Monday, March 24, 2008

New Addition

The Pi has been shopping for a car for a few months now...

Momma Pi introduced Indian Dealership Guy and he said he'd go to auction and find whatever I wanted.

That was 2.5 months ago.

I think I've waited long enough.

I'm a big girl and I can make my own decisions!

I appreciate the help, Mom, but I'm going to pass this time...

Behold, My New Baby:

She joined the family last Friday...

Mom doesn't know yet!

I'm going to tell her when I pull into her driveway on Friday.


She drives like a dream

A co-worker said to me last week: When you go from a car that's 10+ years old to a much newer car, it's like magic. Everything works and you don't worry about anything!

Holy shit was she right!

This thing has all kinds of neat little gadgets!

Now for some window tinting...

Mmm mmm what a sexy beast!

I'm going to have pictures taken with the car, any suggestions for outfits?

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

St. Patty's Day etc

St PatsSt. Patty's Day in Des Moines is something people get excited about.

There's a big parade and parties all over . . .

Pi doesn't particularly like parades.

I think they're kinda stupid actually.

So when good ol C-Dub asked me to join his party people IN the parade...

Hmmm, well, might as well give it a shot.

Their parade entry is the Official Des Moines Irish Drinking Team or something like that

They have shirts made for the occasion.

We started at the High Life Lounge around 8.30-9am...

Getting up early has never been so easy!

Unfortunately the weather was miserable....rainy and mid30s-ish

This really put a damper on the lining-up-for-the-parade part of the day...which lasted an hour!

During the parade, I sat in the back of a pick-up truck, tossing beads to children just whining for them...

Shit, you'd think they were made out of gold or something.

They could care less about the candy!

Beads!! BEEAADDSS!!!

It was like that scene in Indiana Jones, Temple of Doom, when all the kids are holding up their shackled wrists yelling Me! Me!

::Shudder:: Creepy.

As soon as the parade was over, I booked to the nearest pants were soaking wet.


Big party at the Embassy Suites...too bad everyone smelled like wet dogs!

Blah. So the rest of the day is only so-so...and pictures can speak for themselves...

Green Goat

Seriously, who gets waxed like this?!

Shamrock Chest hair!

More on the flickr page, as usual!

Friday, March 07, 2008

The Anti-Pi Lunchbreak

Yesterday I had a plan for lunch

I was going to be productive

Pick up food, get oil changed, go to post office

Simple, right?

But not easy.

I went to Bruegger's Bagels for their awesome-delicious Thai Peanut Chicken sammich

Then off to the oil change place

They gave me one of the key chain punch card things awhile back and after 5 oil changes the 6th one is free!

I was excited cuz I was finally there!

I was ready for my free oil change.

The pimply worker came out and asked if I just wanted my oil changed, Yes, that's it.

I head inside with my book and sammich and get comfy

Have you been here before? I can't find your car in the system...

Yes, this will be my sixth time.

Still couldn't find it so I dictated all my info again...

Back to the sammich...

No Thai peanut sauce!!

That absolutely makes the sandwich.

Without it, it's just an expensive chicken sandwich on a 'softwich'


There's a hick in the waiting room.

He decides it's a great time to make friends.

Blahblahblah he says....and manages to mention that he has a Mercedes


I'm looking around at the place and see a sign:

Notice: this establishment went through an ownership change, effective September 1, 2007. As a result we will no longer be accepting punch cards.



ok, fine, this is the last oil change I will ever have to pay for, as I'm selling the old girl to a friend....hopefully within a month!

I finish my sammich, and start in on my book...

Pimply guy comes back in...Um, we don't make the filter size your car needs.

I've never had this problem before...

Um, I'll be right back...

About 5 minutes pass

Yokel is still babbling...his name is Dallas, how nice.

Well, good news! I convinced my manager not to charge you for the oil change since we can't change the filter.

So, you're putting new oil in anyway?


Huh. Ok.

Finally I make it out of there with new oil and my old filter.

Off to the post office.

Now, the post office isn't a place I ever visit.

I haven't had a reason to go since I moved....

The address is in a suburb that is just crazy with it's streets and numbering.

I figure it's off of One Big Street and head out...

I find The Street It's On +1 so I turn there....and can't find it....ok, this is looping around..and now it looks familiar...and now I'm on The Street It's On -4

Hm. Drive that loop again just to be sure.



Ok, it's been about an hour, I should get back to the office....

I'm on Another Big Street, in the right turn lane....WAIT

Maybe it's off of This Big Street and not That One.

So I turn and decide to turn around in the gas station...

And I see My New Car.


The jealousy and rage bubble up...PATIENCE I remind myself.

I finally find the Post Office.

Why am I here?

I got one of those cards in my mailbox saying there was a Certified Letter that required a signature....

Great. Those are never good news.

I put it off for about a week.

So now, I'm here, at the post office

I hand it to the guy behind the counter...he looks at it, finds the letter...

You're an authorized picker-upper of Mr. Sheets?


This is addressed to Mr. this your address?

No, I live next door.

Oh, well looks like the carrier messed up, sorry about that.

The card was placed in my mailbox in error.

Mother Fucker!

I was beyond frustrated when I returned to the office and then snapped at a couple of people....

Now the whole thing is a tad amusing

But just a TAD

Monday, March 03, 2008

Party Bus Extravaganza

Warning: this is a recap of the partying from the weekend!

Friday began with a drive up to Clarion, Iowa.

? ?

Yeah, I know, I wasn't sure where it was either.

102 miles from home....

But we had good reason - A Birthday Party Bus!

A Small Town Pub Crawl

Wait, but how many bars could there be in a small town?

And why the Party Bus?

Well, since all small towns only have one bar worth going to, we hit 4 (i think) small towns!

It was a nice break from the, uh, Big City Nightlife of Des Moines.

And oh boy, did I find it.

Like the first bar...serving beer only! No liquor.

And this:

Nice Fist

On our way to the second bar, we encountered a railroad crossing....

With a stopped train.

Partiers became desperate...

They had to pee.

So, off they went, boys and girls alike...

Men Wizzin

I decided to wait...

Good thing, too, since we were pulled over on our way out of town!

It was good cop/bad cop, up first, bad cop:


Good Cop:

Okay guys, we're not going to issue any citations. Public Urination is a $500 dollar fine in this county and there was a minivan with children in it behind you at that railroad crossing. Now be safe tonight and watch yourselves.

All I could think about was how I love a man in uniform and if they had handcuffs with pink padding on them....

I wasn't alone, one chick said she was waiting for the cop to start stripping!

Hah, would have been neat since there was a stripper pole on the bus...

A humpy kind of fun was had on the pole a bit later in the night...needed to grease ourselves up with some cheap beer first....

Pole Fun

And then there was the birthday cake:Cake Time!

We all returned to her house, where guitar hero was the main event and we proceeded to drink every bit of vodka we could find.....and then passed out....everywhere

I shared her children's bedroom with 6 other of them snored. (not me)

I woke up on fire cuz someone turned the thermostat up to 79....

Birthday Girl made us all breakfast while we watched the

Real Housewives of Orange County marathon, incidentally, not all of them are housewives...or even married!

Whatever, it was good drivel to make fun of when you're hurtin.

Saturday, after a long-ass drive home, I laid around on my couch....all day.

About 9.30ish, I get a text....bachelor party! heading to a bar right now...

Alright, why not?

So it was me and 26 guys.

The older ones, like the father of the bride and I think her older brother or uncle or something were very interested in talking to me....

Did you know we're going to the strip club later?

Well, it IS a bachelor party...

You're going with us?!
(all creepy giddy-like)

Hell yeah I am! I prolly like titties more than you do!

I made some new best friends that night.

When we got there, the father of the bride escorted me to sniffer's row and started throwing dollar bills in front of me...and asking all kinds of get-to-know-ya-BS


After that whole thing was over - and we went to the skankiest titty bar in town - I was recruited to drive the troopers to the 'nicer' strip club.

I was about the only sober one at this point....

It was much better.

Home to the glitter pussy.

It shines like a disco ball!!

About 4ish hunger gets the best of us...

The next morning I wake up and see this above me:


Now, I understand guys are 'thrifty' and like the whole minimalist thing when it comes to decorating....

But, Come On!

Curtain rods and curtains are not difficult to install...

Sooo the successful weekend ended with me telling the Kirby guy that rang my doorbell:

Spare me the sales pitch and just shampoo my carpet.

And he did.