Monday, June 26, 2006

The Porn Star Story

One time, at the Strip Club. . .

The 'Featured Dancer' was none other than Porn Star: Texas Barbie

I was excited. I love women and I love Strip Clubs.

I was with a group of friends, at The Lumberyard, 'Where real men go to get wood'

Right as we walked in, they started offering polaroids with her for 5 bucks.

I was game.

As I walked across the stage, she smiled at me, and said, 'Wow, you're pretty! Normally I'd sit on the guy's lap, but how about we stand instead?'

Damn. I wanted her on my lap. But I was too stunned in the first place to come up with anything other than, 'Oh, ok.'

Great compliment, a Porn Star thinks I'm pretty!

'Come find me after the show and I'll sign a picture for you.'

Sweet.

Later on, there was another opportunity to, um, 'get closer' to her. . .

'OK people, 5 bucks to get up on stage!'

I had no idea what for, but I did it anyway.

So I get up on stage, and the strippers are laying us down in rows. . .

I look to my left and there's a guy, completely wasted, 'HEY! What are we doing up here?!'

I don't know!

It's my Bachelor Party, this is awesome!!

He was having a great time. I turn to my right, and there's another drunken bastard laying next to me, 'It's my birthday!'

Happy Birthday!

Next thing I know, I see Texas Barbie walking around Butt-Ass Naked on stage. . .

She comes towards me, waves, 'Oh Hey! It's You!'

She squats.

Over my face.

She is pierced.

There's pierced Porn Star Clit 3 inches from my face.

What's a girl to do?

. . .

So I licked it.

I figure I'm never going to be in this situation ever again. (Unless I keep going to Strip Clubs)

A few reactions to this story:

Do you have any idea where that thing's been?!

No, but I'm sure I could go to the nearest Sex Shop and find out. . .

Are you fucking serious!? You didn't?!

I sure did.

That's Gross!

::Shrug:: At least I have a cool story and a polaroid with a naked Porn Star.

3 comments:

Uncle Buck said...

Tears are streaming down UB's face...what a beatuiful story...

Spicy Little Pi said...

why thank you :)

Tayster said...

Wow, no wonder her name is Barbie. She looks exactly like my sister's Barbie that I used to undress when I was a kid.

Except my sister's Barbie had less plastic.

Thanks for the nice story this morning.