And the MVP Award goes to...

I have a new friend. His name is Seth.

Seth has a daughter, whom he loves more than life.

Then there's "my baby's mamma"

As far as I know, she has no name.

Seth makes $3.50 an hour after childsupport is taken out. He's a little stressed.

He claims to have A Gift.

Women love me. No matter how I look. I may be a little over weight, have a scraggly beard, wild hair, and crazy eyes, but they always hit on me.

I didn't believe him. I think he's creepy. Nice guy, just creepy. I'd never hit on him.

Why do you act like that's a bad thing?

Because I've already retired my cock.

Why would you do a thing like that?!

Because of The Curse.

. . .

Every woman I've ever been with has gained weight exponentially. I mean it. My baby's mamma was around 140 when I met her, now she's around 350. So I took it upon myself to save the world from more fat chicks and retire my cock. I had a good career, but you gotta know when to throw in the towel.

I'm addicted to making out with women, however. I LOVE making out with women. I need intimacy too.

Hah, at least we agree on something.