Monday, December 31, 2007

2007 Quickie Recap

I grew up a lot in 2007.

I started the year by breaking off a long term relationship for good.

I was unhappy after that.

So I turned to the chemical escape...

Then I decided to purchase a piece of real estate for myself.


Still not sure.

Maybe I needed to have a better reason to stay in Des Moines other than an ok job and a handful of friends.

I closed on my place in June, my dad came out for a couple of weekends in July to help me work on it.

Lots of hard grueling work.

But it's what I'm proudest of in 2007.

I started to fall in love. . . twice.

Or was it lust once and love once?


I made some great new friends

Took alot of pictures.

Became more important at work.

I buried my father.

Now I'm going to start 2008 with a clean slate.


A new car

Freedom from credit card debt

A raise, new job responsibilities

A different outlook on life?

Despite all of these things, I still feel a little lost.

Then again, who isn't?

Hope everyone has a safe and awesome New Year's Celebration

: )

Friday, December 28, 2007

She did what?!

The Pi will enter 2008 a single gal...

Yes, the co-worker thing wasn't working out for me.

I broke it off on the 27th...

It seems a rather sudden and hasty decision, doesn't it?

Because it was.

I went from asking someone to watch my kitties cuz we were going to his parents' place this I think I'm going to break up with him.

In 2 hours.

I started thinking about leaving asap after work on Friday to make the 3 hour drive to NW Iowa...and I became anxious.

I've been experiencing Anxiety Attacks for about 8 months, not sure why.

I had my longest and scariest attack the first time we drove up there.

Sitting here in my cubicle, freaking out about going up there to do his family Christmas, really got me thinking.

Why am I freaking out!?

I don't want to go. In fact, I'm dreading it.

That's not a good sign.

There have been lots of bad signs the last few weeks actually.

It all started two weeks ago with the trip to my grandmother's house in Southern Illinois.

A grueling 8.5 hour drive.

The last night we were there some shit happened that changed everything.

Privacy was not respected, as a result questions about a topic I said I'd never discuss were asked.

There are things in this world that once you say them, you can't unsay them.

No matter how much you didn't mean it, or how sorry you are.

It's been said.

The toothpaste is out of the tube.

He said one of those things.

I almost walked out and said Fuck This.

I knew he didn't mean it.

But that doesn't change the fact that it hurt deeply.

Somehow we patched things up.

After that everything changed.

He pointed out to me one day that my demeanor towards him wasn't the same as before.

Before that night in Southern Illinois.

I thought I had coped with that whole thing pretty well. I thought I was over it.

Guess not.

On the drive back I told him that I needed some space.

This is something that I had been putting off for a couple of weeks...shame on you Pi.

Not like, we need to take a break space, more like, I need time to myself and with friends space.

Y'know, the good kind of space.

I was feeling a bit smothered.

When I start to feel that way, usually I run.

It's too much.

This was not taken lightly.

His inexperience with relationships led him to believe that I was pushing him away.


Not the case.

People in a healthy relationship still have their own lives.

I felt like mine was slipping away.

He only moved here a few months ago and doesn't really have one...

The whole thing became really frustrating.

Think about your relationships in high school.

That's what this was like for me.

Dating someone without any foundation!

But you can mold him any way you want

Pfft. I don't have that kind of patience!

The other signs that started popping up in the last few weeks were that I didn't really miss him when I was in Chicago for 5 days.

Sure, I said I did, but sometimes you just go through the motions...

Hopefully one can realize when that's actually happening, that there's no actual feeling there.

I started thinking about dating other people...

Oh he's cute, wonder if we could have a drink sometime...

It's not the thought that bothered me, it's that I really wanted to ACT on it.

Then there are our differences.

He's rather conservative.

I'm not.

Thinking that maybe it's a good thing, maybe it will bring us closer together since there are so many different things to learn about each other...

I think there were differences that, in the long run, would only tear us apart.

It would have taken a large amount of work.

I'm not afraid of putting forth a large amount of effort to make a relationship work, but this time, I had to pass.

With nothing to build on...the time it would have taken...

Sometimes, I felt like he was trying to control me, not in a vindictive way, but it was there.

I felt like I couldn't be myself.

I can't say things about certain experiences I've had, it will upset him.

Fuck that.

I have a lot of shit going on in my life right now, I don't need this kind of stress.

The last sign, the one that put the nail in the coffin, is that once I decided to break up with him, I was relieved!

I felt like a huge weight had been lifted.

A relationship should not feel like a burden.

To me, ours did.

So I had to let it go.

I'll miss you, I will.

But not for long.

If I regret it, so be it.

I have a right to be wrong. My mistakes make me strong.

Time to start the New Year...

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

A Suspicious Adventure

It's not quite 'Officially' winter yet, but that didn't stop that huge ass storm last week.

Y'know the one that was all over the news for knocking out power in shitty states like Oklahoma.

Well, we had a wicked ice storm here in central Iowa.

So wicked, in fact that I took the day off.

Er, was FORCED to...

Y'see, I got up sorta on time, Pi-time anytime, and was heading out to my garage about a quarter after 8...

In my high heels, bad idea.

My garage is in a building of other garages, and it's on a hill.

(Meaning I have to walk up-hill...)

In high heels.

On ice.

So I make the perilous journey to my garage without falling...punch in my Secret Garage Door Code and...

It starts to open.

Then stops about 6 inches off the ground.

It closes.


So I bang on it a bit.

And I almost fall.

Time to change the shoes.

Did I mention the freezing rain that was falling at the time?

Right. It was freezing rain, ice cold, ravaging my hair

After the shoe change the trek to the garage was a piece of cake.

I brought a pair of scissors with me too.

To help get the ice off the door, der.

After much banging and scraping and whatnot I decide to assist the door on its way up

I push the code and quickly grab the handle and start to yank up on the damn thing.

Tried that several times...and it didn't help!!

So I give up and say to myself Oh, gosh darnit! I can't go to work today. What about calling someone to come pick you up?

Pfft. Like anything I have to do at work today is work someone risking their life to drive the 4 miles to pick me up!

I call in and tell them my garage door is frozen shut, so I won't be in!

Haha, suckers.

Well, this was a Tuesday so I had to work at Ye Olde Bowling Alley that night.

Tuesday is a great tip night.

Lots of dirty old men.

About 5 I decide to giver another try.

The first time I punch in the code the door goes up to about my waist!

I was soooo excited.

But, yeah, it stopped.

More punching of codes and helping the door along with a good yank on the handle...

It never gets as far up as my waist again, and it's making this noise like I'm breaking something.


It's open about 14 inches....

So I crawl underneath it to see wtf is going on.

There's a bar from a box in the middle of the door extending out to the side and it's lodged in a hole in the track...


Holy shit, it's locked.

I somehow managed to lock my garage door when I was yanking on handles that morning.

I try my mailbox key cuz it looks about the right size.

Insertion. No turning.

Crap, what if that key that I thought was an extra mail box key on the ring of extra keys I gave to my friend for cat sitting is actually the garage door key?!

Yeah it totally is.


Crawl back under the door.

At this point, it's dark outside and people are getting home from work.

Here I am crawling out from under my garage door, looking like I'm up to no good...

I examine the lock.

Can't figure out how to unlock it from the inside. The damn thing didn't have instructions, I pushed a lever around and nothing is happening...


Fucking DER.

I crawl back out and go inside to retrieve a pair of pliers.

Scoot back under the door, I'm all snowy and dirty now...

Remove the bar that is the lock.


I'm free!

And no one called the cops, not sure if I should be happy about that one or not.

Damn, I'm good.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Pi Hearts NFL

Since the weather has gone to shit, there isn't much to do in Iowa...

Except watch TV.

Which means watching sports and movies and the same shows over and over and over

Pi's never been all that interested in any sport to learn, retain, and recall information about the players and their stats etc

Soccer was a part of my life growing up, and we all know how exciting that is to watch on TV

Being from Chicago, there's always been an allegiance to Da Bears.

(And the Cubs since I'm a Northsider)

Recently the dudes in my life have exposed me to their world of sports obsession

First, baseball.

Now, football.

Side Note:

Pi's never been to a football game beyond high school.

Yes, I lived in a college town for 6.5 years and never made it into the stadium to watch my team!

I was too busy in the parking lot, DUH.

An opportunity to go to my first NFL game presented itself and was quickly squashed.

Now it's too cold to see any of the 'local' teams.

'Local' because I live in the barren wasteland that is Iowa.

We don't have professional teams, so the Bears, Chiefs, and Vikings are the closest, none of which are worth seeing this year!

(sorry Bears)

. . . . . end side note

The NFL is surprisingly appealing to me this year.

I've started to remember players' names and stuff!

New Boyfriend is a HUGE fan of the Cowboys

(I know, I'll never forgive him for it...)

And I have my lovable Bears, a crush on the Colts, and an interest in the Pats, and I guess I'll root for the Cowboys if they're not playing any of my teams.

Much time has been spent in bars, with beer and munchies in the last month!

Planning for Sunday and Monday is done around the NFL schedule.

Oh yes, this chick loves watching NFL games.

One thing I always notice is the Referee.

Of course, I have a favorite.

The black one!

There is only one, his name is Mike.


I dunno, I just like the guy.

Who has a favorite ref?!

I do.

That's Pi for ya.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Against the Mainstream

New Boyfriend has pointed out something interesting about me

Imagine that.

Pi? Interesting?


Anyway, the observation was that I am Anti-Mainstream

I've never looked at that way...

I just hate things that are BORING...VANILLA...BLAH

I don't go out of my way to be this way.

I just AM.

How? do you ask...

I don't put mayonnaise on my sammiches at home.

I use pesto.

I don't buy white bread or wheat bread or wonder bread everyday-run-of-the-mill bread.

I go to the bakery section.

Tomato soup?


Roasted Red Pepper and Tomato soup....then add rice and corn

My condo isn't decorated like anyone else's....

I don't listen to the radio, so I'm not into whatever is 'in' in that respect either

Have you seen my cubicle?!

I have very particular tastes.

It's my sub-conscience never-ending battle against the BORING

Cuz, really, is there anything worse than being boring?

That would be the ultimate hell for me.

Everything vanilla.

Perfect little wafers floating about...

Like living in that neighborhood from Edward Scissor Hands.

Or any suburb in America, where every house is a shade of beige, with a perfectly manicured lawn, a fluffy golden retriever, and 2.3 children.


Oh right, left out the SUV and Mercedes/BMW in the driveway.

Whatever is perceived as 'Normal' and 'mainstream'...I don't want any part of it!

Get out there and do shit your way.

Another thing, if, when I'm older, my Big Night Out is the night I have bowling league with my husband and neighbors, frickin SHOOT me!

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Shh, it's a SECRET

Shhhhhaha like I can keep a secret for very long...

I need to take another Half Naked Hush picture...

So the Pi isn't exactly single anymore....

And by 'isn't exactly' I mean I'm not.

I just have a hard time admitting stuff like that!

So now that it's out-of-the-bag it's time for part two...

I'm breaking my Rule.

My Rule that I said I'd never break.

The Rule that was instated for a Very Good Reason.

I will not date: coworkers, classmates, neighbors, or bowlers.

Repeat: I will NOT date coworkers, classmates, neighbors, or bowlers.

Hah, yeah, guess which one the new SO is......

He's a coworker.

I'm blowing that Rule out of the park....( pervs!)

I can justify this by saying he works on the complete opposite end of the building, in a department I almost never have contact with, and I never see him in a meeting, and might catch a glimpse in the hall...

Besides, he's a great guy!

I dunno, however people meet people....

Well, where do you spend a good chunk of your time?


Under the frightening glare of fluorescent lights, glued to a computer screen, tickling the keyboard, slurping down coffee and wasting away in meetings while drawing dicks on the agenda.

(unless you like your job, if you do, eat it.)

Where else are you going to meet people?

The bar?!

Pshaw. Been there, tried that, guess what, doesn't work.

Point is, I'm ridiculously happy and grossing myself out with the cheesey shit that's been spilling out of my head.

Why is he so great?
Holy Sexy
Example: last Wednesday he helped me make my pumpkin-pies-from-real-pumpkins-not-from-a-can and while I was busy mixing and whatnot he asked what to do with all the dishes:

I'll probably get to them on Saturday, I'm busy until then.

Oh, well, then I'll do them.

::shocked:: That wasn't my intention when I said that!

Don't worry about it, I want to.

I wonder if there are people out there that thinks this is a small thing....

Let me tell you, IT'S NOT.

That's HUGE.

Follow that up with digging all the holes for me to plant bulbs in over the weekend and DING DING DING, We have a Winner!

Damn, I'm lucky.

And so is he.

We're gross.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Car Lust

Staying positive about everything surrounding my father's sudden death has been difficult

To say the least.

So, here's my take on one small piece of it...

The life insurance money.

It's not like I'm going to be receiving a ridiculous amount of money and stop working and travel the world, picking up companions everywhere I go...
(How fun!)

And it's not going to make me feel any better about his death.

It will make my financial life a bit better.

I'm going to use some of it to become bad-debt free (ie credit cards!)

Something my dad was never able to achieve.

Then I'm going to save some, throw some at the condo...


FINALLY replace my old junky car.

My 1992 Infiniti G20, given to me by my mother and the source of endless problems and frustrated phone calls.

Like the time I was on my way to Midway airport (FROM IOWA), stopped for gas and the alternator crapped out on me (6 hours beginning at 1am!!)...and I had to call my dad about it cuz I hadn't told my mother I was taking a little trip....

And I was still an hour from the airport!

More recently, how I was forced to repair the leak in the brake line on MOVING DAY and incur the cost of a rental car...

And, of course, how could I forget the time it just doesn't feel like starting?!

Jiggle the shifter, sometimes that works.

If not, pop 'er into neutral and give it a try....she likes that one.

Even though she's a hunk o'junk, I still love her.

She's my first car.

Cheap to insure.

Never had a car payment.

Well, now it's time to change that.

A portion of the life policy will become a down payment on a beautiful machine like this:

Yeah, I'm fancy like that.

Can't you see the Pi in the nice Red Jag?!

Oh, baby...

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Pumpkin Carving Party

Jack o LanternsI love carving pumpkins.

It appeals to my creative side and my need to do stuff with my hands....

Idle hands...blahblahblah

This year, I decided to have friends over for some home made soup and to carve pumpkins

BYOP, of course.

I, being the pumpkin aficionado that I am, went to my favorite pumpkin farm on Sunday.

45 miles away.

Yep, a little drive for some pumpkins.

Sure, we passed a few other pumpkin farms on the way...

But it isn't MY pumpkin farm.

The one I discovered 3 years ago when I was killing myself selling insurance (don't ask)

I walked away with 3 beautiful carving pumpkins, 2 pie pumpkins, 2 butter squash, and 2 loaves of bread: zucchini with pecans and rhubarb

De.licious.My Pumpkin

Home made from scratch (except for the crust) pumpkin pie will happen next week.

Last night, we broke out the tools, some beer, and got cuttin'

I chose my prettiest pumpkin to carve first:

This will be my 'cute' pumpkin this year.

The next one will be a little more scary

And the third is going to be downright creepy.

I think the creepy one will have to take up residence atop my filing cabinet at work...

At first, only Megan and I were the only ones carving...

Her pumpkin:
Megan's Pumpkin

Then Eric and Scott arrived with their own pumpkins, as requested!

They were hesitant...but gave in to the pumpkin carving temptation.

Eric's pumpkin was kinda small and a bit rotten inside.


But it turned out great:

Eric's Pumpkin

Scott said he's NEVER carved a pumpkin before!

I found that unbelievable.

He cut er open and I helped him pull out the guts and scoop scrape dig...

Then he picked the simplest pattern in the book.

Which was a happy looking pumpkin.

He started with poking the holes and then tracing the pattern....

As he was carving I noticed his pumpkin was cracked on the bottom.

He became frustrated, thinking it was ruined and just about gave up.

Everyone told him to keep going!

So he kept on...then decided to just go with the flow...and started carving every which way!

The result:

Scott's Pumpkin

I think it's adorable!

A couple of strategically placed eyebrows and it could be menacing.

This weekend: cooking up the seeds and more carving!

Last year's spooky pumpkin post

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Getting Back on Track

flirty meAlright, so where were we...

Ahhh yes.


The pictures I said I would post a couple of weeks ago...

Tailgating is an art.

It takes planning, preparation, and dedication.

If you arrive at 8am for a 12:37pm kick-off, you're late.

Especially for the Iowa vs Iowa State Game...
Diet Pepsi
You meet all kinds of people tailgating...

Families, students, alumni...

What do they have in common?

A love of football and drunkenness.

Yes, whole families, wasted off their asses!

Some days are started with an omelet and a Bloody Mary

Not these.

A bowl of chili and crappy beer....not to mention shotgunning and beer-bongs....

That's how you start the College Football Saturday Extravaganza

About mid-morning, after playing bags and that game where you toss a string with balls on either end - way too dangerous for drunks in my opinion - you get a hankerin'

For some brats!

Fire up the grill and get out that spatula!


Fuck. We forgot the spatula.

No worries.

Iowa State is known for it's engineering program.

Surely there are Engi-nerds present that can solve our dilemma....

You need only look left or right, they dwell among us in large numbers.

5 minutes later, Voila!

A Beer Can Spatula:

Engineering GeniusFucking Genius.

After that some drinking games...

Namely, Tippy-Cup

Which I ROCK at!!

My team completely dominated.

I'm a single-flip-attempt kinda gal.

Always on the first try.

That's how great I am.

::Pat on Back::

Other things of note from that tailgate:


For some reason, guys feel the need to show me their dicks.

Not usually a problem.

Except we're drunk in the middle of the afternoon in a tailgating field in a college town in central Iowa!

Meh. I took pictures.
god damn i'm hot
I was looking for a TV to watch the game on...and walked into the arms of a guy named Todd.

It was really odd.

35, recently divorced, father of a 3.5 year old son, from out of convenient

He was cute, tall, claimed to be successful...

And then he took his sunglasses off....



At least I got to smoke some of his cigar . . .


Eat it, Hawks.

Monday, October 01, 2007

What happened that day...

My paternal family is diabetic.

All five of my aunts/uncles and my grandfather.

My grandmother died September 18, 2004, after years on dialysis.

Dad was a little overweight and had been diagnosed with diabetes late in life.

He'd always been an active person, playing soccer since college, coaching us when we were kids, doing home improvement projects...

His death was extremely sudden.

A heart attack is suspected, although never confirmed.

He was playing soccer that day.

Came off the field at half-time and motioned to his chest.

Told his wife he felt pressure.

Do you have any pain anywhere? Anything tingling or numb?

No, I just feel weak.

At that point they found him some sugary water, thinking it was just low blood sugar.

He couldn't keep the water down, and they set off towards a path to have some privacy.

Once they got there, he got down on one knee.

He didn't feel well...

We should get you to the hospital, can you make it to the car?

I don't know, just let me get it together first...

Then he passed out.

He never really came to after that, a bit of incoherent moaning was about it.

An ambulance was called.

The had to call back for directions because they couldn't find the side entrance to the park.

My stepmother and stepsister followed.

They turned on the siren as they left...but soon turned it off.

After arriving at the hospital, they worked on him, but wouldn't allow anyone to see him

At one point, my stepmother and sister were placed in a small, private waiting room.

They were told it didn't look good, and to prepare for the worst.

After an hour and 45 minutes of working on him, they finally gave up.

He was pronounced dead at 7:45 pm.

The Medical Examiner refused to do an autopsy.

We'll never know for sure what it was that killed him.

I'm glad it was quick, that he didn't go through what his mother did.

He was only in pain for maybe 20 minutes.

And he was doing something he loved when it happened: playing soccer

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Sunday, September 16, 2007, approximately 7:30pm

I'm doing my nails, watching the Patriots game...

My phone rings.

It's my brother.


It's either really good or really bad, he never calls 'just to talk'

I answer and immediately know something is wrong...

My brother is hysterical.

I just talked to Chris, (stepmom) she's at the hospital, it's dad, it doesn't look good, they said to prepare ourselves for the worst...

Ohmygod, what happened?!

I think it was a heart attack. I'll call you when I hear more...

Where are you?

I'm on my way home.

Chicago? Or your place?

My place.

OK, calm down, I'm going to leave as soon as I can, ok, just hold on...

I'm nervous, shaking, trying to wrap my head around what my brother just said.

I can't remember where my weekend bag is...

I call JMax and leave a frantic message, My dad had a heart attack, I'm leaving as soon as I can, I need to look after my cats.

I call my answer.

I'm running around my place, head spinning, I can't focus.

My phone rings

It's my brother again...

He's sobbing

Steph...Dad passed away.

I sat down and cried and told him I'd be home as soon as possible.

I threw a couple of things into a bag, hesitated as I reached for black clothing.

Trying to keep it together.

On my way out, I decide to call more people to see if I can drop off a spare key to someone that lives closer than JMax (he's 40 miles away)

Not one person answers.

Not even my creepy older upstairs neighbor.

Frustrated, I get in the car and head to the gas station, it's about 8:30

I'm still shaking.

My brother calls again.

He's a little more under control...

Don't come tonight, there's nothing we can do, it's not safe, just leave tomorrow.

No no, I've already left, I'm coming tonight.

I only received two return phone calls.

I told them the news and that I couldn't talk, I need to focus on driving.

That was the longest the drive has ever felt, even though I did it in record time

4 and a half hours, one bathroom break, one full tank of gas.

I had a lot of time to think....

About the things that I'll never be able to do with my dad.

Walk me down the aisle at my wedding.

Bounce his grandchildren on his knee.

Push it away.

You need to make it home in one piece.

I arrive at my mother's house at 1am.

The doors are locked, even the screen door in the back.

I ring the doorbell repeatedly and pound on the door.

She finally answers. died, I sob into her shoulder...

What?! Oh my god...

She's really out of it.

She took a sleeping pill and went to bed early.

My brother arrives about an hour later from Champaign.

More later...

Friday, September 14, 2007

It's Tailgate Time!

It's that time again in Iowa...

The Big Game.

The University of Iowa Hawkeyes, a Big Ten school, take on the Iowa State University Cyclones, a Big Twelve school.

The Hawkeyes have dominated the series over the years, 36-18

Winner receives the CyHawk Trophy

Since I've lived here in Iowa, the Cyclones have dominated.

I'll admit, I've never been to a game!

(And I won't be going to this one considering ticket prices are outrageous at $90!)

I was too busy getting drunk in the parking lot and tailgating fields across the street from the stadium

Sure, a touchdown is a great excuse to shotgun a beer, but, in my opinion, so is the sighting of a great ass!

The game is at 12:30 pm

Which means people will be up and ready at 6am


Being an Iowa State alumni, I feel a bit obligated to support them....even if we did lose our first two games...

And the last one was absolutely embarrassing...

It's not about the score, it's about the experience!

(which is exactly what people say when they think their team is going to get an ass-whopping...)

Go Clones!!

Tailgating pics posted next week!

(Yes!! My camera is finally ready - someone dropped it and it sorta...broke.)

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

I'm Hopped Up On Drugs

After the 'usual' weekend - drinking and partying till the wee hours of the morning, laying on the couch recovering and a bit of shopping - I make it out unscathed.

Not this time.

Saturday I noticed that I was kinda itchy on my neck...

Figured I'd been bitten by
mosquitoes again.

Little Fuckers

After a while I went to put some hydrocortizone on it and saw that it was not a bug bite.


Saturday night I went to see Superbad.

Fucking Awesome.

I almost starting drawing penises on the agenda of my Monday Morning Meeting...

Went to this bar called Tonic in a part of town I usually have to be dragged to, and what did I find?

Exactly what I had expected.

Stuck up bitches and rich guys.

I belly up to the bar and meet David:

40 something, single, never married, no kids, real estate guy from Vegas in town visiting family, and his brother-in-law Steve

I was entertained and when bar-close came, they invited me and friend back to their hotel to kill a 12 pack and snack on nasty microwavable tid-bits...

I was blitzed out of my brains and a few parts of the night are fuzzy, but I woke up, fully clothed, shoes and everything, in David's bed.


My friend is gone.


I leave around 10, saying Sure, I'll meet you later to watch football...

Went home and passed out.

It was glorious.

Hung over like crazy.

And now my neck itches again.

But on the opposite side.

What the hell.

Famished, I decide to use the old guy for a free meal and a beer.

I'm so nice.

Yesterday I woke up and I was still itchy.

In yet another spot, my chest.

OK, doctor time.

Diagnosis: Allergic Reaction

What did you get into?

Geez, what am I, a dog?!

It's not like I was rolling around in the grass and trying out new lotions or perfumes or shampoos etcetc

Now I'm hopped up on drugs.

Steroids and something called Clarinex which dissolves on your tongue and tastes like gross children's vitamins.

The 'roids make me peppy.

Like a caffeine overdose without the short of breath and unpleasant feelings.

Yeah. I have a rash, and I KNEW you wanted to hear all about it!

Not the all-over really gross kind, a localized, very polite looking-rash, like it won't bite you if you come near it!

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

I've been busy having fun...

The Pis has been busy working and having a good time...

As you can see.

Nothing sums up a good time like some guy named Timmy's name and phone number on your left ass-cheek in permanent marker.

If you have a comparable image, do share!

I started that day with a car-bomb.

And ended it with a side-knot and leg warmers.

Yes, it was an afternoon at the bar, watching the Cubs game, and then an 80s party. (pics here)

No nap in-between.

That was a mistake!

I ended up on this party/lame rollercoaster...

Between bouts of binge drinking/slutty antics and vegging out on the couch alone watching Top Gun, I managed to have some fun at the party.

The outfits were golden.

The music appropriate.

And not much can beat Twister in short skirts and hitting on Beetlejuice.

Alas, no pics from me since my friend dropped my camera at the bar and broke it.

It's in the shop gettin fixed.


That's my accomplice.

I don't remember what happened without it!!

I did start working at the ol bowling alley again...

Here's a gem from a local perv:

Hey, c'mere...have you been working out this summer?


Cuz you look GOOD..mmm mm...ass all tight...

Alright, thanks, that's enough!

Ahhh. Good to know some things never change.

It's good to be back at the bowling alley.

Friday, August 31, 2007

Wang Tango Fruitcake

I wake up because I have to go to the bathroom...

Groaning, I throw back the covers...

And see a dark spot on my bed.

I don't have my contacts in, and it's dark, but I know it's blood.

I grab my glasses from the bedside table and notice there's something else there...

I put them on....

There's a head with the top neatly sliced at an angle sitting on the table.

Blood all over the floor.

I get out of bed, hop over the blood spot, and turn on the bathroom light

I don't know who the head belongs to.

It's a female with short light brown hair.

I start to freak out and scramble back over the blood, over my bed, to the living room where I left my purse

I grab my cell phone and call my mom.

Mom, I don't know what's going on but there's a severed head on my nightstand with a piece of it sliced off! Ohmygod, what am I supposed to do?!, I didn't see the body.

I go back into my room, and crawl over the bed to get back to the bathroom...then check the floor at the foot of the bed.

There it is.

Wearing khakis and a green & white striped shirt

OMG mom! The body's on the floor!

As if it heard me screaming franticly, it starts to twitch and lurch towards me...the head's mouth opens and the eyes come to life, staring at me.

I'm hysterical, I run back over the bed and into the other bedroom...

I wake up, completely freaked out.

It's 5:32 am and I have to pee.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

A Change of Heart

I've never been a picky eater.


There are only a couple of things that I don't enjoy

Like lima beans and okra.

But I'll still eat them.

There has been only one thing that I refuse to eat.

Cottage Cheese.

For very good reason.

First, look at it!

Second, the addition of only a single word to the phrase 'cottage cheese' makes it even more disgusting.

Like thighs.

Or discharge.


Ok I'll stop.

I've winced so many times when people order it...with fruit or all alone, BLECH.

So imagine my surprise when I came across a 'Healthy Breakfast' recipe called Avocados with Tomato Cottage Cheese and wanted to try it.

Pi, you don't like cottage cheese...

Well, maybe I never gave it a's playing with avocados and tomatoes! My favorites!

Off to the grocery store.

I stood in front of the cottage cheese section and just stared...

Small curd, large curd, low-fat, all-fat, no-fat, low sodium...WTF

Too many choices.

I almost bailed.

No, no, you're going to do this!

Fine, um...small curd low-fat!

The curds are what always made it look inedible, so maybe if they're smaller it won't bother me as much...

And guess what?

I fucking loved it.

I loved it so much that after breakfast, I had more of it for a snack later....and then again later.

I consumed the whole 12 oz tub in one day.

And I've been craving it since.

Guess what? (again)

My favorite Mexican cheese (Queso Fresco) is a cousin of cottage cheese...

That's right, keep it in the family.

Friday, August 24, 2007

We got Dirrty

Pensive SteveSo last night ended up WAY better than expected.

I figured I'd be lazy again...

Then Twinky McStraight Nuts called and my fate was sealed.

A great fucking time!

Through torrential rain and retarded drivers, I made my way up to Ames, home of the alma mater.

We chilled out and drank domestic beer with mexican flare (miller chill)

The boys were engrossed in a chess match.


Then it was shot time (straight up JACK) and off to the bar!

I have to say, I've avoided partying in this little college town for several months, I didn't want to run into the ex...

Well, he's moved away (technically the National Guard moved him away...) and it's once again, a Crazy Pi Party Zone.

We hit Phuel, known for people that look like A&F models and drug deals.


We saddle up to the pool table and get comfy.
Hot Train
Steve and I kicked ass.

Then the drunk hit...

Next thing you know we are dancing all over each other, legs up in the air, humping, grabbing, groping, spanking

Y'know, the usual.Aaahhh

I had a little 'accident' as I was trying to take a picture with a full glass...

And 'all of a sudden' the bar was packed...

And people were staring at us!

We don't give a shit cuz we've been there done that etcetc

All the hoochies are workin their hoochie magic and guys that barely look of age are trying too hard.

Ahhh, the college bar.

We've moved on (well, most of us) to the point where we don't care what other people are saying/thinking at the bar.

So we got showed off our stuff and had a great ole time!
Booty Booty Booty

We left around midnight and went back to Twinky's newly purchased pad...

Turned on the telly and what do we find?!


DIRTY Anime.

I've never seen boobs so big or more sexually suggestive cartoons!

Shots from behind, up skirts, boobs flying all around, implied cock sucking, and snootch hunting!Dirty Anime

yes, that's an eel that had crawled into her suit while she was inner tubing...totally got her off, and now it's slithering away...

Which channel, pray tell, was it on?

Movie Plex.

Good people, good times.

And we're doing it again tomorrow!