Monday, February 06, 2006

The Office Move

Everyone that has been fortunate enough to have worked in an office should also be privy to an Office Move.

The Office Move is an exercise in Fuck-Uppery that has never been completed without head-ache and frustration that linger for weeks.

A smooth transition is highly unlikely, so if you must take part, do take precautions.

Recently, I have been a player in the Office Move Game. (Albeit a sick, lazy one.) Not just ANY Office Move, it has been deemed necessary to shack up with the company we'll be merging with this year. What a bum deal.

Having been out sick for three days, I return to find my computer violated - someone, other than me, touched it in that oh-so-special place, it's backside. So I comforted it as best as I could and then packed up all my shit in 4 boxes.

2 of which will be relocating upon Move-In. I have a meager existance in the office, meaning I don't like hard copies. They're fire hazards.

So, Movers come and move our boxes. I unpack, reconnect my computer and I'm up and running by 3:30.

Everyone else is STILL looking for their boxes.


My computer, whom I think of as my ally in this whole ordeal, BETRAYS me.

The phones aren't working, when they are, we still can't call long distance. We haven't been issued the proper 'long distance codes.' (Corporate CRAP.)

We do not have our own break room. We have to set up our coffee pot in a back corner. My Office-mates refuse to drink the stuff that passes as 'coffee' around here. I heard one complain,

"Columbian!? I can still SEE through it!"

They like they're coffee to be thick as motor oil. I don't drink it, but laugh at their misfortune anyway.

Our copier, our Piece-of-shit-take-a-bat-to-it-like-Office-Space-Xerox, can ONLY be moved by a company of Xerox's choice. Fine. They show up later in the day.

The Xerox arrives BROKEN. "Uh, we got a block down the road and heard a loud crash in the back..." A bit of hilarity.

If you were going to break it on the way over, we would have GLADLY helped.

Someone from the other company has complained that all 7 of us get a window regardless of tenure or importance. (I say FUCK YOU, DEAL WITH IT.) The boss says,"Chill, we probably won't be in this arrangement for long."

(Guess what? They have enough space for everyone to have a window too. Policy? Excuse me, but your parent sold you to OUR parent, and we don't roll that way...)

Ah, the lack of communication that comes with merging.

That isn't even all of it. I could bitch about this all week...I just might too...

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