarter after 8...

In my high heels, bad idea.

My garage is in a building of other garages, and it's on a hill.

(Meaning I have to walk up-hill...)

In high heels.

On ice.

So I make the perilous journey to my garage without falling...punch in my Secret Garage Door Code and...

It starts to open.

Then stops about 6 inches off the ground.

It closes.

Damnit.

So I bang on it a bit.

And I almost fall.

Time to change the shoes.

Did I mention the freezing rain that was falling at the time?

Right. It was freezing rain, ice cold, ravaging my hair.

After the shoe change the trek to the garage was a piece of cake.

I brought a pair of scissors with me too.

To help get the ice off the door, der.

After much banging and scraping and whatnot I decide to assist the door on its way up

I push the code and quickly grab the handle and start to yank up on the damn thing.

Tried that several times...and it didn't help!!

So I give up and say to myself Oh, gosh darnit! I can't go to work today. What about calling someone to come pick you up?

Pfft. Like anything I have to do at work today is work someone risking their life to drive the 4 miles to pick me up!

I call in and tell them my garage door is frozen shut, so I won't be in!

Haha, suckers.

Well, this was a Tuesday so I had to work at Ye Olde Bowling Alley that night.

Tuesday is a great tip night.

Lots of dirty old men.

About 5 I decide to giver another try.

The first time I punch in the code the door goes up to about my waist!

I was soooo excited.

But, yeah, it stopped.

More punching of codes and helping the door along with a good yank on the handle...

It never gets as far up as my waist again, and it's making this noise like I'm breaking something.

Hmmm.

It's open about 14 inches....

So I crawl underneath it to see wtf is going on.

There's a bar from a box in the middle of the door extending out to the side and it's lodged in a hole in the track...

LIKE A LOCK!!

Holy shit, it's locked.

I somehow managed to lock my garage door when I was yanking on handles that morning.

I try my mailbox key cuz it looks about the right size.

Insertion. No turning.

Crap, what if that key that I thought was an extra mail box key on the ring of extra keys I gave to my friend for cat sitting is actually the garage door key?!

Yeah it totally is.

Ok.

Crawl back under the door.

At this point, it's dark outside and people are getting home from work.

Here I am crawling out from under my garage door, looking like I'm up to no good...

I examine the lock.

Can't figure out how to unlock it from the inside. The damn thing didn't have instructions, I pushed a lever around and nothing is happening...

Wait.

Fucking DER.

I crawl back out and go inside to retrieve a pair of pliers.

Scoot back under the door, I'm all snowy and dirty now...

Remove the bar that is the lock.

Voila!

I'm free!

And no one called the cops, not sure if I should be happy about that one or not.

Damn, I'm good.

Pi Hearts NFL

2007-11-26T15:18:00.000-06:00

Since the weather has gone to shit, there isn't much to do in Iowa...

Except watch TV.

Which means watching sports and movies and the same shows over and over and over

Pi's never been all that interested in any sport to learn, retain, and recall information about the players and their stats etc

Soccer was a part of my life growing up, and we all know how exciting that is to watch on TV

Being from Chicago, there's always been an allegiance to Da Bears.

(And the Cubs since I'm a Northsider)

Recently the dudes in my life have exposed me to their world of sports obsession

First, baseball.

Now, football.

Side Note:

Pi's never been to a football game beyond high school.

Yes, I lived in a college town for 6.5 years and never made it into the stadium to watch my team!

I was too busy in the parking lot, DUH.

An opportunity to go to my first NFL game presented itself and was quickly squashed.

Now it's too cold to see any of the 'local' teams.

'Local' because I live in the barren wasteland that is Iowa.

We don't have professional teams, so the Bears, Chiefs, and Vikings are the closest, none of which are worth seeing this year!

(sorry Bears)

. . . . . end side note

The NFL is surprisingly appealing to me this year.

I've started to remember players' names and stuff!

New Boyfriend is a HUGE fan of the Cowboys

(I know, I'll never forgive him for it...)

And I have my lovable Bears, a crush on the Colts, and an interest in the Pats, and I guess I'll root for the Cowboys if they're not playing any of my teams.

Much time has been spent in bars, with beer and munchies in the last month!

Planning for Sunday and Monday is done around the NFL schedule.

Oh yes, this chick loves watching NFL games.

One thing I always notice is the Referee.

Of course, I have a favorite.

The black one!

There is only one, his name is Mike.

Why?

I dunno, I just like the guy.

Who has a favorite ref?!

I do.

That's Pi for ya.

Against the Mainstream

2007-11-14T15:04:00.000-06:00

New Boyfriend has pointed out something interesting about me

Imagine that.

Pi? Interesting?

Duh.

Anyway, the observation was that I am Anti-Mainstream

I've never looked at that way...

I just hate things that are BORING...VANILLA...BLAH

I don't go out of my way to be this way.

I just AM.

How? do you ask...

I don't put mayonnaise on my sammiches at home.

I use pesto.

I don't buy white bread or wheat bread or wonder bread everyday-run-of-the-mill bread.

I go to the bakery section.

Tomato soup?

Nope.

Roasted Red Pepper and Tomato soup....then add rice and corn

My condo isn't decorated like anyone else's....

I don't listen to the radio, so I'm not into whatever is 'in' in that respect either

Have you seen my cubicle?!

I have very particular tastes.

It's my sub-conscience never-ending battle against the BORING

Cuz, really, is there anything worse than being boring?

That would be the ultimate hell for me.

Everything vanilla.

Perfect little wafers floating about...

Like living in that neighborhood from Edward Scissor Hands.

Or any suburb in America, where every house is a shade of beige, with a perfectly manicured lawn, a fluffy golden retriever, and 2.3 children.

Barf.

Oh right, left out the SUV and Mercedes/BMW in the driveway.

Whatever is perceived as 'Normal' and 'mainstream'...I don't want any part of it!

Get out there and do shit your way.

Another thing, if, when I'm older, my Big Night Out is the night I have bowling league with my husband and neighbors, frickin SHOOT me!

Shh, it's a SECRET

2007-11-06T15:48:00.000-06:00

haha like I can keep a secret for very long...

I need to take another Half Naked Hush picture...

So the Pi isn't exactly single anymore....

And by 'isn't exactly' I mean I'm not.

I just have a hard time admitting stuff like that!

So now that it's out-of-the-bag it's time for part two...

I'm breaking my Rule.

My Rule that I said I'd never break.

The Rule that was instated for a Very Good Reason.

I will not date: coworkers, classmates, neighbors, or bowlers.

Repeat: I will NOT date coworkers, classmates, neighbors, or bowlers.

Hah, yeah, guess which one the new SO is......

He's a coworker.

I'm blowing that Rule out of the park....(figuratively....er...well...you pervs!)

I can justify this by saying he works on the complete opposite end of the building, in a department I almost never have contact with, and I never see him in a meeting, and might catch a glimpse in the hall...

Besides, he's a great guy!

I dunno, however people meet people....

Well, where do you spend a good chunk of your time?

Work.

Under the frightening glare of fluorescent lights, glued to a computer screen, tickling the keyboard, slurping down coffee and wasting away in meetings while drawing dicks on the agenda.

(unless you like your job, if you do, eat it.)

Where else are you going to meet people?

The bar?!

Pshaw. Been there, tried that, guess what, doesn't work.

Point is, I'm ridiculously happy and grossing myself out with the cheesey shit that's been spilling out of my head.

Why is he so great?

Example: last Wednesday he helped me make my pumpkin-pies-from-real-pumpkins-not-from-a-can and while I was busy mixing and whatnot he asked what to do with all the dishes:

I'll probably get to them on Saturday, I'm busy until then.

Oh, well, then I'll do them.

::shocked:: That wasn't my intention when I said that!

Don't worry about it, I want to.

I wonder if there are people out there that thinks this is a small thing....

Let me tell you, IT'S NOT.

That's HUGE.

Follow that up with digging all the holes for me to plant bulbs in over the weekend and DING DING DING, We have a Winner!

Damn, I'm lucky.

And so is he.

We're gross.

Car Lust

2007-11-02T08:42:00.000-05:00

Staying positive about everything surrounding my father's sudden death has been difficult

To say the least.

So, here's my take on one small piece of it...

The life insurance money.

It's not like I'm going to be receiving a ridiculous amount of money and stop working and travel the world, picking up companions everywhere I go...(How fun!)

And it's not going to make me feel any better about his death.

It will make my financial life a bit better.

I'm going to use some of it to become bad-debt free (ie credit cards!)

Something my dad was never able to achieve.

Then I'm going to save some, throw some at the condo...

And...

FINALLY replace my old junky car.

My 1992 Infiniti G20, given to me by my mother and the source of endless problems and frustrated phone calls.

Like the time I was on my way to Midway airport (FROM IOWA), stopped for gas and the alternator crapped out on me (6 hours beginning at 1am!!)...and I had to call my dad about it cuz I hadn't told my mother I was taking a little trip....

And I was still an hour from the airport!

More recently, how I was forced to repair the leak in the brake line on MOVING DAY and incur the cost of a rental car...

And, of course, how could I forget the time it just doesn't feel like starting?!

Jiggle the shifter, sometimes that works.

If not, pop 'er into neutral and give it a try....she likes that one.

Even though she's a hunk o'junk, I still love her.

She's my first car.

Cheap to insure.

Never had a car payment.

Well, now it's time to change that.

A portion of the life policy will become a down payment on a beautiful machine like this:

Yeah, I'm fancy like that.

Can't you see the Pi in the nice Red Jag?!

Oh, baby...

Pumpkin Carving Party

2007-10-18T08:44:00.000-05:00

I love carving pumpkins.

It appeals to my creative side and my need to do stuff with my hands....

Idle hands...blahblahblah

This year, I decided to have friends over for some home made soup and to carve pumpkins

BYOP, of course.

I, being the pumpkin aficionado that I am, went to my favorite pumpkin farm on Sunday.

45 miles away.

Yep, a little drive for some pumpkins.

Sure, we passed a few other pumpkin farms on the way...

But it isn't MY pumpkin farm.

The one I discovered 3 years ago when I was killing myself selling insurance (don't ask)

I walked away with 3 beautiful carving pumpkins, 2 pie pumpkins, 2 butter squash, and 2 loaves of bread: zucchini with pecans and rhubarb

De.licious.

Home made from scratch (except for the crust) pumpkin pie will happen next week.

Last night, we broke out the tools, some beer, and got cuttin'

I chose my prettiest pumpkin to carve first:

This will be my 'cute' pumpkin this year.

The next one will be a little more scary

And the third is going to be downright creepy.

I think the creepy one will have to take up residence atop my filing cabinet at work...

At first, only Megan and I were the only ones carving...

Her pumpkin:

Then Eric and Scott arrived with their own pumpkins, as requested!

They were hesitant...but gave in to the pumpkin carving temptation.

Eric's pumpkin was kinda small and a bit rotten inside.

Gross.

But it turned out great:

Scott said he's NEVER carved a pumpkin before!

I found that unbelievable.

He cut er open and I helped him pull out the guts and scoop scrape dig...

Then he picked the simplest pattern in the book.

Which was a happy looking pumpkin.

He started with poking the holes and then tracing the pattern....

As he was carving I noticed his pumpkin was cracked on the bottom.

He became frustrated, thinking it was ruined and just about gave up.

Everyone told him to keep going!

So he kept on...then decided to just go with the flow...and started carving every which way!

The result:

I think it's adorable!

A couple of strategically placed eyebrows and it could be menacing.

This weekend: cooking up the seeds and more carving!

Last year's spooky pumpkin post

Getting Back on Track

2007-10-10T16:20:00.000-05:00

Alright, so where were we...

Ahhh yes.

Tailgating.

The pictures I said I would post a couple of weeks ago...

Tailgating is an art.

It takes planning, preparation, and dedication.

If you arrive at 8am for a 12:37pm kick-off, you're late.

Especially for the Iowa vs Iowa State Game...

You meet all kinds of people tailgating...

Families, students, alumni...

What do they have in common?

A love of football and drunkenness.

Yes, whole families, wasted off their asses!

Some days are started with an omelet and a Bloody Mary

Not these.

A bowl of chili and crappy beer....not to mention shotgunning and beer-bongs....

That's how you start the College Football Saturday Extravaganza

About mid-morning, after playing bags and that game where you toss a string with balls on either end - way too dangerous for drunks in my opinion - you get a hankerin'

For some brats!

Fire up the grill and get out that spatula!

Spatula?!

Fuck. We forgot the spatula.

No worries.

Iowa State is known for it's engineering program.

Surely there are Engi-nerds present that can solve our dilemma....

You need only look left or right, they dwell among us in large numbers.

5 minutes later, Voila!

A Beer Can Spatula:

Fucking Genius.

After that some drinking games...

Namely, Tippy-Cup

Which I ROCK at!!

My team completely dominated.

I'm a single-flip-attempt kinda gal.

Always on the first try.

That's how great I am.

::Pat on Back::

Other things of note from that tailgate:

PENIS.

For some reason, guys feel the need to show me their dicks.

Not usually a problem.

Except we're drunk in the middle of the afternoon in a tailgating field in a college town in central Iowa!

Meh. I took pictures.

I was looking for a TV to watch the game on...and walked into the arms of a guy named Todd.

It was really odd.

35, recently divorced, father of a 3.5 year old son, from out of town....how convenient

He was cute, tall, claimed to be successful...

And then he took his sunglasses off....

SQUINTY.

Uck.

At least I got to smoke some of his cigar . . . (pervs)

Oh yeah, IOWA STATE WON!!

Eat it, Hawks.

What happened that day...

2007-10-01T08:37:00.000-05:00

My paternal family is diabetic.

All five of my aunts/uncles and my grandfather.

My grandmother died September 18, 2004, after years on dialysis.

Dad was a little overweight and had been diagnosed with diabetes late in life.

He'd always been an active person, playing soccer since college, coaching us when we were kids, doing home improvement projects...

His death was extremely sudden.

A heart attack is suspected, although never confirmed.

He was playing soccer that day.

Came off the field at half-time and motioned to his chest.

Told his wife he felt pressure.

Do you have any pain anywhere? Anything tingling or numb?

No, I just feel weak.

At that point they found him some sugary water, thinking it was just low blood sugar.

He couldn't keep the water down, and they set off towards a path to have some privacy.

Once they got there, he got down on one knee.

He didn't feel well...

We should get you to the hospital, can you make it to the car?

I don't know, just let me get it together first...

Then he passed out.

He never really came to after that, a bit of incoherent moaning was about it.

An ambulance was called.

The had to call back for directions because they couldn't find the side entrance to the park.

My stepmother and stepsister followed.

They turned on the siren as they left...but soon turned it off.

After arriving at the hospital, they worked on him, but wouldn't allow anyone to see him

At one point, my stepmother and sister were placed in a small, private waiting room.

They were told it didn't look good, and to prepare for the worst.

After an hour and 45 minutes of working on him, they finally gave up.

He was pronounced dead at 7:45 pm.

The Medical Examiner refused to do an autopsy.

We'll never know for sure what it was that killed him.

I'm glad it was quick, that he didn't go through what his mother did.

He was only in pain for maybe 20 minutes.

And he was doing something he loved when it happened: playing soccer

2007-09-25T12:22:00.001-05:00

Sunday, September 16, 2007, approximately 7:30pm

I'm doing my nails, watching the Patriots game...

My phone rings.

It's my brother.

Odd.

It's either really good or really bad, he never calls 'just to talk'

I answer and immediately know something is wrong...

My brother is hysterical.

I just talked to Chris, (stepmom) she's at the hospital, it's dad, it doesn't look good, they said to prepare ourselves for the worst...

Ohmygod, what happened?!

I think it was a heart attack. I'll call you when I hear more...

Where are you?

I'm on my way home.

Chicago? Or your place?

My place.

OK, calm down, I'm going to leave as soon as I can, ok, just hold on...

I'm nervous, shaking, trying to wrap my head around what my brother just said.

I can't remember where my weekend bag is...

I call JMax and leave a frantic message, My dad had a heart attack, I'm leaving as soon as I can, I need to look after my cats.

I call my mom....no answer.

I'm running around my place, head spinning, I can't focus.

My phone rings

It's my brother again...

He's sobbing

Steph...Dad passed away.

I sat down and cried and told him I'd be home as soon as possible.

I threw a couple of things into a bag, hesitated as I reached for black clothing.

Trying to keep it together.

On my way out, I decide to call more people to see if I can drop off a spare key to someone that lives closer than JMax (he's 40 miles away)

Not one person answers.

Not even my creepy older upstairs neighbor.

Frustrated, I get in the car and head to the gas station, it's about 8:30

I'm still shaking.

My brother calls again.

He's a little more under control...

Don't come tonight, there's nothing we can do, it's not safe, just leave tomorrow.

No no, I've already left, I'm coming tonight.

I only received two return phone calls.

I told them the news and that I couldn't talk, I need to focus on driving.

That was the longest the drive has ever felt, even though I did it in record time

4 and a half hours, one bathroom break, one full tank of gas.

I had a lot of time to think....

About the things that I'll never be able to do with my dad.

Walk me down the aisle at my wedding.

Bounce his grandchildren on his knee.

Push it away.

You need to make it home in one piece.

I arrive at my mother's house at 1am.

The doors are locked, even the screen door in the back.

I ring the doorbell repeatedly and pound on the door.

She finally answers.

Mom.....dad died, I sob into her shoulder...

What?! Oh my god...

She's really out of it.

She took a sleeping pill and went to bed early.

My brother arrives about an hour later from Champaign.

More later...