Monday, January 14, 2008

As the Bowling Ball Turns: EXTREME Bowling

The continuing saga...

Bowling allies draw people from all walks of life.

Much like professional wrestling.

The white-trash-I-have-no-idea-what-a-mall-is to young upwardly mobile professionals

People of all ages etcetc you get the point

This creates an interesting social atmosphere on league nights

Last night I had the opportunity to chat with the girlfriend of one of the leaguers

At first, I had no idea that he was her boyfriend


Cuz he looks like her dad.

Then she went on this rant about how wonderful her three daughters are and they're so pretty and smart and the youngest is going to be a model and here I sit at a bowling alley, smoking a cigarette with my bad skin.



I think she's jealous of her own daughters.

Anyway, the dirty men were all in full form this week.

Tuesday night my dirtiest customer, Dale, had a guest.

His twin brother.

Whose nickname, Dirty Dawg, is tattooed on his arm.


He goes by 'Dawg' too...

Dale introduced us and Dawg couldn't get a word out

He was stunned by my beauty.

Later I found out he lived through a brain aneurysm...

He has problems with controlling half of his body.

At one point he came into the bar to ask me about my tattoos and grab a couple beers.

He had to show off his Dirty Dawg tat.

Then he took off his sweatshirt (and half of his t-shirt) to show me the Viking tattoo on his upper right arm.


Who fucking knows.

I had to yell at Dale to get his bro to put his clothes back on...

Constantly, I'll have leaguers say
I missed you

So good to see you, You look good tonight...

What does a girl say to these?

Oh, honey, I missed you to! Always a pleasure to see you, thank you...

Shit, that gets old quickly.

Then there's the dork that likes to flirt.

With those big brown eyes, when he looks at me it's like he's a little kid again.

Well I was going to come into the bar and deliver to you my raunchiest pick-up line but I was afraid you'd smack me!

You'd think I'd be offended or threatened by a raunchy line from you?


The night ended with me torturing myself with 3 games of bowling, which were pretty awful and very painful.

I need to practice more.


Y'know, like the X-games?

Like throwing a ball that's on fire or having a large vicious blood-thirsty animal released if you're taking too long...

How about Strip Bowling?

If you don't put up a mark, remove an article of clothing!


We'd need a private alley for that.

Or a waiver.

And standards.

I don't want to see 'normal' leaguers running around in nothing but socks and bowling shoes


But wouldn't that be fun?

Nude Bowling.


1 comment:

Christopher said...

It's never good when a mother is jealous of her own daughters. I got to experience this first hand growing up. My neighbors had 4 sons and one daughter, and the mother was extremely jealous of her. Needless to say, she moved out ASAP and pretty much disappeared from family life. In this case, she was fortunate enough to have 4 great older brothers who loved and protected her, but without that support, I can only imagine what would have become of her life...

(BTW, she ended up landing a job as a dental hygenist, solely because her teeth were the whitest EVER... thanks to her OCD about brushing after every meal, snack, etc.)

Oh... and strip bowling... I can only imagine the additional ball jokes that would grace the lanes. But I'm in!