Wednesday, September 27, 2006

As the Bowling Ball Turns: A New Series

My third night at the bowling alley went well

I made quite a bit in tips despite having to strut my stuff in this cheesey shirt:

Any workplace is like a soap opera so this one will be so aptly titled:


As the Bowling Ball Turns


i'm a frickin genius.

The Owner is an older gentlemen, very friendly, flirty, and word has it, CHEAP. (as most successful business owners are...)

The General Manager has been very pleasant towards me, but I've heard she can be a real BITCH.

"For awhile there she wasn't allowed to set foot in the place, not a month later she was working there . . . . I think she has something on Owner . . . "

Aaahhhhhh GOSSIP.

The driving force behind any good Work Soap Opera

Most of the people that work there, the counter guys, the snack bar guys, the bartenders, are related.

There are a few exceptions.

Like the guy with spinal meningitis.

Or the divorced bartenders that split shifts.

And me.

And then there are the bowlers.

The League Bowlers, the Open Bowlers, the people that hang out at the Bowling Alley Bar. (yeah, they exist...losers)

Some of the League Bowlers have been bowling there for 10+ years.

They know the people that work there pretty well.

Last night after work a few us employees were relaxing at the bar with one of the League Bowlers, let's call him Crass.

Crass has had a few to drink.

He starts talking to Meningitis Guy about his family's health problems and how he used to bowl with his dad and his dad's first cousin:

Now now, I don't mean anything mean by what I'm about to say, I need you to know that, MG. . . (i'm thinking, oh GREAT)

Your family has had so many health problems and I'm not sure how you all pull through it. You are one of the best handicapped bowlers I've ever seen...I remember when so-and-so was going down hill and then after he passed away blahblahblahblah

And I need to remember that I should be thankful for as well as I bowl cuz there are some people that no matter what they do even if they bowl for a lifetime they may never have an average like mine, I mean that guy that meant so much to your family was a great guy and he was passionate about bowling but he wasn't all that great, he may have bought every bowling ball that ever came out but he was never gonna be as good a bowler as I am...

An i'm-Holier-than-thou's-dead friend remark!
I was shocked...and he continues...

And your family, you poor guy, I guess there isn't a lot of luck there I mean, if it were raining pussy, your family would get hit by a dick!

(!)

WTF

I started laughing and just lost it.

Words as profound as those can only be found at the bowling alley.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I miss funny coworkers!

ATL LG said...

I'm still laughing..
fer Christsakes Crass you got no qwams about cha dude...

Spicy Little Pi said...

no he doesn't, and he later on he even gave me his number....33 and divorced, looks like i got me a winner....