WARNING:Filler - Spicy in Boston.

Ok. Pi's tired.

And I just snarfed some fast food for lunch.

I'm in a grease-inspired coma.

So this is all you get to look at for the next week!
(such a bitch, i know.)

And cuz I haven't done one of these in awhile.

Recent Keyword Activity:

1. pictures of women drunk and barfing
2. cheesey office sayings
3. italian mexican guido
4. flooring gallery jayda iowa
5. fantasy cliche
6. dirty little diesel driving devil
7. sticky jeans

Strange little minds out there landing on my odd-blog.

Want entertainment?

Go read something in the sidebar or sift through the archive bin or my flickr.

Spicy's going to Boston!

I might blog from there, depending on how accessible/motivated/NERDY I'm feeling.

I can't resist an internet connection, I reallllly can't.

So sexy with all its knowledge, filth, and wonder. . .

You know what I mean!

East Coast, here I come :D

Go on Frenchie, say 'Chowder'

Pi is traveling once again!

In October I went to Vancouver and had a fabulous time hanging with Chad, Smelly, Patz, and Shaz...

This time I'm heading East to Boston

I'm leaving tomorrow night and there's so much CRAP going on here at work

It's driving me nuts.

Course there's a little freaking out going on since I'm INTEGRAL.

Haha, I'm so vain. (even if it is a little true!)

I'm stealing a little time to myself to throw up a little post, sue me.

So in case you didn't know, I'm Awesome. (on top of vain...)

Yes, a sucker for a good cause.

Thanks for the props, Jetson!

Anyway, I have no solid plans for this little trip to Boston.

Other than I better get to the aquarium, each some sushi and chowder, and hang with my buddy Beckman.

He's in da ARMY in Iraq.

He'll be meeting Pi and the Big O in Boston.

We haven't seen him in F O R E V E R.

Pretty excited.

Maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll get to meet Uncle Buck from Chowdaheads.

But he's a little busy with work and making a family and whatnot.

I'm planning like I'm totally going on this trip.

But I'm not getting my hopes up.

(Low expectations=extreme pleasure when result is 'just okay')

Why?

We're taking a little guy over to Chicago first.

I'm totally eating a hotdog at O'Hare.

Then we get on a real plane to go to Boston.

Coincidentally, the same kind of plane that crashed in western Venezuela killing 160 people...(gawd, you worry too much...)

Well, if you'll recall, or not and just go here, I didn't have the easiest of times getting to Vancouver.

The last flight I booked for the ol boss was delayed and then cancelled due to 'Mechanical Difficulties'

The last time The Big O flew, he had to sit on the plane for 3 hours while a 'Mechanical Difficulty' was resolved.

I ended up being harassed by a fishman I met while drunk in Phoenix.

Big O missed his connecting flight and was uber late to Cali.

The boss was at the airport at 5am. Since the flight was cancelled he was able to work instead.

So if we get off the ground, albeit late, we'll get there, right?

I hope so!

Pi won't be around for awhile, at least it looks that way.

I bet I come back to a pile of work on my desk.

'Punishment' for being young, single, and able to travel at my leisure . . .Haha, eat it, suckers!

I need to get out of Iowa for a little bit - can you blame me?!

Back in town next Tues night...and Mr. Squeeze is picking me up from the airport, how sweet =D

Tons o'pics and stories when I get back!

Say it, Frenchie, "SHAU-DERE!"

Greatest Night of TV EVER

So I was laying around sometime last month and happened to catch The Greatest Night of TV EVER.

It started as any Great Night of TV should, with Michael Bolton: Tribute on Ice

Fruity ice skaters 'ice dancing' in time to the classic musical stylings of Michael Bolton.

I was so excited I let a little pee out.

Cuz there's nothing like when he sings 'When a Man Loves a Woman'

I followed that up by changing it over to The E! True Hollywood Story:

David Hasselhoff.

Hilarious!

That guy's got some GUMP!

And what a luscious head of hair . . .

He doesn't take himself too seriously.

Which is great cuz no one else does either.

I also managed to catch The Hot Dog: A Complete History on the Food Network.

I fucking love that channel.

Hot Dogs have an interesting and disgusting history.

Complete with footage of the various ways they've been made. . .

BRREAACCCLLEECHHH.

Anyway I just noticed that I match my panties to my top.

Not on purpose.

But I do it.

Weird.

Oh right weekend update, a little late since the weekend starts pretty soon...

Alright some key highlights.

It snowed.

I went to Keysters with Ben to see a band called Rude Mood.

Stevie Ray Vaughn cover band.

Pretty cool.

They were getting ready to play, dinking with their instruments etc...

Test Test...check check...

So Ben, being Ben, screams, 'Testicle!'

Test Test . . Testicle. . .

haha awesome. He especially liked it when Ben screamed 'Show me your dick!'

I got a picture with the lead singer.

Just cuz.

Ben thought it'd be hot to hike up his pants and show off his Moose Knuckle.

Everyone was grossed out.

He also flashed a bunch of crack . . . (it's in the flickr if you REALLY want to see it)

And hit on a table of older fat ladies.

He's such a pimp.

Then he ordered a bunch of us a shot.

A creation of his.

It's called A Dick in the Mouth.

Hard, creamy, and salty.

Wild Turkey, Bailey's, with a salted rim.

It was GROSS.

Way worse than actually sucking dick btw.

Surprisingly it doesn't curdle.

He also liked the added bonus of being able to wake up in the morning and say

::smacksmack:: Eeww. I can still taste the Dick in my Mouth from last night!

Alright Monkeys, Have a good weekend!

Can't sleep, clowns will eat me...

I went to bed annoyed last night.

I woke up at 3:37am.

I've been waking up in the 3 o'clock hour everyday during the week for 2 weeks now.

Then I had this strange dream about being on vacation with either my mother or my coworker that's old enough to be my mother and seeing this HUGE bug just hanging out not ten feet from either of us...

But it looked fake.

It had duct tape on it.

I turn and start to walk away and then feel it land on my back.

It's on me! It's on me!

Then I woke up and could still feel the spots where it's legs had touched my back.

Sounds stupid, but it really creeped me out.

That was at 4:59am.

At 5:40 I finally gave up trying to go back to sleep.

When I did wake up, I realized I'm still afraid of the goblins under my bed.

I made it to work an hour early.

Why was I annoyed?

Several things.

One of them being that I saw 2 pregnant women smoking last night.

The one has been trying to get pregnant for 4 years and finally conceived.

The other, well, not exactly planned. (and she already has a child, not planned either)

Now, I don't want to be judgmental or anything (heaven forbid)

But I am.

I may not know you extremely well.

But that really ticked me off.

Then it was really sad.

You try for so long to get pregnant, you finally do, then you don't even try to quit smoking!?

Retard.

I think babies are gross and the thought of something actually growing inside of me creeps me out.

(so work up to it, start with something small, he said, like a tapeworm)

But I'll prolly have kids someday, and be more responsible while pregnant. (besides, can't let these genes go to waste!)

And the other one, the kid may have been an accident, but you chose to keep it anyway.

Good for you.

Then you punish the poor thing by smoking.

Yes, you're my friend. Yes, I'll help and be supportive whenever I can. But it bothers me and I can't hide it.

I also can't do anything about it.

Sure I can show you pictures of what smoking does to a baby.

Or give you literature on the subject.

But I can't make you quit smoking.

Or dump the loser that knocked you up.

Those are choices for you to make.

I'm just your friend.

A bystander.

Rude Awakening

This morning, as I lay in my wonderful bed, I was content.

Then I realized my alarm hadn't gone off yet.

Then how rested I was...

Then how much sunlight was coming through the window...

Roll over...

8:05!?

FUCK.

So that is what three days of sleeping in will do to me.

I am incapable of setting my alarm properly.

Then I don't even wake up at the last minute, which is common.

I wake up late.

WAY late for the first day of the week. (shoulda been here at 7.30am!)

Funny part is, I've had that alarm clock for 10 YEARS.

10 YEARS and I still fuck up setting it for 5:45am.

why so early? i like to snooze. alot.

I set it for 5:45pm.

Awesome.

So while I'm at home for that single hour on Tuesday between jobs, eating dinner, listening to music, reading, changing and making sure I look HOT for the dirty old men and Mr. Squeeze at the bowling alley, I'll be reminded what a RETARD I was last night as my alarm-clock radio goes off and makes me think there's someone in my bedroom . . .

Fantastic way to start my 4 day work week.

BTW The Pi is flying to Boston next week and will be there for about 6 days!! Just for fun.

If you live in the area and want to hang out/get drunk or just know some cool shit to do, let me know!

Weekend update tomorrow.

Naughty Car Wash

You want to? . . . C'mon I know you do!

Ok, get ready, let's go.

I run to the bedroom, excited that he's finally agreed to do it.

I slip on a short skirt and leave my panties behind.

I come out in my button down, skirt and flip flops.

He's wearing a pair of shorts that are a little big and an extra long t-shirt.

You better be commando under those! as I flash a little cheek...

Yes, and looks like you are too . . . let's hurry before I change my mind and take you right here.

Wait! one more thing! I rush back to the bedroom and grab a toy.

We rush out to the SUV and I immediately open his fly.

Aren't you worried about someone seeing?!

Not really, we sit up so high I don't think anyone could see into this thing.

He shrugs and I go to work...

The thrill and danger of road head gets me all hot n bothered...

He's having a hard time concentrating

We finally arrive at the car wash.

I come up for air as he pays and pulls around.

Did you get the Deluxe Package?

Sure did.

The attendant waves us in, tells us when to stop.

He puts it in Neutral, then pushes his seat way back.

I break out the toy and go back to work on him.

The SUV slowly moves down the tunnel...

Once all the windows have been coated with soap, I get really excited

I hop out of my seat and into his lap . . .

::dirty porn music::

I think the biggest challenge to this little Naughty Car Wash Fantasy of mine is finishing up before we get to the end of the tunnel. . .

Then again, if we aren't finished, and depending on the car wash, there could be a couple of guys with towels ready to dry the vehicle.

They'll get quite the show.

Bet they've never seen that one before.

This hasn't happened.

Yet.

Couch Sleeper

Sleeping on the couch.

What a guilty little pleasure.

One I enjoy almost daily.

Since I've been sick the majority of this year, I need all the sleep I can get.

Even if it is slumped over on the couch, with one cat on my lap, the other lapping at my leftover soup, all while I'm drooling to a blaring TV.

What a wonderful image, just like the naked man lounging.

Work is kicking my ass.

Nature is kicking my ass.

Who's next?!

Your momma.

Right, so you're passed out on the couch, finally come to and realize that you missed the same part of the same show you've been trying to catch up on for a month.

Fantastic.

OK, fuck it, to bed!

Now here's a dilemma.

Go through the bathroom routine or go straight to bed?

If you go through the routine you risk waking yourself up too much.

If you don't you'll lie awake feeling guilty you didn't do it.

OK, FINE.

Bathroom:wash face, put on my extreme age-defying face cream (thanks gramma), brush teeth, make sure the door is locked, phone on SILENT and charging, turn off all aquarium lights, make sure cats aren't locked in a closet, take out contacts, set alarm, lights out, ready? SLEEP!

Seriously.

I do that every night.

Which would explain why I'm so goddamn tired today.

To top that off, the first thing the boss says to me today as I wander in 20 minutes late like a zombie is 'Heygoodmorning, gladyou'rehere, we'llbebusytoday'

Why are you so damn chipper?!

Yeah. I make sure my door is locked.

I live in a secure apartment building.

With 392 other apartments.

Why would someone that managed to sneak in choose MY apartment to break into?

Cuz I have a cute little welcome mat.

Wow, Pi what a strange and crappy post.

New Year's Eve Recap Extravaganza

Yes! It's finally here! After being slammed at work and then at home suffering from food poisoning, it's finally here!

Since New Year's Eve fell on a wonderful Sunday giving everyone Monday off, we partied it up alllll weekend.

We started on Friday.

Occasion: Ike the Duke was in town from Texas

I've heard stories about The Duke from the Big O.

Legendary 'This one time, back in college, my rugby buddies and I. . .' kinda stories

We all met up at the High Life Lounge

Where else?!

All the guys there had nicknames...

Highbeams, A-bomb, I can't even remember the rest...

The Big O was showing off his bitchin' new Kicks

When I first heard about em I asked What color are they?

What color aren't they?! he replied . . .

Now I get it.

The boys were tearing into 8 packs of Quiet Ones when I arrived.

Small, cute, quiet, 6 dollars, but deadly.

I rocked the Premium Grain Belt, of course.

I was obssessed with sticking that bottle WAY into my mouth for pics that night...

After last call the boys rounded each other up and we met at Ben's place.

They ran to the QT for a case 'o beer.

::guys rush through door, thristy looks on faces, gasping:: WHAT TIME IS IT?!

5 seconds past two says the store clerk.

What a jerk.

So we killed a bottle of Crown.

Took this picture:

That's my green suede jacket.

And a GEM of a $12 guitar clock they found at Walgreens.

You know you're jealous.

And guess what?

It flashes on and off, on and off, on and off...

Then we played some Tiger Woods Golf.

Stayed up till 6.30am.

I passed out on the floor. Ouch. Back. hurt.

Saturday was wasted away on the couch, until I met up with the boys to watch some football . . .

We got some pizza and then Ike n I headed out to the bar to chill with Fratter.

No one likes Fratter but Ike.

I understand why.

Anyway, that night was alright, but since Friday kicked so much ass, more pics of that:

Jesus likes Ass

He even looks surprised that he's grabbing it!

I haven't laughed as hard as I did that night and the following nights while hanging with these guys.

That's the good stuff.

This one cracks my shit up!

The people sitting behind us were staring in awe. . .

OMG ARE THEY MAKING OUT?!

When Ben came up for air he stressed the importance of thumbs-over-lips in making this look real

I'm not sure they believed him!


Finally, Sunday.

More time on the couch.

I got my shit together and went to the hotel about 3ish.

Our room wasn't ready yet.

You have a HUGE New Year's Eve bash EVERY YEAR and you say people can check in at 3 and your fucking rooms aren't ready?!

Preposterous.

Off to the restaurant.

The boys show up.

Bloody Mary time.

Blahblahblah after awhile we got our room and everyone arrived and all the booze and snacks were strewn about...

You should have seen the spread.

2 Gallons of Vodka

A handle of Parrot Bay, a handle of Bacardi Limon, some 151, Malibu, Captain, UV blue, orange juice, 2 gallons of cranberry, 2 cases of redbull...6 bottles of Champagne!

It was beautiful.

We all got ready and looked FAHbulous, as you can see.

Fahhbulous despite drinking in the shower and while curling hair.

Ben and Ike LOVE Outkast, so they did the cover pose.

Me n my bartender from the bowling alley:

Yeah, we're hot.

After a little wandering around and drinking the boys took off to 'pull'

We hustled to get down to the nacho bar
that was included in our package...

Pretty tasty. even if they did come up later.

We did a little dancing, wandered around, gaped at the way some of the ladies were dressed...

Pointed out who was on the prowl.

The first band was playing so we went to check em out in the ballroom...

The Dead Cowboys.

Ike and Ben were flailing around on the dancefloor, 'rockin' out'

People were actually singing that shit.

It was awful.

Big O said they were playing '70s country songs with a rock twist.

In other words, CRAP.

By the time the good band came on, Hairball, I was up in the room throwin up m'guts.

I took a break from hurling to check em out, that's how I know they were good.

They fucking rocked all the big hits of the 80s.

Something did not agree with me...

I tried to keep the party going, but I think my old lady-ness is catching up with me.

3 straight nights of hard partying, barely anything to eat, and little sleep caught up to me.

I still made it out to the balcony to watch the balloon drop at midnight - and text Mr. Squeeze ;-)

I even partook in some Champagne.

Mmmm champagne.

Couldn't miss out on that part...

The 'good stuff' we had on hand, Korbel.

Not that $3 peach knock off shit. . .

And then, seemingly out of nowhere, as if we were missing it, DRAMA reared it's fugly head.

OMG her and her bf just bought a house together and she's mad she didn't get a ring for their 1-yr anniversary, or her birthday, or new year's, AND he told her he's been cheating on her.

She jacked him in the face.

Whoa.

Course that shit HAD to go down in our room.

They weren't even staying there!

wtf.

Other highlights include the guy in the green shirt disappearing all night and then showing up with some dishevled drunk chick...all prepared to make out.

how the fuck did HE pull and I didn't?! oh right i was barfing in the bathroom...

We ordered pizza.

The delivery guy brought us the wrong room's order. We tipped him $20 before we figured that out.

About an hour later, as Ben had his pants around his knees and was shaking his banana hammock back n forth showing off his prowess our REAL pizza guy showed up.

Awesome timing.

Shortly after, Ike came bolting out of the bedroom, where he had some bitch 'in deep conversation' and tried to tackle Ben. . .

He ended up sitting on 2 of our 3 pizzas!

Ah, well.

All in all a good time.

Ben's resolution is to never hang out with the drama queens again.

Even though I was too sick to get drunk, the boys kept me entertained all night, so I'm not that upset about it!

Hairball is so on for next year!

holylongpostbatman. this seriously took me over an hour, you better appreciate bitches!