Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Sunday, September 16, 2007, approximately 7:30pm

I'm doing my nails, watching the Patriots game...

My phone rings.

It's my brother.


It's either really good or really bad, he never calls 'just to talk'

I answer and immediately know something is wrong...

My brother is hysterical.

I just talked to Chris, (stepmom) she's at the hospital, it's dad, it doesn't look good, they said to prepare ourselves for the worst...

Ohmygod, what happened?!

I think it was a heart attack. I'll call you when I hear more...

Where are you?

I'm on my way home.

Chicago? Or your place?

My place.

OK, calm down, I'm going to leave as soon as I can, ok, just hold on...

I'm nervous, shaking, trying to wrap my head around what my brother just said.

I can't remember where my weekend bag is...

I call JMax and leave a frantic message, My dad had a heart attack, I'm leaving as soon as I can, I need to look after my cats.

I call my mom....no answer.

I'm running around my place, head spinning, I can't focus.

My phone rings

It's my brother again...

He's sobbing

Steph...Dad passed away.

I sat down and cried and told him I'd be home as soon as possible.

I threw a couple of things into a bag, hesitated as I reached for black clothing.

Trying to keep it together.

On my way out, I decide to call more people to see if I can drop off a spare key to someone that lives closer than JMax (he's 40 miles away)

Not one person answers.

Not even my creepy older upstairs neighbor.

Frustrated, I get in the car and head to the gas station, it's about 8:30

I'm still shaking.

My brother calls again.

He's a little more under control...

Don't come tonight, there's nothing we can do, it's not safe, just leave tomorrow.

No no, I've already left, I'm coming tonight.

I only received two return phone calls.

I told them the news and that I couldn't talk, I need to focus on driving.

That was the longest the drive has ever felt, even though I did it in record time

4 and a half hours, one bathroom break, one full tank of gas.

I had a lot of time to think....

About the things that I'll never be able to do with my dad.

Walk me down the aisle at my wedding.

Bounce his grandchildren on his knee.

Push it away.

You need to make it home in one piece.

I arrive at my mother's house at 1am.

The doors are locked, even the screen door in the back.

I ring the doorbell repeatedly and pound on the door.

She finally answers.

Mom.....dad died, I sob into her shoulder...

What?! Oh my god...

She's really out of it.

She took a sleeping pill and went to bed early.

My brother arrives about an hour later from Champaign.

More later...

Friday, September 14, 2007

It's Tailgate Time!

It's that time again in Iowa...

The Big Game.

The University of Iowa Hawkeyes, a Big Ten school, take on the Iowa State University Cyclones, a Big Twelve school.

The Hawkeyes have dominated the series over the years, 36-18

Winner receives the CyHawk Trophy

Since I've lived here in Iowa, the Cyclones have dominated.

I'll admit, I've never been to a game!

(And I won't be going to this one considering ticket prices are outrageous at $90!)

I was too busy getting drunk in the parking lot and tailgating fields across the street from the stadium

Sure, a touchdown is a great excuse to shotgun a beer, but, in my opinion, so is the sighting of a great ass!

The game is at 12:30 pm

Which means people will be up and ready at 6am


Being an Iowa State alumni, I feel a bit obligated to support them....even if we did lose our first two games...

And the last one was absolutely embarrassing...

It's not about the score, it's about the experience!

(which is exactly what people say when they think their team is going to get an ass-whopping...)

Go Clones!!

Tailgating pics posted next week!

(Yes!! My camera is finally ready - someone dropped it and it sorta...broke.)

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

I'm Hopped Up On Drugs

After the 'usual' weekend - drinking and partying till the wee hours of the morning, laying on the couch recovering and a bit of shopping - I make it out unscathed.

Not this time.

Saturday I noticed that I was kinda itchy on my neck...

Figured I'd been bitten by
mosquitoes again.

Little Fuckers

After a while I went to put some hydrocortizone on it and saw that it was not a bug bite.


Saturday night I went to see Superbad.

Fucking Awesome.

I almost starting drawing penises on the agenda of my Monday Morning Meeting...

Went to this bar called Tonic in a part of town I usually have to be dragged to, and what did I find?

Exactly what I had expected.

Stuck up bitches and rich guys.

I belly up to the bar and meet David:

40 something, single, never married, no kids, real estate guy from Vegas in town visiting family, and his brother-in-law Steve

I was entertained and when bar-close came, they invited me and friend back to their hotel to kill a 12 pack and snack on nasty microwavable tid-bits...

I was blitzed out of my brains and a few parts of the night are fuzzy, but I woke up, fully clothed, shoes and everything, in David's bed.


My friend is gone.


I leave around 10, saying Sure, I'll meet you later to watch football...

Went home and passed out.

It was glorious.

Hung over like crazy.

And now my neck itches again.

But on the opposite side.

What the hell.

Famished, I decide to use the old guy for a free meal and a beer.

I'm so nice.

Yesterday I woke up and I was still itchy.

In yet another spot, my chest.

OK, doctor time.

Diagnosis: Allergic Reaction

What did you get into?

Geez, what am I, a dog?!

It's not like I was rolling around in the grass and trying out new lotions or perfumes or shampoos etcetc

Now I'm hopped up on drugs.

Steroids and something called Clarinex which dissolves on your tongue and tastes like gross children's vitamins.

The 'roids make me peppy.

Like a caffeine overdose without the short of breath and unpleasant feelings.

Yeah. I have a rash, and I KNEW you wanted to hear all about it!

Not the all-over really gross kind, a localized, very polite looking-rash, like it won't bite you if you come near it!

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

I've been busy having fun...

The Pis has been busy working and having a good time...

As you can see.

Nothing sums up a good time like some guy named Timmy's name and phone number on your left ass-cheek in permanent marker.

If you have a comparable image, do share!

I started that day with a car-bomb.

And ended it with a side-knot and leg warmers.

Yes, it was an afternoon at the bar, watching the Cubs game, and then an 80s party. (pics here)

No nap in-between.

That was a mistake!

I ended up on this party/lame rollercoaster...

Between bouts of binge drinking/slutty antics and vegging out on the couch alone watching Top Gun, I managed to have some fun at the party.

The outfits were golden.

The music appropriate.

And not much can beat Twister in short skirts and hitting on Beetlejuice.

Alas, no pics from me since my friend dropped my camera at the bar and broke it.

It's in the shop gettin fixed.


That's my accomplice.

I don't remember what happened without it!!

I did start working at the ol bowling alley again...

Here's a gem from a local perv:

Hey, c'mere...have you been working out this summer?


Cuz you look GOOD..mmm mm...ass all tight...

Alright, thanks, that's enough!

Ahhh. Good to know some things never change.

It's good to be back at the bowling alley.