Lotion Boogers and Alarm Clocks

I have to get up early. Really early.

I participate in a program that saves me money but costs me sleep.

I'm in a vanpool.

This requires me to be somewhere at 6:45 am to catch a ride to work.

I'm a Beauty Queen, meaning I have a certain regiment of shit to do in the morning. So, to accomplish said shit I have to get up no later than 5:50 am.

I like to hit the snooze. Alot.

So much so that I purposely set my alarm for 5:03. (I've never gotten out of bed at 5:03, so I'm not sure why I do this. Must be some form of self-torture.)

This morning my Alarm Clock Spoke to me. (or I imagined that it did...)

"You have to get up in two minutes. If you don't, I'll create a diversion and you'll fall back asleep for twelve minutes."

I just smiled and thought, "OK," and took the 12 minutes...

What a lying asshole. That 12 minutes turned into half an hour!

J-Love had it right with The Snooze Bar.


During my daily Beauty Regiment, My Ugly-Ass Cat, hopped up on the sink and stared at me.

I was in a hurry, I had no time to pay her attention.

She didn't like that.

Drastic measures were taken to catch my attention.

I have a tall bottle of lotion on my sink. She looked at it, looked at me, looked at it, and sniffed it.

Then she started to chew on it.

No, Kitty! That's a BAD KITTY!

She got Lotion Boogers all over her flat little face and proceeded to eat them.

(Lotion Boogers:the stubborn lotion that refuses to come out, then firms up, blocking the way for the rest of the lotion trying to escape)

Yet another reason that she is The Most Disgusting Cat EVER!!