Thursday, January 26, 2006

One Time, At The Bar...

I'm not sure how many stories begin this way, but here is one of my finest moments from the bar.

Summer 2003: that wonderful summer after I turned 21, I wasn't taking summer classes and I had a fuck-off job with easy hours.

So I drank.

Alot. (How much? I gained 25 pounds that summer! That's alot of beer...)

I was out with my Navy friend, Brant. That summer's drinking regiment was whiskey sours, followed by white russians, followed by beers.

Everything was going as planned, I even thought one of his friends was cute. I polished off 5 Whiskey Sours and a few shots, including a Jager Bomb, and then the cute friend bought me 2 White Russians.

The first was delicious, that creamy goodness after all that sour was fantastic, I sucked that one down in a few minutes. We were sitting in a booth in the basement of a bar, the cute friend was next to me on the inside of the booth, three of his friends across from us...

Then I started in on the second White Russian...I wasn't quite half-way through it when I felt the urge to yack.

Usually I have some warning of an impending yack.
Not this time.

The urge was so sudden I automatically clamped my right fist over my mouth.

But it wasn't a tight fist...


I became The Puke Sprinkler.


So it came shooting out from between my fingers, all over the table and the three people sitting across from me...

Brant came down the stairs with 2 glasses of water for me at that shining moment.

He dropped the water and grabbed me, puke all down my shirt and on my jeans and led me outta there...


As I was stumbling up the stairs I saw a look of disgusted horror on the cute friend's face as he tried to escape the puke strewn booth...

I found out later that the bathrooms were out of order in the basement that night and the unfortunate 3 hard to go behind the bar and get sprayed down...

The waitress had to squeegee the table...

I had to wash that shirt 3 times to get the smell out.

24 comments:

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