Thursday, June 19, 2008

That one guy

Everyone knows him.

That One Guy.

He's not a 'regular' in any of your circles

You don't even see him that often

But he calls

Just to chat.

That Guy.

Like that episode of Family Guy when Peter goes all pansy and calls Quagmire 'just to talk...sooo what are you doing....?'

Calling just to chat is a decidedly unmanly activity.

What does he chat about?

Fuck if I know!

It's like listening to any girlfriend you've ever had.

Work this and money that, btw you should invest in this microcap company, my roommate yadda yadda...

For the most part, it's fine.

For the other part, it's not.

When someone has a 'great investment' that they 'can't wait to tell you about' do you cringe?

I do.

It's just as bad as those religious jerks that show up at your door.

Or is it worse?

You can't just peep through the hole, strip down to your undies and then open the door and scare them away.


Coincidentally he's also the Really Chatty Drunk Guy.

And he's the Guy That Can't Handle His Liquor...

Bad combo.

But he's my buddy and no, I'd never let him move in with me even though he really needs a new place, but I'll listen to him bitch about whatever kind of rommate he does find...

Moderation is key.

We had dinner Tuesday night and I heard this song on the XM radio that was totally awesome...

I'm on a mission to find it.

I have no idea what it's called or who it's by, but it's in my head!

Don'tcha hate that?

In other news, I've been a homeowner for a year this Saturday!!

Wow. A whole year...already?

There are so many projects that I haven't finished yet, even more that I haven't started, and new ideas popping up...

No rush, this place is mine!

A couple nights ago I saw a newat pattern in the way the light hit the wall next to my front door.

Since that area is a bit sparse on decor, I decided to trace the pattern and paint it...

Mini weekend project, anyone?

Not this weekend, last minute, let's go to Chicago to celebrate Little Brother's 23rd birthday :)

Note: while searching for pics/formatting I found that song!! (Estelle - American Boy)

Thursday, June 05, 2008

some real shit

here i sit. late at night. storm outside, lighting streaming in through the window.

I was lying in bed just now thinking about the things that two of my friends said to me a few hours ago.

There's more to you than you let on. Why don't you share all of the 'regular' stuff? Tell us about your boring day or your stupid cat, why does it always have to be over the top crazy shit?

Apparently it makes some people uncomfortable. It's intimidating.

I know I'm intimidating without even opening my mouth. Why complicate it?

I'm Compensating.

It's an old habit. Always go over the top, always shock them, be the most 'out there'

But why?

Before, I'm not sure why I did it.

I know why I do it now though.

It's easier than saying the things I really want to say.

I like to keep things upbeat and happy.

The things I want to talk about aren't.

I don't like complainers and I feel that some of the things I'd talk about would come off that way.

Others are difficult to understand.

The things that I would love to tell my friends:

I miss you. I tell a couple of you this, but I'm not sure how much it helps.

I'm lonely.

I'm grieving the death of my father. I know you don't understand and probably have no idea what to say to this. In this case the wrong things usually come out. I don't want to deal with those things. I've heard them all and it's a tough enough situation as it is without you saying the wrong thing. If/when you do, it only makes me angry. I know you have good intentions, but it's hard to overlook when dealing with this kind of pain, it's frustrating.

The state of my family since the death. No, life isn't alway fun and pretty. I know this, but I'd rather act to the contrary when with friends. I don't want to be debbie downer. Plus, I have no idea if you even want to hear about it or help me with this.



I have no idea where I'm going career wise. It's a tough subject usually written off with, 'I don't define myself by what I do for money. It's just what I do to pay for the things I really want to do.' But what are those things? Again, no idea.

My personal issues. When I'm having stupid girly moments and want to bitch about how I think I've gained weight since I stopped working my regular part time hours or how I"m stressed about money since I didn't plan on my home owner's insurance or warranty coming due...these are things that I'd like to talk about but I always hold back. Money is a sensitive subject.

Why? I don't want to be a burden? I'd like everyone to think that I'm just fine and life is grand?

That's probably part of it.

How long has it been since you've cried about dad dying?

Too long.

Just thinking about visiting his grave and placing flowers there for father's day gets me going. Maybe I'm depressed about it, I don't know for sure. Counseling is too expensive.

No more hand painted coffee cups, bad ties, packages of 6 pairs of socks or even phone calls.

I don't get to do that anymore.

Is this what you'd rather hear? Are you comfortable and ready to deal with this?

I'm not sure I am.

Where do we go from here?