Before I get all boring...

A couple of weeks ago it was graduation time at the ole University

So I drove my pretty little ass up to the college town to hit a graduation party

6 Years in the Making

Right

I was looking Fabulous in THE Red Shirt

As usual, but this time there was more of a reason.

There was a possibility of the X being there with his I-look-so-nice-girl-next-door-that's-actually-boring gf.

They weren't there when I arrived, so I made myself comfy

When they did, they were on the run a bit

No words were exchanged, barely even eye contact

Didn't bother me one bit, I was entertained.

They ended up sitting as far away as possible from me (hahaha)

There was a cutie in the room, a friend of the Graduation Boy's older Brother.

Older Brother comes up to me and says his friend thinks I'm cute and then licked my left ear

He wanted me to give that to you...

Yum.

So we start chatting, where ya from, whadda do type crap

He works for Coca-Cola. . . .

DING DING DING

shit starts going off in my head...

OMG You're the Hot Coke Guy!

He gives me a strange look.

Back when I worked at Ye Olde Sammich Shoppe there was a hot coke guy that would come fix our machine from time to time.

Everyone drooled over him.

So one day I decided, Fuck it. I'm giving him my number.

So I wrote it on a napkin!! (UBER LAME...infact, so LAME I made fun of that very thing here.)

I didn't give a shit. I didn't think he'd call anyway.

He didn't.

And here we are, a couple years later, at a graduation party.

I laughed it off and he was like...Wow you've done some growing up since then...

whatever bitch, we're about the same age.

They'd be hittin the bottle for about 4 hours at that point so everything was entertaining

Even got some White Boy Shots

We headed to an Irish restaurant/bar to continue the party...

Some of Older Brother's and Hot Coke Guy's friends show up...

Introductions are made...

Hi, I'm Justin

Yeah, I know.

You do look kinda familiar...

That's because I picked you up in the gyro line one night after the bars let out...

DING DING DING

The look was priceless. (whoo, 2 for 2)

I remember that night...

He remembered where I lived, that he was late to work the next morning and not just the fact that I have a tattoo on my lower back, but what it consists of!!

I must've made an impression.

I wasn't quite recalling everything at that moment, I blame the Tequila

But it all came back to me the next day after I looked it up in my Little Blue Book...

That was the one time I went home without my panties!

As we sat there chatting about that night so long ago, trying to piece it together, Hot Coke Guy is getting even drunker

And obnoxious.

He starts getting grabby.

And not in a good way.

I decided to write him off.

Then he figures out how his friend and I know each other...

He was none too happy about that...

Who knows why, it was like 4 years ago!

Men are so strange sometimes.

We hit the bars in campustown and it was one fucked up trip.

I am too old for college bars.

But it's fun to play with the little boys

We got all drunk and then headed back to Twinky Mc Straight Nutz place (formerly Manwhore)

He had been 'roofied' or something at the bar, it wasn't roofies cuz we know how that goes

But someone put some shit in his drink and he was rushed home before 11

We arrive and instead of busting into his room and jumping on him, we just yelled at him from the doorway...

Dave, show me your dick!

We've been friends for so long and I've STILL never seen his dick.

Crazy, I know.

So I pass out in the couch heaven that is his living room.

And fall off in the middle of the night

Twinky woke up early and made eggs and bacon.

We'll love him forever for that.

Then I morally assaulted his nerdy roommate.

She was so wholesome and shit and I'm sitting there in my bar stinkiness talking about dicks and swearing and being all racist-haha

I'm a peach.

By the time I finally made it home it was Bar Time again

JMax and I chilled out on the patio and met some drunk 40ish black guy that wanted to talk about all the ladies he'd been with in life and how he was one faithful dude

Right.

Off to the new hotspot downtown, where my drunken real estate agent was hanging out...with a shot of tequila waiting for me...

Cousin C's skanky ass was there!

He was approached by this little blonde number

I want to have sex with you.

Alright, let's go.

Apparently that's what happened right before I saw him being led out the door by said blonde.

Sweet.

SLUTS in da HOUSE.

Slut Slut get outta my get back to the back of the queue cuz your butters and blow
Can't have my number so leave me alone
Cuz you're wasted wasted wasted need a face lift...

Fuct up lyrics from Run 4 Cover by Basement Jaxx, my new obssession.