The Art of Meeting Myspacers

I have this rule about Myspace friends.

I actually have to have met them.

Crazy, right?

So I decided to meet a couple yesterday and make them buy me drinks.

Cuz I'm NICE.

The first one, Mat, like you step on, met me after work at my usual happy hour destination

I was there first and started chatting with some regulars.

He shows up in his riding gear.

He has a crotch rocket.

Not impressed.

And he's a little shrimpy and awkward.

And a little wrongfully full of himself.

Conversation was difficult and I was not getting a good vibe from the whole thing.

I was tired and yawning and thinking about the shit I wanted to be doing instead...

It was painful.

At least the drink was good.

So we parted ways.

Resigned to going home, having dinner, and then heading over to my condo to do more scrubbing of adhesive off of concrete (whee!)

So I make some dinner - meatless cuz I forgot to pull it out of the freezer!

Then my phone started ringing

When the hell did I become so popular?!

Another Myspacer, Eric, called and wanted to meet up for a drink in about an hour.

Having already tasted the sweet disablement that comes with alcohol I decided what the hell, it couldn't be any worse than the last one...

And we'd already had a very decent conversation on the phone a few days ago

I arrive, walked to the bar, and look around for him.

Again, I'm the first one there.

I pick a seat and cozy up

People start to stare.

What is so strange about me walking into a bar and sitting down by myself?!

Maybe because people are under the impression that I couldn't possibly be alone.

God forbid.

I have guys come up to me at the club and ask, So, girl, where's your boyfriend?

God Damnit.

He arrives and is dorkier than I expected.

Then I remember our conversation and am not surprised.

Conversation was much better and came pretty naturally.

I received a text in the first I dunno 30 minutes of the encounter.

It was Mat, like you step on.

Thx for joining me for a mojito. We can do it again anytime :) -Mat

::Choke::

Are you serious?!

I guess he didn't get the weird vibe like I did.

I tried to make it sorta obvious that I wasn't enthralled by meeting him

Whatever.

So this was Eric's 'first time' meeting someone from MySpace and, I suspect, the internet in general

Which cracks my shit up since I've been meeting people from the internet since I was about 12.

Amazing I'm still alive with all those Internet Predators out there....

Hell, I flew to Vancouver to hang out with bloggers!!

He was amazed by this.

I even recounted my painful experience from earlier in the day.

And now I have a new friend!

I don't think it's an odd thing to do...

I'm not sure if society frowns upon that sort of thing, but then again, I don't care either.

I dunno, what's your take on it?

Is it strange to meet someone in person that you 'met' on Myspace, or the internet in general?

bahahaha!

I rock.

Lunch-Time Mishap

Just when I thought it was going to be another BLAH day here at work, I decide to go to the restroom.

I round a corner and see the back of our CIO, dressed in his biking spandex.

Great, now I'm going to have walk by him and make a conscious effort NOT to check out his crotch.

You know you do it when you see people in spandex!

So I keep going and turn to say hi to him and notice something out of the ordinary.

BLOOD.

OMG are you okay?! Do want drugs or anything?

(hah nice, pi)

The left side of his body was roughed up.

He must've biffed it over lunch.

Just above his left eye he was cut and bleeding all over his face, his upper arm, and knee were all bleeding.

And he's standing there in biking shoes and spandex.

Gross.

So what happened?!

I was going too fast on the trails, they're covered in sand from all the rain we had and it was slippery.

See.

Exercise is dangerous.

That's why I don't do it.

He insisted on driving himself to the clinic to get checked out and stitched up.

I return from the bathroom to find he's left and there's a gaggle of coworkers standing around talking about how gross he looked.

Does anyone know what happened?

No, I didn't want to ask...

Dorks.

So I filled them in.

Whoo! Excitement at the office!

Thrill of The Hunt

So there's that saying 'The thrill of the chase'

Lots of chicks like being pursued, chased.

Well, I enjoy the hunt.

I'm very rarely 'chased'

Well, I am.

Just not by people I WANT chasing me!

So I have to go out and do the hunting.

A game I haven't been participating in lately cuz I been feeling lazy

Back in the day it was easy.

Well, it still is.

Men are whores.

But the problem is, IT'S TOO EASY.

Geez, can't you put up a fight.

Make me wait for it...play some hard to get

But what if I do that all wrong or for too long and you lose interest?

Then you fucked it up!

Actually, that's a valid concern.

If you're going to challenge her, then make sure you drop a line every now and then...

To let her know you're still down with her shit...

ALSO - don't get pissed if you see/hear about her making out with other dudes!

You didn't claim her.

You haven't 'staked the territory' as it was...

Signed a 'we're exclusive' agreement...

So chill the fuck out.

Whoo, it's the dating game.

Sure, try and tell yourself it isn't A GAME

But if you aren't out there looking for 'the one' and are just out for fun...

Then it's totally a game.

Horny?

Hungry?

Food Porn Rocks.

AHH!!! I'm a Homeowner!!

I just returned from closing...

I've signed my life away to the bank...

And walked out with keys and a refund check!

I'm going to be busy for the next month!

Painting, pulling up flooring, knocking out a half-wall...

PACKING!!

I move one month from Monday.

So much to do!!

I'm SO EXCITED!!!!

what really gets me is that I don't plan most things too far ahead...

And now I've just gone and spent a LOT of $$ and committed myself to Des Moines....

I don't even plan my weekend until I get there!

Holy crap.

I committed to something.

And it better not bite me in the ass like all those other times I committed!

This Just In: My Ass is Tasty

A drunken night out in a mini skirt and tons of raunchy fun has got to prove something

Well, it did.

As well as the mostly-nude hot tubbing at 3am the following night...

My Ass is Tasty.

Juicy, in fact.

So much so, that it was FEASTED UPON by mosquitoes.

Not just once, oh no...

6 TIMES.

yes, 6.

my tummy too

I was too hung over Sunday to notice and too busy yesterday to care...

And then came this morning...

WTF!?!

Not pleased.

Can't they munch on other peoples' tasty parts?

Maybe they were in the mood for Mexican...wanted to spice it up a bit...

argh.

The concert last night was a blast!



Ben Folds is hilarious....

And John Mayer is racist!

After a quick look around this is one of the better looking crowds I've seen...

::Crowd cheers::

Nice skin tone.

I about died!

I not sure how he meant that...but Iowa is most definitely WHITE

Maybe he was admiring our tans...or sunburns as the case may be...

He started with two of his most popular songs...maybe to get it out of the way

The blues and acoustic were awesome...

That is one sexy guitar.

The lights blew me away, it was pleasant and happy the whole time:

June 18th Repeat

What was Pi up to on this exact day last year?!

Madonna concert.

And what is Pi doing tonight?!

John Mayer concert.

And that satisfies my One Awesome Concert quota for the year.

I've seen him before, in Chicago at a steel factory.

Yep, a steel factory.

The place was blocked off using semis

Sponsored by House of Blues and Bud Light (ack)

I went with my mom!

I love mom.

It was during the summer, unbelievingly hot and humid out.

Lots of people mushed up against one another.

She had to take a break and sit down.

And ran into a bunch of other moms...

That were there with their 15 year old daughters...

I was 20 at the time.

She gave me her 'over 21' wristband and a 20 and I was all set

They wouldn't let her in the alcohol line with me!

No wristband, no alcohol.

I got tanked and enjoyed the show.

Ahhh those were the days...a $20 drunk.

Guster opened. I had no idea who that was at the time, but it was a good show.

Tonight, it's Ben Folds.

He puts on quite the show I've heard.

I was a fan of Ben Folds Five....back in the day

Tonight will be a good night!

We Need to Talk Part II

Dear Bowling,

I realize we haven't been spending much time together, and I'm sorry, but that's still no excuse for treating me the way you have on the few occasions we have gotten together.

I know I ignored you for months on end, more interested in other bowlers' drink needs, but that's over for a little while. I didn't mean for us to grow so far apart, and I'm sorry I let it happen.

We both love and hate each other, and we go back and forth on this every year, but we're together forever. That's the promise we made when you helped me break in my first ball, my first wrist guard, and the first tournament in Wisconsin...

We've had some really great times together. Remember that tournament in Missouri when
you face planted that Kansas bowler and her ball fell on her hand? You really scared me into respecting you with that move. We always had the best times in Osh Kosh and Mankato...

It'd be great to go back to those times, but we can't ignore what's happened to us in the last 2 years.

Please, baby, let's try and piece things together, we can work this out.

We'll never break up.

never.

Just like me and tequila.

You need to accept that and start treating me better.

Spicy

I. am. a. tomato. (random shite)

Hey let's sit in the sun have some brews, chill out

Great idea.

Until it turns into 3 slightly drunk people talking loudly about inappropriate things at an apartment complex pool surrounded by families with small children

All while smoking and eating which is against 'the rules'

For three hours.

I have sunburn.

A mean one.

It bites.

Talk about embarrassingly painful.

Now I have the pleasure of slathering Aloe Vera all over myself.

Sexy.

Friday, JMax and I hit 'the hottest club in downtown Des Moines'

Right, sluts everywhere.

It was heaven. Again.

Ran into this guy, Jack, all dressed in 80s garb and dancing like a stripper.

Naturally, I took a picture with him.

Saturday it was more of the same except our heads were full of pills instead of tequila.

Then I learned something.

Something about Gay Des Moines Nightlife.

It's called the Gay Loop or Fruit Loop...

Some little strip where people go ::ahem:: 'shopping' late at night

I couldn't have cared less what the fags were up to, I was having my own little party in the back seat.

Then it was off to the cabin where Twinky humped the hell out of Stacy Switchblade.

And I got a handful of titty!

Seriously, these things are like F CUPS.

Add to that being fascinated by the tininess of a 19 year old virgin at the party, and you have a good molest-y time

Withdrawal isn't the easiest thing to deal with, the mood swings are dramatic and can cause things like acting like a silly female and freaking out over the smallest things.

The thing you said you would just let go, cuz there are tons of other bitches that do that crap and you ain't one of em

One of my coworkers seems happier than usual.

Maybe she's getting sex.

That stuff really makes a difference.

And then someone calls you a 'Quadra-freak'

I'll take that as a compliment.

We're planning on hitting Trek Fest XXIII in a couple of weekends.

Why?

Who wouldn't want to wander around drunk in 'The Official Future Birthplace of Captain James T. Kirk' while making fun of a bunch of freaky Trekkies from all over the world?!

Not me.

I am all over that like a fat chick on a late night buffet.

I...NEED....another....beer.

To make it better, we just might dress up like Star Wars characters and feign stupidity.

Closing is in 9 days.

OMGdon'tfreakout.

I'm not. cool as a cucumber.

covered in strawberry lube...

I mean..I'm going to junk out at Home Depot today after work!

Wandering through the many isles of home improvement bliss, drooling...

A Booty Bashing

Pi went out on a 'date' last night and totally get her ass handed to her.

The plan was Pizza, Beer, Bowling!

Pretty awesome, right?!

I haven't bowled in oh...7 or 8 months or something around there...

Surely I'm not that rusty!

Haha, right.

Or was it the 'Rust Lube' that helped out?

It had to be the beers.

Totally.

I never bowl with a couple of beers in me.

I bowl and then get a couple in me....

But I don't show up buzzed and then try throwing a 13 pound ball 60 feet

No, not ever.

How else can 13 Gutter Balls IN A ROW be explained?!

The people working the counter even put up the bumpers.

I was not amused. (ilieitotallywas)

Before any of this happened a deal was made:

The Loser gets a Paris Hilton MySpace Makeover

Yep, that's right.

I'm all decked out in pink and have one of her videos...

I'd also like to think that I somehow helped get her dumb-ass released from prison.

That's hot. You're hot. I'm hot.

I'm totally stealing this:

28 Days in Paris: Day 1

So how bad was it, you ask...

Well, um.. I think a 53, 97, and then 146.

I'm going to bowl every week now.

Regardless of all that, it was a great time : )

Out of Froot Loops

There have been some happenings lately in the world of Pi...

I have shit to do, but I'ma take a blogging break.

First, you know how working in a cube farm can make you a little crazy.

Batshit Bonkers Crazy?

Well, imagine you're sitting in your really cool pimped out cube, and everything is quiet.

Deathly quiet.

My cubemate is gone.

Moved away.

Of the 7 adjacent cubes and 1 office, there are 3 occupants.

One is a workaholic and usually quiet, one is almost never here, and the other is a pompous asshole.

Very little interaction for me.

It's a productive environment, yes.

But also lonely!

But that's not entirely a bad thing.

I can do eviler things at work now.

Like text all day or type with my nose or eat at my desk or play with myself!

What fun!

Actually I've been a bit distracted lately.

Pi met someone.

While the details will remain fuzzy, I will tell you this...

I'm goobery and googly eyed and gross...

And I couldn't be happier.

I'll have to make fun of myself a little more.

And when the hell did Crunch Berries start coming in blue, green, and purple?!

I was shocked to see them in my bowl this morning at breakfast.

Course I didn't notice the front of the box which clearly shows the multicolored Crunch Berries.

Why didn't I notice?!

Cuz I bought them whilst out shopping at Walmart at 1.30am.

It was a surreal experience.

Almost like being on drugs!

There were families, FAMILIES, small children and all, doing their regular grocery shopping.

People with multiple carts overflowing with stuff!

The thing that really got me is that stereotypes really DO have elements of truth in them.

Everyone, with the exception of one foreign european couple, was Mexican and/or fat.

I was right at home.

With the Mexicans! Not the fatties.

La Bamba was even playing.

True story.

And then Ricky Martin came on.

I'm not sure what possessed me to take this late-night trip into the outside ring of Hell, I was in a strange mood.

In other news I make some killer Guacamole.

(The secret is mashing the avocados on the thighs of Cuban virgins...)