Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Those Fat Office Monkeys

Obviously, I work in an office.

Every year around the holidays banks and brokers that we do business with send us 'good tidings.' Today alone we have received a box full of oranges, a meat/cheese/cracker tray, a basketful of baked goodies, and 3 boxes of chocolate.

No wonder us office dwellers sprout HUGE asses...hmm maybe 'sprout' isn't the right word.

The HUGE ass seed germinates for months in our comfy office chairs, until the holidays come around and then BAM! HUGE asses abound! They expand, burst forth, swell, and THICKEN... they, dare I say, FLOURISH...

And to add to all of the tasty yet (mostly) unhealthy goodies we receive, all of the holiday shopping affects The Market...which stresses out my coworkers...in fact one of them is raving right now, at this moment, swearing his ass off about how a teeny little comment sent such-and-such a stock down 5 bucks...

Which leads to STRESS...and gorging of oneself on all the free goodies...which leads back to the HUGE ASS cycle above. Vicious, isn't it?

Free goodies have not been restricted to food this year. One of the guys bought a 12 foot electric car set for our grab-bag...well, it ended up in our small conference room, and now they're taking bets...

I need a Peach Margarita.

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