Thursday, October 26, 2006

The Cheese Hath Runneth Over

A few months ago, everyone here at my company and our parent bank was required to attend what they called 'A Treat'

This 'Treat' just so happened to be a Motivational Speaker.

BARF.

(i just realized it's almost 9 and I haven't had my coffee yet....brb)


Getting coffee and what do I see....the pumpkin I carved the company logo into, soaking in the sink. (yeah i'm a DORK) Erf. now I have to take it back up front so all can see...and then take a count for this afternoon. I'm debuting my homemade-from-scratch Pumpkin Pie. I baked 3 of them last night. Everyone is calling me Martha Stewart! I hate that woman, she's so Uppity.

Maybe I'll do pumpkin spice cookies in Halloween shapes for next week.



Anyway, the Motivational Speaker was a pompous ass that was full of himself.

Scary CEO Man stalked around his bank asking employees what they remembered about the Speaker.

He was funny.

What about his message?

Uhhhhh.....

Right.

So to reinforce all the money they spent on the Speaker, it was decided we are to suffer MORE.

Good God, what now?

At the quarterly employee meeting, we were each handed a hard-back version of the Speaker's book, a pencil, and a 3x5 card.

After listening to the usual financials, budget, blahblahblahs of it all, we come to the book.

I want all of you to read this, we want to make sure you all understand his message. Now pull out those 3x5s....

First, write down the 5 most important things in your life right now.

Ok.
  1. My Health
  2. My Family
  3. My Happiness
  4. My Friends
  5. My Job
That was easy enough.

Now, if every job paid only $2/hr, would you still be here?

Fuck no, would you?!

Most importantly, is your life about the Journey or the Destination?

And we come to the Speaker's 'message': You have to live your life for the Journey, not the Destination, otherwise you'll never be satisfied, because there's always another Destination, another station on the train of life (eegghhh I can't believe I just typed that)

If you don't love what you do, and it shows, please leave.

I wouldn't say I LOVE it, but it's doing me some good right now, and I don't HATE it.

We're going to break everyone in the enterprise into teams. Then we're going to give each team a topic from this book. At the next quarterly meeting, the team leaders are going to present their team's findings.

Great.

This is some stupid shit you hear about companies doing, but you don't expect it to happen to you.

Building Morale and a Positive Workplace er whatever...

Required Reading from Work?!

Enjoy the Ride! (fucking GAG me, PLEASE!!)

If that's the case, maybe I should go back to school.

5 comments:

PatZ said...

they should have gotten Dr. Phil.

Leafs Fan said...

Yeah, problems solved in 10 seconds flat!

RyeGuy said...

or the crew from "The Office"... oh, wait, sounds like they're already there...

ATL LG said...

I just love "Born Again Management"

but be careful, we wouldn't want to be label "non-team player" or anything to effect ones "performance rating" see the next part is the GE method of 20% is great ( reward them) 60% do a fine job ( keep them ) 20% are just coasting or worse ( find a way to eliminate them )

Can you tell I've been around the corporate block?

Have fun!

Spicy Little Pi said...

as far as they know, I'm all GUNG HO about work!

I even carved the company logo into a pumpkin to sit on the receptionist's desk. I always sit in the front for meetings, I'm a bit of a CEO's pet....

i sicken myself.

gotta do whatcha gotta do to get ahead, non?