Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Meet Rick from United

The most amusing part of travelling is the people at the airport.

Spicy was supposed to fly to Vancouver by way of Denver. Well that flight was cancelled as I was standing in line to check in.

One of those nifty-difty travel sites that I used to book it called me and told me so. And now I'm supposed to go to O'Hare and then Vancouver.

But it's snowing in Chicago. Flights are being cancelled and delayed left and right. By the time I get to the front to check in, there's a line a quarter mile long behind me and I'm on stand-by.

So I asked the lady to send me through Dallas/Ft. Worth or Pheonix.

How'd I know to ask for it?

Cuz i'm Spicy.

She put me on a flight on a different airline to Pheonix.

I had a 4 hour layover. SUCK.

Pheonix is in the desert. (duh) The first thing I noticed is the unnatural way they planted the trees.

All in perfect rows, perfect grids of trees.

If they aren't native to the area, wouldn't you try harder to make it look like they belong there instead of making the area look like a tree farm?

OK, 4 hour layover, let's make the best of it.

Enter: FOX Sports Bar in Concourse B

I have no qualms about eating alone. There were TVs to watch. (I finished my book on the plane)

Not long after I had finished dinner, a guy sat down at a table on the other side of the counter from me.

He kept looking at me.

I noticed. I'm not an idiot.

Finally he started talking to me.

So I think wtf, go over to his table, sit down, start chatting.

I'm Rick, I work for United. I'm the guy on the runway with the orange sticks. I'm flying for free to Milwaukee.

He's 33.

(whenever I meet 33 yos, things go down the toilet.)

Have you seen Fight Club? (of course I have, I'm not a troll, and it's one of my favorites)

I subscribe to the Single-Serving Friend Philosophy.

(refresher for trolls:
Everywhere I travel; tiny life. Single-serving sugar, single-serving cream, single pad of butter, the microwave cordon bleu hobby kit. Shampoo-conditioner combos, sample packets of mouthwash, tiny bars of soap. The people I meet on each flight; they are single-serving friends. Between take-off and landing we have our time together, that’s all we get.)
Wow, I'm impressed. yeah, right.

When I saw you, I kinda got this vibe, like there might be something there.

You mean the vibe that happens in your pants when you see a pretty lady sitting by herself? Maybe I should have sat at the bar...

Then he wanted to know about my life. So I told him this story. I hoped it'd make him back off a little. ::sigh:: silly girl...

He goes on to express his opinion about me wasting my time blahblahbalhblhablah

So why are you going to Vancouver, what's there?

So I told him.

Well, if things don't work out there, you can give me a call and I'll see what I can do to get you on a flight back here to Pheonix and we can hang out.


I'll be honest, I'm 33 and I'm not getting any younger, I'd like to see you again.

By this time I'm about to smash my tall beer glass, threaten him with it, and then slit my throat when he doesn't leave. At some point, between the beers and shot of tequila, he got my number.Rick the United Guy

Way to go, Pi.

The whole thing was amusing, so I made sure I got a picture.

He finally left to get on his plane, sending me a txt msg right before he took off:

Great to meet you and really hope to talk to you again.

Um, thanks.

About 4 hours later, I got another msg:

I made it to Milwaukee. Have fun in YVR, and have a beer on my five bucks. Hehe. Expect a drunk text or two from me. Feel free to do the same.

Monday night,
another text:

So how's Single Serving Steph?

Pretty sure you just violated your philosophy.

And, yesterday:

Hey. When are you coming back down towards the phoenix area?

Never, Rick. Never!

Just my luck. Always get the creepy/clingy ones.

I should stop being so nice and tell them to fuck off.

holishit that picture creeps me out!


Jetson Stamina said...

High Five Rick.

We miss 100% of the things we never attempt.

Next time Spi, giv'em a serious rogering and then a wrong phone number.

That way, you inspire hope with a hint of let down.

just sayin...

Leafs Fan said...

Haha, that's funny.

3.14 said...

that's awesome...single serving friends so easy to dispose of (just how i like em)

Spicy Little Pi said...

Time to visit The Rejection Hotline

Why didn't I think to do that earlier...

Thanks, Jets, now I can inspire hope for even the biggest gomers!

off to memorize a new phone #...

RyeGuy said...

he looks like the catfish on the wall of my uncle's cabin.

Shaz said...

This is why I'm so thankful I can never see the faces of the guys waving those orange flags. So damn ugly.

I mean that in the nicest way possible.

Spicy Little Pi said...

lol ryeguy is right!

i didn't sit with him cuz of his charming good looks, i figured i'd at least get a few drinks and some brainless conversation...well yes and then a whole lot of other shit too!