On Bowlers, Dating...

So, getting back to the topic of Dating....

I have this 'issue'

Not even sure if it qualifies as an issue, maybe it's just a bad habit

Where the fuck did it come from?

Some buried childhood shit or bad relationship experiences?

I might have to sit back and actually think about that!

Anyway the bad habit/issue is Aggression.

Not violence related aggression, mind you, but aggression in the sense that I'm the pursuer

And not just the pursuer, I always seem to do more than my 'fair share' of pursuing....

Egh, basically, I try too hard.

There, I said it, I'll admit it!

I try too hard.

I've even been told this by people I've dated.

It's been an annoying habit of mine for years...

Maybe it has something to do with vying for attention from my dad when my brother and I were kids...

Or maybe that's crap.

Who knows where it comes from?!

Thing is, I KNOW I do it and yet have problems stopping myself!

Do I have attachment issues? Am I insecure?

I used to, and I was.

But this behavior hasn't disappeared with those issues...

I'm a bit of a junkie...

I thrive on the chase, and try to keep that going

The excitement of it....

Why can't you sit back and be pursued?!

If I did that, I'd only receive offers from people I'm not interested in...

Like (most) bowlers I wait on, the overly aggressive dirty older guys, or the dorky socially awkward guy that feels he has nothing to lose so why not go talk to her?

I find someone/something I'm interested in, and I go after him/her/it...

The more interested I am, the more aggressive I tend to be

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't....other times, one, then the other.

When it works, I still can't seem to cool it down.

I've scared off more than a few decent guys with it too.

Right now I find myself doing it yet AGAIN, but with a twist:

I've also had the tables turned on me!

Too aggressively pursuing one and being aggressively pursued by another (or two)

I'm taking a step back and trying to chill the fuck out.

There are a couple of bowlers that flirt and ask me out and just won't give up.

One I have flatly told 'no'

Another is a dirty thirty something that treats me disrespectfully

The third one, is a little sneaky...

He's nice, a little quiet, and his occupation could be of use to me

(He lays hardwood floors)

So I've been nice to him, chatting after my shift over a beer at the alley

I thought I'd be able to do new floors sooner, so I gave him my number, thinking he could help me out with the type of wood/color blahblahblah

And then the late night text messages started.

Great, wtf did I get myself into.

Then the requests to 'grab a drink sometime.'

Finally, I said, Ok fine, I'll have a drink with you.

He's not my type by a long shot, but I'll humor him (is that wrong, tell me?!)

Why?

Fuck if I know. I'm tired of him asking...(wait, that's not a good reason!)

Wednesday we were supposed to have a drink at happy hour...

Then I get a text:

I couldn't talk you into a movie at your place and ordering in supper by any chance could I? I think I'm getting an ear infection but I still really want to do something with you.

Since I was away from my desk I didn't see it....then, 10 minutes later:

If you don't want to or don't feel comfortable doing that don't worry. I just don't feel up to actually going out. You just have to promise to reschedule.

Oh geez.

Then last night he wants to know if we can reschedule for Today. Friday.

Since when does 'grab a drink sometime' turn into dinner again?!

(Recall this strategy from a month ago - the Musician...)

Huh. (I haven't replied)

So this is what it feels like?

I'm turned off by my own medicine.

Ain't that some shit...

Time to do some self-eval and then kick my own ass.