Monday, December 12, 2005

...and Mucus will rain down from the sky....

I'm sick.

When I'm sick, I am A Mucus Monster.

I believe this happened as punishment for all the fun I've been having lately. So maybe staying out till bar close, 4:30, or 5 am in a smoke filled den of alcoholic destruction didn't help over the weekend, but c'mon, it's the weekend!

So, as I sit here in my wonderful padded cubicle, munching on my white chocolate cinnamon covered holiday pretzel, I wonder, what if this cold never goes away?

I'd be damned to walk the streets in all of my boogery-slime glory. I already sound like a 50 year-old life-long smoker with a rat in my throat, what's next?

My sinuses will bulge with greenish-yellow goo, distorting my face and making my eyes pop out a little? My ears will fill up and I'll be just as deaf as a granny standing next to her TV at full-volume and still screaming, "WHAT?!"

One morning I'll wake up with a throbbing sinus headache, snot streaming down my face. The pain so excruciating I'd run into the front yard while holding up my goober covered arms, the snot extending from my face like garland on a tree screaming, "WHY?!" and, "PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!"

And then, finally, My head will explode from all the pressure and Mucus will rain down from the sky, infecting everyone in sight...

Or maybe I've just been reading too much Stephen King.

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