Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Cartoon Lust

I love animation, cartoons or whatever you want to call them...

I'm sure I've written of the love I have for Batman

After school cartoons, Batman the Animated Series...

That square jaw and deep voice,

We've got a special thing going on, he and I...

But lately another hero of sorts has been occupying my time...

All the snow this winter (51 inches!!) has made me a tad reclusive.

And what do you do when you can't leave the house?

(Other than masturbate furiously, which only takes up a couple hours at best...)

You watch your DVDs over and over...and play video games.

During those 'activities' I have managed to fall in lust with the Swedish Murder Machine.

I give you Brock Samson:

This sexy hunk of animated flesh is voiced by none other than Patrick Warburton

Now, that isn't something I picked up on right away.

I was too busy enjoying the pop culture references and priceless moments to read the credits...

On the third or fourth time through the second season, he said something that just made something in my head >CLICK<

Man, that sounds SO familiar!

Yes, I watched both seasons of the Venture Brothers this past Saturday...12 hours straight.

I've got priorities.

If you haven't seen it, get your ass over to Cartoon Network's Adult Swim and soak it up!

A wiki page set up by fans...

Right, the credits roll...Brock Samson...Patrick Warburton.....

Why is that so familiar....

BAM it hit me....Holy shit! That's Puddy!

Mr. Scott's iPhone quickly verified it.

I have the hots for Puddy.

Er, his voice.

Mostly it's the fact that Brock runs around naked and kills people...

Why are you naked?

To prey on their fear. Move like and animal to feel the kill


I'm obsessed.

It's maddening.

Do check it out!!

Is my nerd hanging out yet?

Friday, February 22, 2008

On Bowlers, Dating...

So, getting back to the topic of Dating....

I have this 'issue'

Not even sure if it qualifies as an issue, maybe it's just a bad habit

Where the fuck did it come from?

Some buried childhood shit or bad relationship experiences?

I might have to sit back and actually think about that!

Anyway the bad habit/issue is Aggression.

Not violence related aggression, mind you, but aggression in the sense that I'm the pursuer

And not just the pursuer, I always seem to do more than my 'fair share' of pursuing....

Egh, basically, I try too hard.

There, I said it, I'll admit it!

I try too hard.

I've even been told this by people I've dated.

It's been an annoying habit of mine for years...

Maybe it has something to do with vying for attention from my dad when my brother and I were kids...

Or maybe that's crap.

Who knows where it comes from?!

Thing is, I KNOW I do it and yet have problems stopping myself!

Do I have attachment issues? Am I insecure?

I used to, and I was.

But this behavior hasn't disappeared with those issues...

I'm a bit of a junkie...

I thrive on the chase, and try to keep that going

The excitement of it....

Why can't you sit back and be pursued?!

If I did that, I'd only receive offers from people I'm not interested in...

Like (most) bowlers I wait on, the overly aggressive dirty older guys, or the dorky socially awkward guy that feels he has nothing to lose so why not go talk to her?

I find someone/something I'm interested in, and I go after him/her/it...

The more interested I am, the more aggressive I tend to be

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't....other times, one, then the other.

When it works, I still can't seem to cool it down.

I've scared off more than a few decent guys with it too.

Right now I find myself doing it yet AGAIN, but with a twist:

I've also had the tables turned on me!

Too aggressively pursuing one and being aggressively pursued by another (or two)

I'm taking a step back and trying to chill the fuck out.

There are a couple of bowlers that flirt and ask me out and just won't give up.

One I have flatly told 'no'

Another is a dirty thirty something that treats me disrespectfully

The third one, is a little sneaky...

He's nice, a little quiet, and his occupation could be of use to me

(He lays hardwood floors)

So I've been nice to him, chatting after my shift over a beer at the alley

I thought I'd be able to do new floors sooner, so I gave him my number, thinking he could help me out with the type of wood/color blahblahblah

And then the late night text messages started.

Great, wtf did I get myself into.

Then the requests to 'grab a drink sometime.'

Finally, I said, Ok fine, I'll have a drink with you.

He's not my type by a long shot, but I'll humor him (is that wrong, tell me?!)


Fuck if I know. I'm tired of him asking...(wait, that's not a good reason!)

Wednesday we were supposed to have a drink at happy hour...

Then I get a text:

I couldn't talk you into a movie at your place and ordering in supper by any chance could I? I think I'm getting an ear infection but I still really want to do something with you.

Since I was away from my desk I didn't see it....then, 10 minutes later:

If you don't want to or don't feel comfortable doing that don't worry. I just don't feel up to actually going out. You just have to promise to reschedule.

Oh geez.

Then last night he wants to know if we can reschedule for Today. Friday.

Since when does 'grab a drink sometime' turn into dinner again?!

(Recall this strategy from a month ago - the Musician...)

Huh. (I haven't replied)

So this is what it feels like?

I'm turned off by my own medicine.

Ain't that some shit...

Time to do some self-eval and then kick my own ass.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Quarter Century + 1 Pi

Today is the Pi's Birthday!

I'm excited...yet not.

I'm usually the one to go way over the top for everything....

Not particularly in the mood for it this time!

I think it has something to do with the fact that my dad isn't around...

And it's too god damn cold outside.

Good Wednesday morning to's two below in the metro...

GREAT way to wake up.

At least we're going to lunch at a nice place with food so heavy that I'll be in a nice coma for the afternoon :)

And presents!

Mother sent my presents here and they've been sitting on my desk since Monday!

And I have a mystery bag from a coworker...

I'm going to wait till lunch, gah!

Where are my birthday spankings?!

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Hot Sex to the Third Degree

Since this post is decidedly un-sexy, I had to use a sexy title...

Last night, after pouring over the Rolling Stone cover article over dinner I got to thinking.

Britney, you bitch, you're just having fun with everyone.

Then instead of reading the entire magazine and doing fuck-all on a Monday night I decided to be Productive

So at 6:30 ish I decide to re-arrange my living room!

It's been 6 months since I moved in...time for a change

First up: Move my two bookcases into the other room.

Note: I have LOTS of books.

After I finish that, the room already looks bigger.


OK, time to move the TV and stuff.

I have an extra coffee table from IKEA that was small enough to be used in my dorm room about 7 years ago...I kept it for whatever reason

It's about the same height as the TV stand...

Being the Stubborn Independent Woman that I am, I figured:
I can do this, I've done it before!

So I unhook the TV and slide er onto the old coffee table.

Next, drag the stands with all the dvds and electronic stuff and speakers over to the new location

Turn on stereo.

OK, now the moving of the TV.

In hindsight, I should have moved the shag area rug first....

So I'm dragging the table across the floor, with the TV on top of it...

Then I notice that the legs on one side are starting to lean

And then crack


Slowly....slowly moving the table with the TV...

I get it almost to where I can move it on top of the stand.
Bruised tootsie
And then the table breaks.

Falls on my already bruised right foot,

I stub my toe on the sharp end of a screw sticking out of the leg...

And the TV slides into my left leg.

God Damnit.

After struggling with it a bit more, I resign to leave it where it is.

I get the broken table out of the way and move the rest of my things around, vacuum blahblahblah

After a bit I notice my leg is kinda sore.TV on the floor

It's tender and a couple of bumps are forming where the TV crashed into me.

As you can see from the picture, the TV is not a light beast.

(I slaved away as a hostess at Perkins for a month to pay for it 5 years ago...)

It's a 32" Toshiba tube.


I call my upstairs answer, I leave this rambling message, call another answer again.

Screw it.
my Ouchie
Curious, I roll up my pant leg...

Holy Shit!

I bruised the fuck out of my leg.

Surprisingly it didn't hurt that much.

I have a high tolerance for pain.

Then I watched the news on the floor.

I totally kicked my own ass.

The worst part?

It's hard to cross my legs the way I prefer.

The best?

Showing off my sweet bruise and grossing people out.

Friday, February 08, 2008

The Spice Grows Impatient

The car search ended a few weeks ago.

I made up my mind.


I went out and test-drove 2 cars.

Yes, two.

My favorite two....

I did sit in the other potentials on the list, stroke them a bit, see if I liked their style.

I did not.

So first, I test drove an Infiniti G35x

A brand new one!

No, I'm not going to buy a brand new car.

That's retarded since I don't have THAT kind of cash...

It was pretty neat, I walked into the dealership, was immediately helped, said I was looking at that car...and off we were to the demo...

Fancy back up camera and everything...all kinds of neat little features

The sales guy blabbed the whole time, so I couldn't really have a good time.

In the end, I think it hurt the car's chances.

It felt nice, bigger than my current Infiniti...

I told him I wasn't finished looking yet, that I still had to go to another dealership that day...

Just so happens his cousin works there!


So I left with a name...

I arrive at the Lexus dealership, excited.

I take a look at the model in the showroom, sit in it....

And fall in love!

Would you like to test drive one?


Ok, I'll need to make a copy of your license, you can wait here and look a the color slides for the interior and exterior...


So I play around and decide I like the red one with the beige interior....

Ok, here's the fob, it's the dark grey metallic car right there (points), have fun!


How long do I have?

Typically people are gone for 15 to 20 minutes...


I grab a CD from my car, and take off in the brand new Lexus.

Holy Sexy.

After running her around the highway and some curv
es, and speeding the whole time, I return.

I'm totally sold.

That's the car I want.

Course, I'm going for the used one...

A 2006 Lexus IS 250 AWD

Now, it's only a matter of time before it shows up at auction.

(We have a hook-up in Chicago...MUCH cheaper than buying from a dealer here...)

Anyway, I'm going to sell my old car to my friend whose truck died several weeks ago...

So what happens?

The fan dies.

Not that it was working perfectly in the first place, far from it, but now it doesn't work AT ALL.

Which means no heat.

No defroster.

God damnit.

So I decide to have it looked it, see how much it'd be to fix it...

The fan motor's all burnt out, that'll be about a hundred bucks...


Ok, let's do it.

1.5 hours later...

Hi, uh, the fan switch assembly is also burnt out...

And how much is that going to be?

It's a $3.87 part, but we'll have to order it.

When will it come in?

Looks like Tuesday...

Ok, can I pick my car up today?


I pick it up and what do you know, the whole section of the dash where the temperature controls reside has been ripped out.

I have a gaping hole with wires coming out of it and the temperature thing is sitting on my front seat.


No heat for a few more days.


Now... the Lexus...go for a black one since that's all that's been showing up for a couple months....or hold out for the Red one?

Or I could get a brand new Kia minivan and get a car for free with my down payment money and call it good....


Yeah, right.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

The Traveling Vacuum

January 23rd, I'm looking at reviews of vacuums on the interweb at work...

Yeah, yeah I'm busy.

I looked at Hoover, Bissell, Dyson, Euro-Pro, LG, Dirt Devil, etc.etc.

Mom has a Dyson Animal...

I used it when I was home over Christmas, it worked well and damn was it on the heavy side...

After reading reviews I was curious about pricing...

Dyson Animal: $600 new

Holy buckets.

I found it around $425 somewhere...I think.

I know...eBay!


Look! One's ending in 20 minutes and it's at $215

! ! much do I want to spend on this thing...

Slightly used, in pristine condition, with attachments, one year warranty from the seller....


Most people's impulse buys are a candy bar, a piece of clothing, maybe a pair of shoes...not a frickin' vacuum!

hmmm so I wait till the 3 minute marker and toss in my bid: $255

Holy Shit did you just bid TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY-FIVE DOLLARS on a VACUUM?!

::Breathe Out::

Yes, I did....

For the next 3 minutes I constantly refreshed the page...

Just waiting for someone's auto-bid thing to go off...

Flashes of getting text alerts at home while bidding on Arcadia purses came back to me...

And the 5 purses I've lost by ONE FUCKING DOLLAR, cuz I didn't have internet at home and was too cheap to get the text alerts...

Not this time.

The auction ended without any surprises.

I won!

Er, I won the right to pay $255 plus shipping for a Vacuum.


I totally geeked!

The next day I received an email saying they would ship it via UPS the next day and I would receive a tracking number.

. . .

That didn't happen.

The next week, last week, I sent them an email asking about it...

I received shipping information for a vacuum exactly like mine, except my name wasn't on the shipping info and it was headed to California.

Ummmm, that's nice but that isn't me.

Oh, sorry, here's the correct shipping info, it was sent on January 25th and left on the porch as requested.

Ummmm, also not me!

Oh crap.

I bet someone was pissing themself...

The next day I received this:

A Thousand Appologies. I located the Dyson it is in California I AM SO SORRY i Called ups and it is going to be rerouted to you with the correct information. Again I am so sorry The Tracking number is xxxxxxxxxxxxx At this moment it does show the wrong name but is being correct as i type this email. The package is being rerouted to you at your work address
I don't know how i messed it up but i am getting it to you now :'(

I checked the tracking number...

My vacuum went from Florida to Los Angeles....

It was on the truck for delivery to some bitch that didn't win it when it was 'Intercepted'

Then it went to Chicago...

Then Davenport...

Then through 5 hours of shitty snowy interstate to arrive in Des Moines at 7 this morning.

(Did I mention we got about a foot of snow yesterday?!)

It was finally delivered this afternoon!!

It better work when I get it home...

Now, assuming it is in perfect working order, do I leave good feedback with a note about the shipping mix-up?

Or back feedback? Or good feedback w/o a note?

Damn. My vacuum gets around.