Wednesday, March 21, 2007

St. Patty's Shenanigans! Part I

Hey there Monkeys!

I'm putting work aside to get some blogging done.

Eat it, work.

JMax and I tore it up at the ole bowling alley on Friday night after I was done working.

There's this bartender with an amazingly huge ass that I work with occasionally.

She's got a 'Buhdunkadunk' butt for sure, but a little waist and some boobage going on.

Then there's her kinky fro.

We affectionately call her DonkeyButt.

JMax met Donkey Butt for the first time that night and was instantly fascinated by the gluteus maximus.

Holy Shit! Look at that thing! Where did she get that?!

No idea.

I can't stop staring. . . I wonder. . .


I just wanna stick my dick in it!


Then some dork sat next to us.

Meet Josh.

Josh is around 30, recently divorced, and hasn't gotten any action since.

He's 6 foot, 150 pounds of pale geekiness.

She cheated on him.

I didn't really wonder why since he couldn't even describe how big his dick was.

Why did we ask him to do that?
Me n JMax

Well, we decided that if Josh came out with us for St. Patty's Day, we'd get him Laid.

JMax can sell a dog to the Crazy Cat Lady.

He's that good.

And me, well I'm just awesome.

I think Josh was going along with us, not really believing that we'd
call him to go out the next night.

So, Josh, what are your standards?

Well, I don't really have any.

Perfect. Ok, how big is your dick?

Why does that matter?

Cuz if we're trying to sell you, dick size kinda matters...

(Here's where he fucked it all up.)

Ok, will you do anything she asks you to?

Um, Like what?
::wide eyed look::

Like if she asks you to lick her ass will you do it?

::Confused look::
Um, well yeah!

Then, Ray, a dirty league bowler, chimes in: You have to eat a bucket of her shit just to know where it's been!

Thanks, Ray.

Ok, how about all that other freaky-deeky shit?

What are you talking about?

Well, like a
donkey punch, dirty sanchez, hot carl, cleveland steamer . . . stuff like that?

Um, I don't even know what those are . . .

Damnit, Josh!

Ray and the lesbians on his team are now captivated.

JMax went on to describe the donkey punch and how he knew some guy that actually pulled it off once.

I don't think we ever got an answer from him on this one . . . we were too busy being loud and obnoxious!

Okok, bring it back to basics, are you into Butt Sex?

Why do you guys need to know this stuff again?!

Alright, Josh, what do you do?

I'm a plumbing apprentice.

No, you're not. You're an IT guy for Wells Fargo.


You're an MIS guy at Wells Fargo. You don't tell chicks you're a plumbing apprentice!

Wait, are you racist?


Will you do a black chick? Hispanic? Asian?

Yeah, sure.

Alright, cool.

I still don't think you guys are going to call me.

We're going to call you.

Things went on like that for who knows how long, until JMax decided to get behind the bar to hit on DonkeyButt.

He made her blush.

She got so nervous she wouldn't even come close to him!

Why don't you date him? she asked me.

Um, cuz he's my Married Friend/Best Friend/Party Mate.


Joe, the shift manager came over to see what the ruckus was about, saw JMax behind the bar, everyone laughing and me screaming for another Heineken, which he grabbed for me and then left.

Joe loves me.

Josh decided it was time for a Tequila Shot.

Not that he and JMax needed one, they were pretty lit up.

DonkeyButt closed the bar down around midnight, Josh disappeared and we took off.

Yeah, all this shit went down in about 2.5 hours. . .

to be continued . . .

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