Friday, February 17, 2006

Meet Marquis, The Idiot

At my night/weekend job we deliver sandwiches.

Occasionally, we have Dumbasses call us for a delivery.

Last night, his name was Marquis, and he wanted a single sandwich delivered to 3M.

We close at 11pm, and, like most restaurants, we hate those last-hour customers. Especially when when we've been dead ALL NIGHT.

Marquis called for a delivery around 10:15 pm. That was fine, I happily took his order.

My delivery girl, The Jilted Love Monkey, braves the bitter cold to bring Marquis his one sandwich around 10:30.

Right after she leaves, the phone rings. Another delivery. Fine.

Then, five minutes later, it rings again. It's The Monkey...she's at 3M, and had the guard call Marquis.

He's not there. Yet.

"Uh, I'ma be there in, uh, 15 minutes..."

He then proceeded to ask the guard to buy his food for him so The Monkey could leave. No luck.

Who orders a sandwich for delivery and doesn't even mention that he won't be in the delivery location for half an hour?!

So The Monkey comes back, take the other delivery, and heads back to 3M. It takes Marquis 10 minutes to come to the front and pay for his food.

His total was $4.25. He hands The Monkey a ten.

She gives him his change in singles.

He turns and leaves.


The Monkey was pissed when she got back to the store.

'I fucking drive around town in the freezing ass cold, RISKING MY LIFE to deliver ONE FUCKING SANDWICH to this ASSHOLE, I even COME BACK after his dumbass wasn't there, and he tips me 75 CENTS?!'

That's fucking bullshit.

People, please tip your delivery drivers. Especially on cold, snowy nights.

Maybe, next time Marquis calls, we'll tell The Monkey to drive by and throw his food at him.

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