Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Happy Halloween, Bitches!

Here are some crappy cell pics, better ones later since I forgot my frickin' camera AGAIN.

wtf pi.

Halloween Pi 1

My Oh-So-Fab Baby Pink Glitter Platforms!

Halloween Pi 3


Halloween Pi 2

Monday, October 30, 2006

Shiny Disco Ball!

What a weekend!

I went to possibly the best house party ever

Since I'm Special and friends with all the guys that live there, I was early to help setup etc (well sorta)

UM dressed in his loin cloth, just as he has for every costume party we go to. It's too fab not to wear!

Spider Webbing was put up in the basement.

Basement = low ceiling.

Not such a great idea in retrospect.

It got caught on ppls hair and costumes and was all over the place, it came down a few hours
into it...

The Dj showed up.

Fucking sweet.

DJ C, from the band Full Day Affair, drove up from St. Louis to spin.

He was awesome!

Funk, 80s, 90s, hip hop, house. We heard it all.

'Thank you for lettin me be myself again' played over 'Rythm Nation' = **AWESOME**.

I was running around in my rented vintage Minidress, big hair, big makeup, big hoop earrings, black tights (my ass woulda fallen out otherwise!) and Baby Pink Glitter Platforms.

I was super tall and I think that scared some guys.

Totally Fab.

So Fab, that I had free beer and got to hang out in the DJ booth all night.

I think the neatest costume I saw was Toad.

Yep. Toad, from Super Mariokart.

This guy had made a gokart out of cardboard and was wearing it around his waist, a blue vest, and mushroom cap, with 3 balloons from the battle mode.

I was the first one to scream 'TOAD!!'

I was surprised no one else knew what he was right away.

Yeah, I'm that cool. Mario Kart was a staple back in the day. (and would be now if i had a system..)

3 Kegs of Keystone Light (it was in a college town, give em a break!) and a tall pony of Boulevard PaleAle later...

It turned into a mini-rave.

About 5 am-ish, cuz i'm not positive what time it was, a few of us took off to a drug den.

I watched a dog smoke pot all on his own.

He walked over to the bong, grabbed a tube in his mouth and smoked away.


How long did it take you to train him to do that?!

I didn't train him, he did it all on his own!

Fucked up.

My jaw hurts. My fingers hurt from biting them. My feet hurt from those platforms. My back hurts from various things. My shoulders burn. Some guy fell in love with me. The lights were pretty. I have what looks like a hickey near the base of my neck, but it's really a scrape. I have no idea where it came from.

Know what I'm talking about when I say I didn't sleep? I left around 9am...

Ended up at the ex's place cuz I knew I was coming down and could trust him to take care of me.

I felt like ass until about 5pm.
Food was unappetizing until 6:30. I prolly slept 5 hours between Saturday morning and 2pm Sunday.

I managed to forget my camera!

Amazing, I know. I usually take it everywhere.

No pics of me in my costume. But I will be doing a watered down version for work.

I missed a photo-op with The Buger King Guy (creepy) and a midget!

Damnit Spicy!

What a great time. Not to be done every week or two weeks or even every month, but it was awesome.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

honesty buzzed

so i just got home from my second job at the bowling alley, yes my shift really ended around 10, but i decided to hang around and talk to some of the league bowlers and have some drinks.

ok more than buzzed and typing isn't the easiest thing to do.

a little bit of honesty.

i'm unhappy with where i am.

i didn't know it until i had found something that i percieved as better aka vancouver

when i was walking around by myself downtown, it felt more like home than this place ever has.

i'm lonely. pi is a wonderful person, yet she doesn't have many friends.

where do you go to meet friends?! do you find them in places you like to hang out? i like bowling., so i work at a bowling alley.

guess what, most of those ppl i'd never associate myself with in real life. the ones that owrk there i mean, i'm not sure about the ppl i serve, cuz most of em are married, or have kids and both of those things rule ppl out for me.

i'm confused. what to do about the exbf. i knew it wasn't the best situation to get into. there was a reason things ended last year. but i'm lonely and an ex is better than nothing, but is it.

and now what. all you can do is plan to get out. it's easier said than done. i can't just drop it all and leave. i wish. stupid younger me, if i could go back. i would slap the shit out of college me and say WTF you don't NEED to take out 10k a year just to live on, think of your future damnit.

i didn't pay tuition for the 4 years i went to college, yet i have more than the average debt. i'm reatarded. and i was even more retarded, aka too proud to ask for more $$ than my mom was already giving and ran up my credit card instead.

pi, youwere a retard and you're paying for it now.

and it sucks cuz now i'm stuck here and i can't do a damn thing about it.

and am i finally falling out of love with the ex? part of me wants to and the other resists cuz i don't have a whole lot of other ppl to lean on...

this makes me sad. why haven't i tried harder. wouldn't a single gal in a local bar make you think bad things, who is she waiting for? why is she alone? what's wrong with her.

that whole thinking is retarded i know, even in this statem but what to do about it....

i'm not happy, so what am i going to do about it.

there. i've been honest for once. yeah it wasn't the usual yeah there aren't any pictures, yeah there's no punch line.

welcome to my life.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

The Cheese Hath Runneth Over

A few months ago, everyone here at my company and our parent bank was required to attend what they called 'A Treat'

This 'Treat' just so happened to be a Motivational Speaker.


(i just realized it's almost 9 and I haven't had my coffee yet....brb)

Getting coffee and what do I see....the pumpkin I carved the company logo into, soaking in the sink. (yeah i'm a DORK) Erf. now I have to take it back up front so all can see...and then take a count for this afternoon. I'm debuting my homemade-from-scratch Pumpkin Pie. I baked 3 of them last night. Everyone is calling me Martha Stewart! I hate that woman, she's so Uppity.

Maybe I'll do pumpkin spice cookies in Halloween shapes for next week.

Anyway, the Motivational Speaker was a pompous ass that was full of himself.

Scary CEO Man stalked around his bank asking employees what they remembered about the Speaker.

He was funny.

What about his message?



So to reinforce all the money they spent on the Speaker, it was decided we are to suffer MORE.

Good God, what now?

At the quarterly employee meeting, we were each handed a hard-back version of the Speaker's book, a pencil, and a 3x5 card.

After listening to the usual financials, budget, blahblahblahs of it all, we come to the book.

I want all of you to read this, we want to make sure you all understand his message. Now pull out those 3x5s....

First, write down the 5 most important things in your life right now.

  1. My Health
  2. My Family
  3. My Happiness
  4. My Friends
  5. My Job
That was easy enough.

Now, if every job paid only $2/hr, would you still be here?

Fuck no, would you?!

Most importantly, is your life about the Journey or the Destination?

And we come to the Speaker's 'message': You have to live your life for the Journey, not the Destination, otherwise you'll never be satisfied, because there's always another Destination, another station on the train of life (eegghhh I can't believe I just typed that)

If you don't love what you do, and it shows, please leave.

I wouldn't say I LOVE it, but it's doing me some good right now, and I don't HATE it.

We're going to break everyone in the enterprise into teams. Then we're going to give each team a topic from this book. At the next quarterly meeting, the team leaders are going to present their team's findings.


This is some stupid shit you hear about companies doing, but you don't expect it to happen to you.

Building Morale and a Positive Workplace er whatever...

Required Reading from Work?!

Enjoy the Ride! (fucking GAG me, PLEASE!!)

If that's the case, maybe I should go back to school.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

I rocked that pumpkin.

I carved my first pumpkin of the season last night!

Pumpkin No 1.0

Yeah, I totally rocked it.

Only took me 2 hours from first slice to lighting the candle.

2 more to do this week....and bake some pumpkin pie from scratch!

The seeds were soaked in butter, sugar, salt, cumin, and a dash of cayenne pepper, baked for a half hour :)

Sweet, salty, and a little kick!


I can totally be Susie-HomeMaker sometimes.
weird, huh?

Monday, October 23, 2006

At the Gay Bay, Gay Bar, Gay Bar!

Friday night, after slaving over a tray full of beer, serving drunk bowlers, my shift was finally up.

There was an extra beer on the bar. Allllll MINE.

Then Black Light bowling begins...lights down, black lights up, music on...and what comes on..

That HOTT New Justin Timberlake Song!!


It made me want to go to the Gay Bar.

Supa-FabLookin FabSo I made a phone call and all was set.

If you're a straight/bi female, you must look fabulous if you're going to a Gay Bar.

Otherwise you're just an ugly Lesbo.

Off to my apt to get FABULOUS.

I met one of my best friends there.

He is half black, half white, Jewish, bisexual, polyamorous, and knows everyone!

He is the Ultimate Minority (UM)

We took in the Drag Show with couple No 1 . . . and then didn't see them till the end of the night

There were drag queens running around...I HAD to have a picture!

Spicy Queen UM
I didn't even get 'her' name, but she looked FAB.

There was a stripper working that night, 'Jimmy' and he was walking the crowd between shows...

He saw me, stopped and came over to say 'hi'

I told UM Jimmy's SO not gay.

Turns out I was right, he was a Fake Fag. So I made sure to spank him as he wandered around in nothing but shoes and his jock strap...

He was embarassed!couple No 1

Lots of drinking, dancing, and gropings later, it was time to go...

Enter couple No 1.

We're having afterhours and you're invited!

Awesome. story is glasses man is rich. I was like, pshaw, whateva....::hand flourish::

So we went to check it out. The place didn't look like much from the outside...

But inside, WOW.

There were 3 or 4 bedrooms, a finished basement with a full bar, wine cellar, pool, hot tub, Delish!

After some drinks and establishing who was with whom and what everyone had done with each other, we decided it was Hot Tub Time.

Note: Spicy was the only Vag there.

Out come swimming trunks for all the guys ...is that what rich people do, they collect swimming trunks for instant hot tub fun?

Course, there weren't any bathing suits in there for me...sooo....

Well I have this really nice robe from the Ritz Carlton, you could wear that out to the hot tub...but um....yeah...

Skinny Dipping Time!

Ritz Carlton Robe
Gay Men are just as fascinated with boobies as straight men are, if not more.

They NEVER get to play with them.

After awhile, almost everyone was running around naked and drunk...

I hung out in the robe all night, it was comfy

Finally, everyone was kicked out around 5am...

I dropped UM and Travis off at their car...

They slept there in the parking lot, and drove home around 8am.

Crazy fags.

I love em.

Friday, October 20, 2006

I must be a TROLL

The President of the Company I work for sent me and 2 other singles in the office this:

Smoke and Fire

2006 Firemen's Auction

2nd Annual Young Variety Firemen's Auction

Thursday October 19th - doors open at 7PM

Young Variety presents the 2nd annual Firemen’s auction at Aura on October 19th Doors open @ 7PM, auction starts around 9PM. We're shaking this up this year! In addition to putting to Greater Des Moines finest firemen on the auction block, we’ll have the area’s finest female bartenders and waitresses on stage for bid. $5 at the door, and Aura is matching the take at the door, dollar for dollar! Drink specials that night include: $1.50 domestic beers, $2 imports, $2 u-call it and captains Where: Aura
2700 University Ave

West Des Moines, IA 50266 In case you are still reading and are confused about this event... we have a handful of fireman that we'll put on stage, one at a time. The highest bidder "wins" the fireman for a date. Same goes for each of our fine bartenders and cocktail waitresses. Each winning bidder walks away with a gift certificate for $50 at a local Des Moines restaurant in case you can't think of where to take your newfound love.

Apparently I'm so FUG I can't go out and find my own date.

I have to pay for one!

Gee, thanks.

Way to promote 'risky behavior'...

While I'm at it, maybe I'll stand on the corner and hitch up my skirt

jerk. and you prolly thought you were 'helping' or 'looking out for your co-workers'

Thursday, October 19, 2006

*Rick Update*

I received a text from Rick last night, that I didn't see until this morning:

Hey Steph, it's Rick. Whats up? Hope all is going well. Do you not want me to contact you?

Should I reply:

a) No.

b)Gee what made you think that?

c)Rick? Rick who?!

d)__________ (You fill in the blank!)

Remember, I haven't responded to any of his msgs...

A Business Lunch

One of the perks of Corporate-Whore America is the Business Lunch.

You get to devote more than your allotted one-hour for lunch with people you've already worked with all morning

Including a few that are in from out of town, the ones you've maybe never met and have only talked to on conference calls...

Or there are people there whose ass needs a little kissing, for those I generally keep my mouth shut, smile and nod.

Sounds like a dream come true, eh?

Even if it's all the same shit in a different place, at least the food is free

(And it's not like we're going to Taco Bell)

Today was one of those days.

Impromptu Business Lunch...

8 People: 4 Men, 4 Women

Business Lunch for this group is usually pretty entertaining...like the last time

We ended up at Los Cabos, a mexican joint (it met my high mexi-fications, HA i'm so clever!)

At first I didn't notice that we did this, but it was men on one side, women on the other.

The average age at the table was 41 not including me...

Conversation to my right, at The Man Table was all about business and investment strategies and what are we doing about renewable fuels etcetc

At The Lady Table, conversation turned to babies.

Aren't we getting a little old for the Man/Woman separation thing?

Spicy, caught in the middle. Young, single, childless, on a mental break from work...

I should have gotten my oil changed.

At least I'd have the satisfaction of being checked out by a few grease-monkeys.

oh well. at least the food was good.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Meet Rick from United

The most amusing part of travelling is the people at the airport.

Spicy was supposed to fly to Vancouver by way of Denver. Well that flight was cancelled as I was standing in line to check in.

One of those nifty-difty travel sites that I used to book it called me and told me so. And now I'm supposed to go to O'Hare and then Vancouver.

But it's snowing in Chicago. Flights are being cancelled and delayed left and right. By the time I get to the front to check in, there's a line a quarter mile long behind me and I'm on stand-by.

So I asked the lady to send me through Dallas/Ft. Worth or Pheonix.

How'd I know to ask for it?

Cuz i'm Spicy.

She put me on a flight on a different airline to Pheonix.

I had a 4 hour layover. SUCK.

Pheonix is in the desert. (duh) The first thing I noticed is the unnatural way they planted the trees.

All in perfect rows, perfect grids of trees.

If they aren't native to the area, wouldn't you try harder to make it look like they belong there instead of making the area look like a tree farm?

OK, 4 hour layover, let's make the best of it.

Enter: FOX Sports Bar in Concourse B

I have no qualms about eating alone. There were TVs to watch. (I finished my book on the plane)

Not long after I had finished dinner, a guy sat down at a table on the other side of the counter from me.

He kept looking at me.

I noticed. I'm not an idiot.

Finally he started talking to me.

So I think wtf, go over to his table, sit down, start chatting.

I'm Rick, I work for United. I'm the guy on the runway with the orange sticks. I'm flying for free to Milwaukee.

He's 33.

(whenever I meet 33 yos, things go down the toilet.)

Have you seen Fight Club? (of course I have, I'm not a troll, and it's one of my favorites)

I subscribe to the Single-Serving Friend Philosophy.

(refresher for trolls:
Everywhere I travel; tiny life. Single-serving sugar, single-serving cream, single pad of butter, the microwave cordon bleu hobby kit. Shampoo-conditioner combos, sample packets of mouthwash, tiny bars of soap. The people I meet on each flight; they are single-serving friends. Between take-off and landing we have our time together, that’s all we get.)
Wow, I'm impressed. yeah, right.

When I saw you, I kinda got this vibe, like there might be something there.

You mean the vibe that happens in your pants when you see a pretty lady sitting by herself? Maybe I should have sat at the bar...

Then he wanted to know about my life. So I told him this story. I hoped it'd make him back off a little. ::sigh:: silly girl...

He goes on to express his opinion about me wasting my time blahblahbalhblhablah

So why are you going to Vancouver, what's there?

So I told him.

Well, if things don't work out there, you can give me a call and I'll see what I can do to get you on a flight back here to Pheonix and we can hang out.


I'll be honest, I'm 33 and I'm not getting any younger, I'd like to see you again.

By this time I'm about to smash my tall beer glass, threaten him with it, and then slit my throat when he doesn't leave. At some point, between the beers and shot of tequila, he got my number.Rick the United Guy

Way to go, Pi.

The whole thing was amusing, so I made sure I got a picture.

He finally left to get on his plane, sending me a txt msg right before he took off:

Great to meet you and really hope to talk to you again.

Um, thanks.

About 4 hours later, I got another msg:

I made it to Milwaukee. Have fun in YVR, and have a beer on my five bucks. Hehe. Expect a drunk text or two from me. Feel free to do the same.

Monday night,
another text:

So how's Single Serving Steph?

Pretty sure you just violated your philosophy.

And, yesterday:

Hey. When are you coming back down towards the phoenix area?

Never, Rick. Never!

Just my luck. Always get the creepy/clingy ones.

I should stop being so nice and tell them to fuck off.

holishit that picture creeps me out!

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Best Trip Ever!

Since there are already tons of pictures from this weekend from Smelly, Patz, and Ciavarro, here are some more!

chad & sis
Chad and his sister!

Sexy Bitches
Two Blues and A Brown

These two were constantly rockin out!

Tongue It
Nice Tongue!

Some Beers at the Blarney Stone!

Spicy n Smelly
We are sexy bitches.

Nice Shirt!
Bloggers being bloggers...

I really like boobies.

Chad & Neil
Partners in Crime.

We be Drinkin at the Blarney

So Intimidating
He's so Jolly

Ice Ice Baby
Tossed Salad busted out their rendition of Vanilla Ice, Ice Ice Baby...

Smelly on the drums, Ciavarro on the beat box, and Patz on the white boy head bobbin, it was fucking awesome...

90s Music Rocks
'Oh shit, we're getting looks...'

I bite my lip cuz it's HOT
He's not even drunk yet!

Truffles are Manly
He drank 2 beers, raved about braised pears, and then got a hard on for Truffles. Patz MAN.

ALllllll MAN.

Look, no hands!
And this pic proves it!

Too Cool
Looking out into the great yonder


Gastown from Chill Winston

Chill Winston
I can see myself hanging out here.

Beers and The Believer
Beer in a Glass is fucking classy.

Doolins Irish Pub
Round 1!

Look Pretty!


Classic Ciavarro.

Smell my finger
Smell my finger!

He wants it
He wants it.

Table Dancing at The Royal

Doolins in Sepia

Ciavarro and Spicy

Spicy and Patz

His team's losing...

All these pics and more are in my flickr!

Spicy in Vancouver! I had a fabulous time in Vancouver, and I'm definitely going back! Thanks to Smelly Danielly, Patz, and esp Ciavarro for putting me up and showing me a great time =D

Who knows, maybe i'll move there.

I'm thinking about it.