Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Those Crazy Bowlers

I believe it was my sophmore year of college, I joined The Bowling Club.

Only Band Geeks can surpass The Bowling Club when it comes to lameness. But I bet we could've drank 'em under the table! The men and women's travel teams would travel to neighboring states and stay in 2 or 3 hotel rooms. Lots of drinking, little sleep, and lots of hung-over bowling took place. I have tons upon tons of Bowling Club stories, but I'll limit it to the funny and gross.

One time at a bowling tournament:

  • There were many incidents of girl-on-girl making out action! A few three way kisses if I remember correctly...yes I was invloved, DUH! The first time it happend it was witnessed by patrons of a nearby restaurant, as this took place on the balcony. We were cheered on by groups of drunk men, I felt famous!

  • Lots of poker was played on these trips and sometimes it got a little heated. Bets were made. People ended up running around in their underwear and flashing each other =)

  • It was revealed that one of us on the women's team has porn star nipples with giant 'ronis! (not me)

  • Dry humping was a constant, what else are people going to do when they're drunk, horny, and their SOs are back home (or in a few cases, they were virgins!)?

  • One particular tournament comes to mind when I think about Wild Bowling Club Adventures. Osh Kosh, Wisconsin. Our party buddies from Fargo, North Dakota were there.

Let me tell you about these guys, they brought a bowling team, and a drinking team, no lie. 12 people came and only 6 bowled. They all stayed in 2 rooms. (imagine the stench, ugh it was awful) They were playing poker as usual in one room and in another we were playing a drinking game. One guy, let's call him The Guy, is infamous for peeing in the corner of the room and getting so drunk he pisses himself. The Guy decided to not only play the drinking game but to also do Edward Forty Hands while he was at it!

We ended up playing a few games of hockey and by the end, he had a forty and 6 cans strapped to one arm, and 2 forties and 4 cans to the other! The best part was when he went to drink from one of the cans and spilled some leftover beer from another can right onto his crotch! He was drunk when they got there, so I'm not sure how he was still going by midnight.

I remember coming back to the room early in the morning to find one of the Fargo guys passed out in front of the door to their room covered in newspapers. He managed to lose his shoes during the night. To this day, we have no idea where they went. We had to stop at Kmart so he could get a pair to wear for the rest of the weekend.

  • The Strippers. I think it was the Osh K0sh tournament the following year when there were strippers staying at our hotel. I'm not sure how she found out, but one of the girls came bursting into the room screaming, "Steph, Steph! There are STRIPPERS staying here! Male Strippers! You have to come see!"

Apparently male strippers are right up my alley. (haha)

So we went to the strippers' room. I think they were The Ugliest strippers I have ever seen, but they had great bodies, of course. Butter face male strippers, who'dve thought? The less ugly of the two sat her down in a chair in the middle of the room, the other sat a little too close to me on the bed. The less ugly stripper turned on some music and proceeded to rip his black leather pants off! He was wearing knee high black boots and shiny black boxer briefs underneath! I couldn't believe what I was seeing! He was pretty much humping her face while the really ugly stripper was trying to move closer to me, ugh gross.

I'd had enough, besides I was busy making out with a really tall, really cute bowler when she pulled me away. The next day we both had hickies, I had a REALLY BIG one, he had no idea how that happend! Of course, could it be you spent most of the night sucking on it?! But he had a girlfriend he had to go home and make excuses to anway...teehee

  • And then there was The BJ. I think this one happend in Springfield, Missouri, where our hotel was right next to a really gawdy all neon light strip club. We were all passing out, I was sharing a pull out couch with one of the guys, and that same girl was sharing a bed with our club VP. Well I was drunk and tired so I was out pretty quick. Later I heard from my bedmate that the other two were making some 'slurpy sucking sounds.' So he said to them, "How's that going down?" All he got were a few giggles and that's it! They continued! If only I were awake to give them some shit...

  • We also like to watch Porn. Y'know they have those movies in the hotel TVs? We liked those. I think it was in Vegas we ordered a particularly funny one, we had it turned up REALLY LOUD. When our other teammats arrived they thought there was a baby crying in our room!

Oh yeah, we went to Vegas. To bowl. We bowled so much in Vegas, we came back with blisters
and calluses the size of softballs. We bowled 15 games in one day, no joking. We're talking about the hard-core competitive side of bowling. But we still liked to have fun.

I miss my travel team bowling days, but I'll always have the memories...

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