Tuesday, January 29, 2008

The Dating Game

Since I've been single, just over a month now, I've been having a GREAT time!

It's back to....The Dating Game

A couple of weekends ago, I had one of those Fridays where Happy Hour turns into 2am...

Yeah, one of those.

Well, I finally made it to a bar downtown with my two short bald male friends (one single, one taken) about midnight

They were grabbing beers while I grabbed a table

Having successfully snagged one, I sat down.

They started to take too long, so I started chatting up a group of people standing near the table.

Couple of guys, couple of girls, no big deal.

Next thing I know one of the guys is asking for my number.

I thought he was kinda cute, he said he was a musician blahblahblah I figured WTF, why not?

So I gave him my number when he asked if I'd like to grab a drink sometime.

My friends return with beer and I join them, the guy going back to his table...

I was pretty drunk when all of this occurred...

A couple days later, on Sunday, I was at a sports bar watching the Packers game when I ran into a guy that works at one of the car dealerships where I test drove a car the weekend before

He was pretty nice, bought me a drink, a shot, made me laugh yaddayadda, can I call you?

Sure, you have my number.

He's single, he's 'well off', funny, WTF, right?

I was there with this chick I know and we completely took over this table of guys....

Hey guys, can we sit here?

Within a couple of hours the table was packed with people we knew and all the guys were standing around...teehee

One of the guys sorta caught my eye, a cutie, after hearing him go on and on about whatever I figured he was a jerk.

But he kept talking to me.

Even threw something in on the sly:

Blahblahblah you're horny aren't you?

What did you just say?

You heard me.

You just asked me if I'm horny......why, yes, I am.

Ok, gotta say, it was funny, random, and got my attention - and he was right...

After a little physical contact and more chatting, he seemed pretty interested and I was curious...

I'd like to hang out with you.

Wow. You get right to the point.

I don't like to play games...

So we exchanged numbers and he said he'd call me as he left.

Don't call him! says my chick friend.

I'm not planning on it.

The next day I received a call from the musician from Friday night.

Ah, yes, The 3-Day Approach.

So, uh, how bout that drink?

We compared schedules and settled on Friday.

Call or text me later this week and we'll figure out the details.

(He was a little odd on the phone)

Friday comes and I find myself working late.

Guh. On Friday.

He calls around 6:15...leaves a message about 'grabbing dinner later?'

Huh, is this a new approach? Say 'a drink' and mean 'dinner'?

I call him back and he proposes dinner at a Vietnamese restaurant that I'd heard of but hadn't visited yet....

Sure, what the hell.

I show up around 8:30, as agreed

As I walk in, I recognize him, and immediately think He's not as cute as I remember!

Damn beer.

He was a pretty nice guy, conversation was easy, I ordered god knows what from the menu, which was good, some kind of soup...

After dinner he suggests a few options and we decide on one of my favorite bars which had a Bluegrass band playing that night.

Ok, Bluegrass, not really my style but I can't say I've ever listened to it, time to try something new.

. . .

At least the beer was good.

And I got to make fun of a guy totally rockin out on a mandolin.

About midnight, I had decided that I wasn't interested in Musician for anything more than friends...

Oh yeah, I was flirting with the guy sitting next to me too....

Once he started to put his arm around me, in that 'protective fashion' y'know the lower back guiding hand...

That was it.

I'm really tired, I think I'm going to head home.

Which was true, I had been yawning...

We stood up and...

So would you like to do this again sometime?

Maybe just as friends, not sure about anything else. You're really good company, thanks for everything!

And I bolted.

Whoo. Classy.

A couple days later, on Sunday, I'd had enough of The Waiting Game with the Sports Bar Guy.

So I called him.

Before I did so, I got that nervous sensation, heart pounding...how exciting!

As soon as he answered, I was smooth as whipped butter.

The conversation was entertaining....

Emails were exchanged yesterday...

And now I have a lunch date tomorrow : )

Wow, this single stuff is fun!

Monday, January 14, 2008

As the Bowling Ball Turns: EXTREME Bowling

The continuing saga...

Bowling allies draw people from all walks of life.

Much like professional wrestling.

The white-trash-I-have-no-idea-what-a-mall-is to young upwardly mobile professionals

People of all ages etcetc you get the point

This creates an interesting social atmosphere on league nights

Last night I had the opportunity to chat with the girlfriend of one of the leaguers

At first, I had no idea that he was her boyfriend


Cuz he looks like her dad.

Then she went on this rant about how wonderful her three daughters are and they're so pretty and smart and the youngest is going to be a model and here I sit at a bowling alley, smoking a cigarette with my bad skin.



I think she's jealous of her own daughters.

Anyway, the dirty men were all in full form this week.

Tuesday night my dirtiest customer, Dale, had a guest.

His twin brother.

Whose nickname, Dirty Dawg, is tattooed on his arm.


He goes by 'Dawg' too...

Dale introduced us and Dawg couldn't get a word out

He was stunned by my beauty.

Later I found out he lived through a brain aneurysm...

He has problems with controlling half of his body.

At one point he came into the bar to ask me about my tattoos and grab a couple beers.

He had to show off his Dirty Dawg tat.

Then he took off his sweatshirt (and half of his t-shirt) to show me the Viking tattoo on his upper right arm.


Who fucking knows.

I had to yell at Dale to get his bro to put his clothes back on...

Constantly, I'll have leaguers say
I missed you

So good to see you, You look good tonight...

What does a girl say to these?

Oh, honey, I missed you to! Always a pleasure to see you, thank you...

Shit, that gets old quickly.

Then there's the dork that likes to flirt.

With those big brown eyes, when he looks at me it's like he's a little kid again.

Well I was going to come into the bar and deliver to you my raunchiest pick-up line but I was afraid you'd smack me!

You'd think I'd be offended or threatened by a raunchy line from you?


The night ended with me torturing myself with 3 games of bowling, which were pretty awful and very painful.

I need to practice more.


Y'know, like the X-games?

Like throwing a ball that's on fire or having a large vicious blood-thirsty animal released if you're taking too long...

How about Strip Bowling?

If you don't put up a mark, remove an article of clothing!


We'd need a private alley for that.

Or a waiver.

And standards.

I don't want to see 'normal' leaguers running around in nothing but socks and bowling shoes


But wouldn't that be fun?

Nude Bowling.


Thursday, January 03, 2008

Cock-us Night

Everyone has their Eye on Iowa

All for tonight.

I have a feeling tonight we'll see the largest turnout EVER

Does that mean I won't have to watch political commercials one after another nonstop?

Maybe just every other commercial?

Pretty Please...

I'm going to attempt to caucus tonight.

We'll see how I do.

Maybe I'll take pics.

OOoooo exciting.

A group of people in a church basement!

Maybe a little spa treatment would be a nice motivator...

Come Caucus! Free Manicures! Free Massages!

I'm not big on politics, never have been.

yeah, yeah I'll go ahead and take advantage of my right and freedom to have a say in how this country is run...

I bet you're a Democrat. You're young and full of hope, and don't know any better. Everyone's a Democrat when they're young. When you get older, like me, you become a Republican.

-The Office Know-It-All


Tonight, we make history.

Prediction: Huckabee, Obama