Monday, July 24, 2006

Iowa: Target?

Iowa must be some hot shit when it comes to Terrorist Targets.

I saw a commercial on TV about making an emergency kit and a communication plan in the event of a Public Health Emergency, a BioTerrorism Attack, or Chemical Warfare.

Courtesy of the Iowa Department of Public Health.

But even if we aren't a big target, we have a PLAN.

It involves going to your local Walmart, or Target if you don't live in the trailer, and picking up the kinds of things you'd find in a bomb shelter.

Canned foods. Or you could be lazy and throw all the shitty canned food you were gonna give to the shelter but forgot and you need to tell the wife something, so instead you throw it in the 'Emergency Kit' mmmmm lima beans....

Can Opener. Imagine the levels of barbarianism we'd have to sink to without this little fucking thing. Not the electric one, you idiot!

Bottled water. Hell, the water in my place tastes so bad I have this on hand anyway...

Bedding for each person. Time to find that pesky sleeping bag, it's always hiding, and now you'll never find it, because now you NEED it.

Prescription Meds. Now, usually, you only have one bottle at a time. So in the case of an 'Emergency' you need to run to your bathroom or wherever you keep your precription drugs and collect them ALL . .

Important Family documents, in a water-proof container. If I find myself caught in a firestorm or a biological attack, I want to make sure they know who I am should I drop dead from breathing the air...

A whistle to signal for help. Which will really come in handy when everyone else is blowing their whistles...maybe we can make up a song!

They recommend 3 days' worth of supplies.

3 DAYS.

So, three days after I run around collecting my pill bottles, eating nothing but lima beans and stewed tomatoes, I'll be saved?!

Well, you could wait until the 'Event' actually occurs and then go loot your Walmart or Target. (learned that from those folks down in New Orleans)

It's good to know we have a plan.

Do you?

The commercial actually made me laugh. What are you talking about, I'm SAFE, I'm in AMERICA.

2 comments:

hayden_fahrenheit said...

two things:

your mother's cat sheba looks like my cat cole,

and if you're attractive,

let's see a picture or 3.

Spicy Little Pi said...

There's a picture of the Pi on Chowdaheads here:

http://chowdaheads.blogspot.com/2006/07/chowdaheads-turns-1-friendly-fire.html

You be the judge on the attractive part...

Does Cole have mental problems like Sheba? (That bitch is crazy.)